Forum home Archived Second Time Around

Attendant worries xxx

hi all. I really need help from some of you lovely ladies.

My fiancé & I are planning our wedding at the moment. It is my 2nd marriage & his 1st.

My previous marriage broke down due to my ex cheating after only 8 months married. It wasn't pleasant but I am glad it happened as I was able to meet my hubby to be. All things happen for a reason right.

Everyone has been so supportive of our engagement & me remarrying which is great. We are very happy & excited.

however, i do find myself a little conscious that it is my 2nd & that I want to do things different this time although as it's hubby to be's first I'm also happy for him to lead the way to what style of wedding we have as ii don't want him to miss out on his dreAmS.

The problem is that I am tying myself in knots over my attendants. I hope all this makes sense.

First time round I had 3 maids. my best friend from school (S), my best friend (P) & finally my cousin (C).

C - my cousin, I wouldn't have this time as we are not that close now. I don't feel bad about this decision.

P - has been such a good friend to me always & is more like family to me. She's the closest thing to a sister in my life. I would love to have her as a maid of honor this time round & would love to have her baby as a mini bridesmaid.

S - I am still very good friends with but don't see nearly as much of anymore. I think not asking her to be my maid might hurt her feelings.

Add to the mix a very dear friend of mine K. She has been my absolute rock through all the bad times I faced. We were going through some really tough times at the same time in our lives & we really helped each other through. She means so much to me so I would love to be involved in our wedding.

 

I don't know if I need to avoid having 3 maids again completely? Or avoid having 2 of the originals involved again? Or just do what I want as it wasn't my fault my previous marriage failed. What is the etiquette for 2nd timers?

Do I...

Have maid of honour (P) , 2 maids (S & K) and baby p

Or

Maid of honour (p) and baby P only (& what role could I then give K & S)

Or

maid of honour (P) & baby P & K
(At risk of upsetting S)

I'm quite caught up in whats right or wrong with this & it's giving me headaches. Any other aspect I don't really mind about etiquette and just want to do what we want to but this particular issue is tying me in knots.

Can anyone help advise me? Or tell me what you did do or might do if you were me.

Thank you so much xxx

Posts

  • :D:D Posts: 1,805

    Relationships change and I really think you should go for what you want. You could ask people to do a reading or your witness instead? From reading posts on here it's better not to have too many bridesmaids as meeting up, agreeing with outfits and hen - dos can create a lot of tension.  

  • KateMarried3KateMarried3 Posts: 339

    Do whatever you want to do. I was married before, and I didn't have any wedding attendants last time. This time I decided to ask my sister, and my husband wanted his niece as a flowergirl and his three sons as his "best men." So we had (5) people in our "wedding party." You might want to consider asking all of those girls in the event one (or more) can't do it. Being a bridesmaid takes time and money, and sometimes people can't make the commitment. 

  • Little JulesLittle Jules Posts: 1,538

    I guess it depends on your feelings - what is your guy instinct? Who do you want around for planning and on the day? If you really don't want S, you will just have to explain to her that you are doing things differently this time - and of course if you are not having C either that will be easier!

  • KK12KK12 Posts: 927

    I would say have whoever you want to have - when I got married before I had 4 bridesmaids and 3 out of those 4 women were a nightmare to deal with before the wedding!

    The one that wasn't was an angel and so she was also a bridesmaid again along with another friend who I have become close to over the past few years and her daughter was flowergirl. I had no dramas whatsoever this time round! image

Sign In or Register to comment.