Ex and her parents want to come


Feel like I need to get this off mt chest!! Last night my H2B came home from work and said that his ex wife had phoned up and asked if she or her parents could come to the church prior to the wedding to take some of their own photos of her daughter who is one of the bridesmaids.

He said that he told her that there would be lots of photos taken and that she would have some but he didn't actually say "no" to them coming.

Problem is I really don't want then to be there and feel quite strongly about it cos eventhough everything is quite amicable with his ex (she has moved on and is happily married to someone else) I just don't feel that it would be appropriate for her/her parents to be there. I am also a bit annoyed that my ex didn't tell her a definate "no". I feel that it is our day and don't want his ex wife or her parents to be anywhere near the wedding

I am prepared to let his daughter keep her bridesmaid dress and perhaps they can take their own pics? We can also give them a pic of her.

Didn't sleep very well last night and feel anxious about it all as we get married in 2 weeks on Sat and I am dreading them just turning up anyway...

I would be interested to know what people think about this situation, am I being unreasonable by not wanting them there?



  • LJukLJuk Posts: 293
    Hi Paula

    No you are not being unreasonable at all love. Its your day and a very special one. Trouble is men dont see stuff the way we do and this can lead to a lot of misunderstanding. Talk to your h2ba nd explain that youare really upset and find it inappropriate to have them present on your day.

    If its only pictures she wants then thats easily solved! She Unless she has an ulterior motive for wanting to be there (sheer nosieness springs to mind!!) You can emphasise that you are more than happy to provide pics of the daughter and even pay for them if neccessary, but you dont want anyone other than your guests present.

    Outline that you will have enough to worry about on the day without this added burden! I am sure that he will back you and ask his ex to stay away and be content with a selectionof pics provided by you

    Good luck and let me know how you get on.
  • sirsuksirsuk Posts: 2,478
    I agree with LJ1 on this. I have told my H2B that under no circs does his ex come- if it is to pick up the kids she can wait outside and we will send kids out with someone to meet her
  • myersnukmyersnuk Posts: 237
    We have a total ban on the ex coming. My h2b brother is going to take the children home, in a taxi we have paid for.
  • Hi everyone

    Thanks for your comments, I have calmed down about all this now. H2B has told me not to worry and that he doesn't think they will come. I suppose no one can stop them from turning up if they are really determined to, if the worst comes to the worst and that happens I will have to pretend they are not there and not let it spoil the day!! They will be so outnumbered with my friends and family I probably wouldn't notice them anyway......

    11 days to go and counting. Good luck with the planning everyone & hope u all have great days!

    Paula X

  • Another way to look at it is that you will look SO much better than her. You will look really good. It is normal for her to want to see her girl and for you not to want her there. I know it is your day but remember this is also a big day for your H2B's girl. I suppose it comes down to how much you don't want the ex there and how much it means to the girl to have her Mum there. Think smug you got the man and look fab. Good luck whatever happens and enjoy your day

  • mrsmoore2bukmrsmoore2buk Posts: 372
    I have another take on this that may not go down so well but i would be the bigger person and say you are more than welcome to come and take photos of your step daughter ,after all your are becoming part of a family that is already established.
  • Tori28ukTori28uk Posts: 781
    I don't think you are being at all unreasonable. My h2b asked me if he could invite his ex wife to the evening party??? I don't think so! It would feel very uncomfortable, not just for me and her but for other family members who still feel they need to be nice to her.

    Like you say, they will get a nice photo of her daughter in her dress.

    I actually doubt she would turn up if he said what he did as even though he didn't say "no you can't come" he also didn't say "sure, come take some photots!". If she has a brain she will understand that she isn't really welcome there.
  • i dont want my h2b ex wife cumin to our wedding either. h2b mother is taking his kids back to stay at her house on the transport we have provided after the evening reception! omg no way would i have her cumin even though she is so curious to see my dress. she only speaks to me when she wants to know sumthing! stupid c*w! i hate her but love the kids to bits! x
  • i think my fiance's x wife will try and do that, my fiance and i were invited to her wedding last year so we can see the girls as bridesmaids, i couldnt think of a worse thing to do on a saturday
  • Its a difficult position for you. If she has moved on and it's amicable I think it would be very generous of you to allow it and it would also show the children that things are alright between all the adults. My H2B's ex would probably throw nails rather than confetti though!!!
  • Hiya,

    I'm a mum and if my daughter was bridesmaid for anyone incl her dad (now my ex) I'd definitely want to see her all dressed up and pretty. I don't think I would want to go into church or anything, that'd be just a bit weird!

    L x
  • my H2B's ex wife's parents are invited to our wedding - they have always been very pleasant to me and my children and I know that my step sons will appreciate them attending. I don't have a problem with it at all. I agree with you Mrs Moore2b- sometimes you have to look at the bigger picture.
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