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Second time around is less formal.. Do you agree???

I find I want less formality and more fun this time around....   and I don't want to spend as much money...   and I want fewer guests and just REAL REAL friends....    Do most people agree second time around??


  • Spond25Spond25 Posts: 580

    Kind of....  I'm still having a dress but it's champagne/light gold and im still having bridesmaids (our best friends 3 daughters though and not my sister and cousins as i had to have first time round).  we're still spending quite a lot of money but having who we want (mostly h2bs close family) and only our closest friends to the ceremony that will be a short civil ceremony in a hotel (we're staying the night before with mil, friend and daughters and my son) and a sit down wedding breakfast then a party in the evening for 80-120 people not decided yet.   Everyone (bar a couple of people who we can't get aroung not asking) will be invited because we want them there and not just because we happen to be related or think we should invite them.

    Have you set a date, booked a venue yet?

  • I think you should have exactly what you want.  Whether it be formal and fancy, or relaxed and fun.  You should enjoy it even more this time!

  • thirdthingthirdthing Posts: 582

    Mine won't be as formal, no - and definitely having people I want and not my parent's friends who made up most of the guests first time. It will be much more low key and casual.  But I am having a proper dress from a real bridal shop which is what I wanted first time, but my mum's friend made my dress.  And I am going to have the flowers I want too - I love flowers and they are important to me. I didn't have enough first time.


    To be honest, I think you should have exactly what you want first time! But family pressures can get in the way, and second time around I think may be you have more confidence to do it 'your way' ...?


  • mummyfrenchmummyfrench Posts: 144

    I'm having the 'proper' wedding dress this time as I didn't the first time, but I'm making it more personal this time too.  Thinking much more about colours/flowers/decorations etc. I did nothing at all last time - combination of no money, no internet (was a long time ago!) and a Christmas wedding so just used christmassy decorations that were in the hotel!  The ceremony and meal is going to be very small, but we're going to have a big party at a later date for extended family and friends.

  • Yes it is strange isn't it how most of us want less 'family involvement' of the bad kind....   My family are all coming again as I love them all but I have made it clear, without being dictatorial, that hub2b and I are going to do everything how we want it and not going to feel 'obliged' to use my mother's best friend to do the flowers or his cousin to be the DJ.. (well as it happens we aren't having a DJ this time thank god!!!)..

    My dress will be new and I have more ideas this time than last time....   more focussed on how it will make me feel rather than how it will make me look!!!

  • thirdthingthirdthing Posts: 582

    Mummyfrench - snap - it was so tricky 'back then' wasn't it without the internet!  I got married in a different town to where I was working and I had to go to Cambridge local library to get hold of the Yellow Pages for Bedford where I was marrying!  Then my flat didn't have a phone and of course no such thing as a mobile, at least not for me or people like me, back in 1984, so I had to go to a phone box in my lunch hour and call florists, car people etc, slotting ten pences in all the time!.  I couldn't see a picture of the car I was hiring or the work of the florist I was booking, and the range of invitation choice was limited to a big book in WHSmith which had about 20 designs in (nearly all the same, most with foiled wedding rings on I seem to remember). My brother came to the rescue as he worked for a stationery company and he brought over four or five big books with a bigger range of designs but there wasn't anything exciting. Bridesmaid dresses had to be bought from the only shop in the town that sold them (Laura Ashley) and the choice was blue or pink.  Wedding and engagement rings also bought from  jeweller just up the road from my work as it had to be fitted in around lunch times - many jewellers were not open on a Saturday let alone a Sunday!  Seems a world away now!


  • thirdthingthirdthing Posts: 582

    I have just remembered that I went to buy the bridesmaid dresses one at a time - they were so big and heavy that I could only fit on in to my bicycle basket, so I had to cycle to the shop one Saturday morning, collect one dress, cycle home, have lunch then cycle back into town again to get the other one.  Thank goodness I only had two BMs!  And there was no fitting - one of my BMs was too short and the dress trailed on the floor all day! But she lived in London and so I posted her the dress and she didn't try it on til the day of the wedding!  There wasn't the option to be fussy in those days!  I am taking full advantage of the net now - lovely to talk to other brides to be!


  • I love your stories Thirdthing....   I remember at my sister's wedding back in 1978 and my father and two brothers ordered groomsmen outfits from a store withoue even trying them on and when the outfits arrived all of the trouser legs were too long as we are not a tall family....    but for some reason it didn't really matter and it just made the wedding funnier with the jokes flying...  Mind you my sister is a bit mad image

    I'd die if that happened at my wedding lol

  • thirdthingthirdthing Posts: 582

    Ha ha marryingagain2, my brother got married in that year as well and my other brother, the best man, went out shopping for shoes on the morning of the wedding, but, at size 11 (which was hard to find in those days) the only pair in town was a pair of orangey-tan, pointy-toes patent leather slip-ons that didn't go well with the grey suit and looked like big balls of fire on his feet.... still hilarious when we look at the photos!  And his tie wasn't like anyone elses either - he borrowed an old one of my dad's on the morning  But that was all quite normal for weddings then!  I remember my mum standing at the door in her suit and hat and my dad still mowing the front lawn in his vest, saying there was plenty of time with only twenty minutes to go to the wedding. Ah, happy days ....!

    I htink I might start a thread of wedding memories from way back when!  xx


  • haha no-one would dare wear shoes that didn't match the outfit these days.....    I am having 80 at the wedding reception including children.....

