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H2B & supposed friend & Ex wife * Updated 4 June*

see last post....

[Modified by: littleareca on 14 May 2008 09:26:13 ]

[Modified by: littleareca on 04 June 2008 16:14:09 ]


  • allbcozofuallbcozofu Posts: 251
    just tell him to sod off he had the cheek to publicly humiliate your future hubby he shouldnt even have the cheek to turn up bless ya seriously tho tell him to get ****** sounds harsh but if he were any sort of mate he would never do this xxx
  • patchy4patchy4 Posts: 15
    Hey, what a horrible woman!! tell the so called friend straight!! if he can do this behind your back he ain't no friend, better just to have it out and clear the air, can't think why she would need an invite to take to court, i would let your parents know and tell some close friends your scared she ties to ruin your day, then people will be aware, i hope everything goes well for you xx
  • Black-RoseBlack-Rose Posts: 4,305
    Why is she taking him to court in the first place ?

    I can't think why she would need an invite to use in a court case, so long as they are legally divorced she can't stop him from marrying.

    Was the friend aware that he wasn't supposed to tell the ex ?

  • littlearecalittleareca Posts: 10
    hi black-rose,

    Its to see if she can get more money.

    [Modified by: littleareca on June 04, 2008 04:14 PM]

    [Modified by: littleareca on June 04, 2008 04:15 PM]
  • FlossyAnnaFlossyAnna Posts: 39
    Could you give him a ring (innocently - like you have no idea what he's done) and explain that H2B's ex is taking him to court to get more money so you're really worried about it all and have to make the wedding a much smaller affair and cut down the guest list to save money!? You get him off the list and send him on a guilt trip in one go! x
  • Din_saysDin_says Posts: 226

    been through, this myself, the court thing i mean, sorry your going through it too, i know how stressfull it is, Even though were not married (not yet) my h2b ex wife wanted all mt details regarding how much i earned etc! told the solicitor NO, it was nothing to do with me etc. so her wanting the invite might be to prove he is marrying you. im so sorry your going through this and so close to your wedding.

    and as so the so called friend, i would tell him not to turn up he's not welcome, write or call him.

    i hope everything works out for you and your H2b, also make sure you H2B gets a clean break agreement!!!!! worth every penny (pound)

  • snuggsuksnuggsuk Posts: 292
    the ex wife is probably trying to get more money out of him and wanted your invite to suggest that your h2b has more money etc. Some women can just be nasty!

    As for the "supposed friend" they probably didnt realise what they were doing or how much upset it would cause. So why not give them a call? Just explain what has happened etc and they may be able to tell you why the ex wife asked for the invite and ifshe said anything else.

    Basically what i am saying is to put your mind at rest you need to talk to this friend and sort it out soon so that it doesnt effect the runup to your big day.

    As suggested before as long as h2b is legally able to marry, nothing they can do can effect your wedding!!

    Hope it all works out for you. xx
  • how to un invite? You call him and say 'im sorry - we wont be able to have you at the wedding after all' - no dicussion - say goodbye - job done - keep your dignity - dont get dragged into behaving badly - its your day and up to you who comes - but i think the h2b should do it - its his 'friend' (if ou are sure it is him!!)

    Good luck

  • Black-RoseBlack-Rose Posts: 4,305
    He should have checked with you first, of course he should, but you know what blokes are like, he probably just didn't think.

    As for un-inviting him, Flossy Anna's idea is a great one.

    Hope you get it sorted, you can do without this stress.



  • melowdiemelowdie Posts: 219
    I have a feeling maybe that invite is to prove he has more money etc and get more out of him... some people can be so cruel!

    Look at it this way even if he has to give her more money what happiness is it gonna bring her you have the real happiness and your richer because you both have each others love!

    Hope it all goes ok though I'll keep my fingers crossed for you


  • ariesgirlukariesgirluk Posts: 965
    Does your H2B pay her some spousal maintenance? If so she could be looking for an increase, or to even start him paying if she can prove to the Court that his outgoings are lessened because he is marrying - hence the wedding invite is useful evidence to present before the Judge. Your H2B should be aware what the Court action is for, he wou;n't have been kept in the dark because the Court would be asking him for some financial details when the hearing takes place.

    As for this 'so called friend' what a deceitful piece of work he is. I wouldn't beat around the bush trying to tactfully tell him he's not invited. I would give him both barrels and let him know exactly why he's no longer welcome. The effect of his actions have the potential to make quite a significant impact upon you financially for a long time to come, and he certainly wouldn't be welcome at any wedding of mine!! Best of luck with the hearing, Aries xx
  • littlearecalittleareca Posts: 10
    Thanks all for your suggestions.

    Yes Aries it is for more spousal maintenace.

    Now this 'friend' has said that he doesn't want to appear to have taken sides so is coming to the wedding as he realises that in the future he may have to meet h2b again at h2bs eldest daughters wedding!!! WTF!! So he is coming to my wedding, paid for by my parents, to spy - i kid you not - and report back to ex-wife, so that in another 10 years or when my h2b's daughter gets married he can feel okay about everything.

    end of rant! image

    [Modified by: littleareca on May 17, 2008 08:38 PM]
  • kazzy47kazzy47 Posts: 264
    rant away your entitled to when are you getting married, i would just call him and say your plans have changed and your making the wedding smaller family only but having a party for friends following weekend. hopefully he will miss it dont let some dumb a&& spoil your big day, if he is there give him a wide berth and tell him hes got more face than the town hall clock and all just has ugly, or better still be there with the biggest smile on your face, and dont let him get to you, your h2b ex obviously knows shes lost the best thing in her life a MEAL TICKET her loss is your gain,
  • lisa73uklisa73uk Posts: 147
    I feel angry for you,if my h2b's friend was spying and givin personal information to h2b's ex wife there is no way in this world that he would be comin anywhere near our weddin. Good Luck luv.x
  • It a no brainer - you just have to be brave.

