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Can anyone advise on name changes and double barrelling?

Hi girls, I am divorced with two son's and have kept my ex's surname as it is also my son's names etc. I cant wait to marry my fiance, but the name change thing is really upsetting me! I dont want to change my name away from the boys, they are young and will always have that name, and I dont want to be different. I spoke to H2B and he said that there is no way I can keep it - which I can completely understand. He is however, ok (ish) about me double barrelling it, but I am not sure how, when to use full name or diff bits of it etc!! It will be Jarvis Castle - Castle being my new name. When I deal with the kids stuff it will be great to use both, but for other stuff I am happy to drop the Jarvis bit, like when we are named as a couple etc. Is this too complicated? Do you think a registrar or similar can advise? Is this easy to do?

Any opinions and advise very gratefully received, anyone else got similar dilema? Thanx xxx :\)


  • lizletlizlet Posts: 416

    I am in exactly the same situation. I have 2 girls who obviusly have my ex husbands name, and i don't want to have a different name than them.

    Not sure that my H2B is too keen, but he understands, and i also want to have name double barrelled.

    Not sure yet how to go about it, will have to investigate the easiest way to do it. Will let you know if i find out! If anyone else has done this, it would be great to know!! x :\)
  • I'm also in this situation, although (new!) husband has left it up to me to choose what I want to do - I have changed my name to his, but plan to keep my old married name for school things, so that the kids don't have to deal with a different name there. Not sure how well this will work yet, but double-barrelling isn't really an option for us as the result in our case would just sound silly. I know this isn't exactly a perfect solution but it's not an easy question x
  • anna333ukanna333uk Posts: 344
    I also use the exs name because of the children..My htb would hate me to double barrel he dislikes my ex..He even wants me to change back to my maiden name which I have refused to do as is too much hassle for a year!

  • LoriMum2twoLoriMum2two Posts: 365
    Thanks girls,

    Its an awful pradicament to be in isn't it, you want to be married to the man you love and have his name as mr and mrs, but your kids come first too. I have the same problem, notlongtilmarch, my double barrelled name will sound stupid - Jarvis Castle, sounds like edinburgh castle etc. What would yours be?

    I might ring registry office, they might be able to advise, if I do get advise, I will let you girls know.

    Thanks for the posts, H2B has made me feel really awful about this, wondering why on earth I want to keep my ex married name, but now I know its not me being weird or selfish.

    Take care xxxxx
  • sigs161sigs161 Posts: 117
    Hi ladies,

    It is very easy to change your name, it is done by deed-poll over the internet and costs £70 approx for adultsand slightly less for kids. Just google "Deed poll" and it will take you to the site.
  • Helen0902Helen0902 Posts: 682
    I am changing my name to H2B's. Kids are having double barrell name. Ex's first and mine last. That way they will still match me but will have their Dads name too, x
  • ali77ukali77uk Posts: 217
    My daughter is 9 and has my maiden name as her surname (we weren't married), did give her her dads surname as her middle name.

    H2b really wants me to have his surname, i'm not that fussed, woudl prefer to keep my maiden name.

    My daughter is upset that i might have a different name, her proposition is that H2B should take my surname and then we'd all be the same!!

    Bless her, i can see her point!

    I'm thinking of going doubled barrel, until this post i hadn't thought of doing that with her, except as dads surname middle name, she'll have three long surnames which is abit odd.

    Also worried about ex's feelings (we have a reasonably amicable relationship) how will he react to his daughter having another guys surname!!!

    Anyone else in similar boat??
  • When i divorced my childrens father I went back to my maiden name.... It was hard having a different surname to my 3 children, but they understood my reasons...... He was a evil man! I now plan to have a double barrel name....My H2B is also taking my name.... So we will be Lawson-Wilson..... Yes, weird..... But We will both use our own names for work etc etc...