  • Hi Ladies


    If any of you have a spare 5 minutes I would be truly grateful if you could fill out a survey. I am in my last year of my degree and am doing my major project on older/second time brides. I'd really appreciate any feedback you have. Thank you all so much for reading and congrats to you all.


    Here is the link to my survey -


    Warm regards


  • This time im doing it for the right reasons, and we both wanted a church wedding, just been accepted to be married in church, so the race is on now for a venue! paid my deposit on my dress, and looking at venues...not alot avail for July 2014 its taken 3-4months for the vicar to decide...(had regular meetings, talking about past experiences...yeah the dreaded exes lol) i live in Leicestershire but having wedding in west yorkshire, so alot to do! but im enjoying it, which i never experienced in my past x

  • KK12KK12 Posts: 927

    Although there will be some formal bits to the day - this time round, it's going to be quite unconventional and different which is how we want it to be and I hope people remember the wedding for those reasons and the fact that it's hopefully going to be a great day! x

  • MrsJLMrsJL Posts: 378

    I got married when I was 28 and because my parents were paying for everything I felt I didn't really have any input (apart from my outfit - a big meringue dress!!!).  I re-married over three years ago (aged 47) and I loved every minute of it because my husband and I organised everything and it was so special and so different to my first wedding.  We even made our invitations just as you would for a bigger wedding. I opted for a shorter ivory dress with a little bit of bling on it and I wore a pashmina round my shoulders because my dress was strapless. As it was my husband's first marriage I wanted everything you would have at a larger wedding but on a smaller scale (we only had 9 people - all family).  We were married on the carriage of a steam train (my husband is a train enthusiast) and had our lovely meal at a hotel nearby. My niece (then aged 5) was my flower girl and she was also in an ivory dress with a wee bit bling - she was like a mini-me. 

    I would say to all second/third/fourth time brides - enjoy every minute of being married again and wear whatever you like - every girl wants to feel special on their wedding day.x


  • Owly-MeOwly-Me Posts: 134

    This is my second wedding...and we couldn't be doing it more differently!  The first time was in a registry office, no wedding dress for me, went to the pub afterwards and had a reception for about twenty people at our house.  We arranged it in about a month and didn't have a honeymoon!

    This time...well, this is the fella I'm meant to be with.  He has no problems with my religious beliefs, so we're getting married in the church that I attend, with the vicars who we know very well conducting the ceremony (I never thought I'd see the day I'd be discussing hymns with this guy!).  I have a wedding dress, bridesmaids and all that malarkey, we're having a low budget very DIY reception at a beautiful venue afterwards, we've got a professional photographer booked, and as soon as he gets back from the shop in a minute we're making a definitive decision and booking our honeymoon (little honeymoon but honeymoon nonetheless!)...basically, we're having the wedding I didn't ever realise I wanted (and I am SO excited to be planning it!)

  • herstoryherstory Posts: 1,268

    I honestly think times have changes dramatically in the past 20 years or more, I say 20 years because I have memories of being a teen and one of my Aunts getting very upset on her wedding day that the marquee had the wrong colour lining (ivory instead of white) and the day was formal lots of family but the couple also had lots of their friends there and from my perspective the bride was calling all the shots, even though her parents paid.

    I think a lot of first timers are going for less formal weddings. I am lucky my parents paid for their own wedding and did things their way, and my H2B's had a full on formal wedding paid for and controlled by the brides parents which they hated, so both sets are happy for us to do what we want! Weirdly we have opted for a very formal wedding, well at least the ceremony part image

  • Bridetobe2017Bridetobe2017 Posts: 237

    I don't know, this time around I want everything to be perfect (The practice husband, was a royal pig so it was what he wanted all the way). This time around both of us want the works & I can have a dress from a shop & not a handmade one because it was cheap  £50 (we had the money but the practice husband was tight). We are planning all sorts of lovely things we aren't having a wedding breakfast as such but a champagne  afternoon tea  followed by a dressed buffet in the evening. First time around I was just so keen to please the practice husband & it was boring in the end.

    We get married in thre years time so I will 35 (1 month off 36) so need a day that is fitting for an older bride, H2B will be almost 41xx

  • anon2anon2 Posts: 18

    I didn't realise how many second time rounds there are , I feel so much at home now .. It's second time for both of us , My first wedding was cheap everything I chose was because of the price my dress was a bmaid dress , no bridesmaids , registry office meal for 15 then party back at house , I remember sorting food out on wedding morning . 

    This time is so different yes your right it is informal , but this time we doing it exactly how we want and I loving all the planning and what's lovely is our children are involved two from h2b and my two , they are bridesmaids and my son who's 21 is giving me away .. 

    just started a thread its Black and Ivory

  • LeaMarieLeaMarie Posts: 723

    My aunt is getting married for the third time this year... She has had big formal weddings each time and this next one is costing £20k! image

  • Ianswife2BIanswife2B Posts: 21

    Hi 2nd timers! My wedding is just 10 days way, and im so excited! everything has been finalised and paid for, im so looking forward too it

    Just because people have been married before, dont think you have to have a low key wedding....we have had a few people ask why we are going to so much trouble?? excuse me our wedding our plans our trouble at all lol....

    Church and having a string quartet playing

    Wedding breakfast and toastmaster

    Evening Disco/Buffet

    Bride2b2017 i like your saying Practice Husband, as this is my thoughts aswell....i know ive found my one true love and im so happy, and we want our day to be as special as roll on the 12th July at 1pm when i become mrs w x 

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