    But, deep down, it is still hard not having the same name as my children.
  • loopymogloopymog Posts: 696
    Had this conversation myslef with one of my children, its really hard isnt it! I still dont know what we are going to do, only have 3 months to wedding and i really want h2b's surname but no link to my others is not a nice feeling! All i can do is ish you well and ask you to come back and tell us what you did in the end xxxx k xxxx
  • macysmummacysmum Posts: 3,230
    im in the same situation, have a child with my ex, surname taylor (i still have my ex's name too) and a baby with my h2b surname webster, i want to have the same as both my children but is taylor-webster too much of a mouthful? dont know what to do, really dont want to not have my nae changed from my eldest daughter but its too wierd to stay taylor!
  • bextailsbextails Posts: 51
    My situation is mad! My H2B's ex-wife has kept his name so she has the same surname as her kids but my first name begins with the same letter as hers does! Am I being silly not wanting to have the same name as his ex-wife? Ive suggested H2B take my name but then he won't have the same name as his kids. It's a big mess! any suggestions?
  • I went back to my maiden name when i go divorced, and finally persuaded my ex to let my children change theirs to double-barrelled (his and mine). Am also stumped about what to do with the new name. H2B just assumes I will take his but I don't want to be different from my children either. The idea of changing it but using a double barrelled version for school, etc sounds good. However, as soon as my children reach 16 they want to change their names to my H2B's which they can do without ex's consent.
  • LoriMum2twoLoriMum2two Posts: 365
    Hi, Thanks for all the comments. I talked to registrar the other day and she said that you dont need to deed poll it! You can be called whatever you want and just inform everyone like banks etc. I have decided that my official name for banks etc will be the doubled barrelled version, but we can shorten it to just my H2B's when we are anywhere as a couple. Sounds awful but I would still prefer to just keep it the way it is!!

    Years ago I thought about double barrelling with my maiden name and married name to be same as boys yet use my maiden name too, thank god I didn't! That would have been really complicated lol.

    There is no easy answer to the dilema's on this topic ladies, but I hope you all make a decision which feels right for the years to come x
  • Hi Ladies,

    I like my surname and want to keep it but as my h2b does not want me to double barrel my surname with his, I have decided to have my surname as an extra middle name even though it is obviously a Surname - if you see what i mean.

    This will be the same for our son. Long story but my h2b was 'unable'!!! to be at the registry office when our son was registered so he took my surname. So when we are married in November, our son will have his first name, his middle name, his current surname as another middle name and then take his fathers surname too.

    confused. . . well we are sure to be at some point!

    To add further cost and confusion, my son has to renew his passport before we go as it has just run out, but because we booked the cruise wedding in his current name, we cannot change his name yet or he will be unable to go!

    So all in all, after changeing his passport now and then again when we return in November and mine in November its going to cost us about £200! Lovely!

    Talk about timing! x

  • Mary-AnneukMary-Anneuk Posts: 895
    I know I have posted this before but I am at the other side of the situation, my H2B has a child from his previous marriage and his ex has just remarried and wants to change the childs' name but my H2B wants the child to retain his name, it is his child not her new husbands'.

    Not wanting to cause waves here but if your ex is involved with his child do bear in mind that he may wish to retain a link to his offspring.

  • Hi Mary Anne,

    I'm sorry - I probably didnt make my self very clear due to the confusing situation but my h2b is the biological father of our child so there is no ex involved.

    He is now very keen for our son to take his name (he just wasnt when he was first born - due to his head being lodged firmly up his ar*e).

  • MsKelticMsKeltic Posts: 9
    Having a different name to your kids is really no biggy. I took back my maiden name when I got divorced, one son uses my maiden name (though his dad won't agree to changing it legally) and the other two from my first marriage chose to continue using their dad's name.

    I have a baby with my new man, I chose to give the baby his name so the kids could see they were all the same, they all have the name of their father. OH wasn't too fussed at the time what surname I gave the baby and actually pushed for mine.

    When we marry I'm keeping my surname. He hated the idea at first (I got the whole, "You changed it for him but you won't for me") but came round and now wants me to keep my name, hehe.

    So, I have four children, two step-children and I'll have a husband. I'll share the same name as none of them. It doesn't even begin to change the relationship I have with any of them.

    I get called Mrs all sorts anyway, I just answer to everyone's name.

  • whitsunday69whitsunday69 Posts: 346
    I can answer this problem from both points of view, my mum re married when I was 9 and she changed her name my step dad's, it didn't bother me one bit. She was still my mum and I was in a happy and secure home, why did it bother me what my mum's surname was - after all I only called her by one name - "mum"!!! I got divorced a few years ago and decided to go back to my maiden name as I wanted to be "me" again, did it bother my 10 year old daughter - not one bit - I was still her mum, next year I will be remarried, my daughter will be 16 and she is so excited about the wedding that the name bit isn't even an issue. I think sometimes as adults we worry about things that children don't even consider important in their lives. I can't wait to become Mrs again and I will be proud to use his surname, I wouldn't want any reminder of my previous marriage in my name, as that was a life time ago. Enjoy your marriage and embrace your new life, your children still have their mum no matter what surname she has xx
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