    Tell the inconsiderate Pr**k to naff right off. Tell him exactly why and that he is no friend of you or your h2b.

    You dont have to tell him how you found out - it is your conversation - he has no right to ask questions.

    Just tell him straight - no dilly dallying - just get it right off your chest then hang up before he has the chance to give any pathetic explanations.

    (You may need to have a few before hand but by goodness you will feel better afterwards.)

    I'm shaking with anger whilst writing this - It really gets me that people can be so cruel.

    Do you want me to phone him? xx
  • clarekellclarekell Posts: 6,666
    Flippin 'ell.........i will call him and uninvite him!


    He's not a friend!
  • clarekellclarekell Posts: 6,666
    LOL Quinny, we had the same idea!
  • KimbyukKimbyuk Posts: 49
    So sorry to hear about your situation, sounds like a bloomin nightmare. I think your h2B should contact his 'friend' and politely have it out with him - you deserve an explaination for his actions and then you can uninvite him. Don't think a 'friend' would act in this way, he's better off out of your life. Just make sure you have good ushers on the doors of your church on your wedding day incase the ex shows up. Good luck. x x
  • littlearecalittleareca Posts: 10

    However her solicitor is wanting evidence of who is paying for the wedding - my parents -, how his stag night is being funded , how the honeymoon is being funded (by me!) and they want all my bank details.

    Does anyone know if I'll be made to give my bank information over to her?

    I don't think I've ever hated anyone so much - and I don't even know her.


    [Modified by: littleareca on May 14, 2008 09:26 AM]

    [Modified by: littleareca on June 04, 2008 04:17 PM]
  • GirliezenaGirliezena Posts: 453
    My God the law is so F***ING stupid!! How dare she ask this sort of information - I am SO angry for you, I read your original post and it bothered me so much I told H2B about it when he got home from work...........what does your solicitor say? I would really get some more legal advice as to what you have to tell her solicitors..........does she sit on her arse watching Jeremy Kyle or does she have a job? GOD I AM FURIOUS for you!!

    I read an article online that said if she had a job but lost it you shouldn't do anything until the court case or consult a solicitor as she would have proved she has the ability to get a grabbing biatch!

    Sending big hugs babe, I really feel for you and H2B x
  • GirliezenaGirliezena Posts: 453
    oh and as for the "friend" - if you can't uninvite him, take a p*ss in his glass before the wedding, wipe snot on his napkin and furtively tell everyone you speak to during the day just what a complete and utter JACKASS the man is - personally I would shove his invite up his arse until he was sh*tting confetti!!!

  • kelly162bkelly162b Posts: 1,793
    littleacre,i dont think your income matters,and you do not have to give evidence of any outgoings for the wedding,unless the court wants them,so make sure you have a differnet bank account for the wedding fund....a girl i know is after spousal maintence,she already gets £40 a week child support for 1 child,and she has re-married,i keep telling her not to bother,have a clean break etc,as it will get stressful for her as they tend to string theses things out,some women are just plain bitter,good luck x
  • Din_saysDin_says Posts: 226

    as i said in my first post, be here and done this! i hated the situation we were made to be in, i agree with kelly, hopefully her post is above this,

    i dont think you will have to give her this information, but speak to your solicitor and see what they say, as i said before h2b ex asked for all of my info, i wouldnt give it h2b solicitor and he respected that fact, but im not too sure how it'll sit when you have married, ( the ex dragged it on for well over 18 months) has your h2b ex got re married? we were told we would be in a totally different situtation if she (known as the witch) had married the fella.

    the witch even came to our house and walked up the drive and had a right nosey through the window and complained to our solicitor that we had decorated and had new furniture, (we live on a hill so the only way to look in is by getting out of your car) and she just happened to be driving past! my arse we live on a dead end!

    any way, speak to the solicitor, no you wont want to get your parents involved, i know that feeling too.

    we ended up paying her off (out of court) as it was making h2b really ill, but we were quite close to spilting up too,

    if i can help you any more just let me know, cos i know just how your feeling xxxxxxxxx
  • Din_saysDin_says Posts: 226

    again, how long was they married for?

    just re read your up date, "her solicitor wants" what has yours said?

    i dont want to know the answer, im not being nosey, but how much is she after? can you afford to settle out of court just to get rid of her?

    and please get a clean break agreement!! xxxxxx
  • coops82coops82 Posts: 166
    How horrible - of ur h2b's friend and the stupid ex! I dont think it can help any court case! If they were divorced/never married he is free to marry who he wants! Solicitor will just laugh if she takes that along to them!

    You should just tell so-called friend to get lost, and tell him why! Make sure ur close friends know this woman has hold of details, so if she does turn up, they can challenge her, before anyone notices and upsets u.

    Good luck, it sounds as if ur h2b has had a lucky escape! x x x
  • ariesgirlukariesgirluk Posts: 965
    No, don't give any financial information to her solicitor...she is just hoping that a formal solicitors request will make you disclose this information. Her solicitor holds no authority to demand this information but hopes you will be naive and provide it as ammunition against yourself when it comes to Court. Only the Judge at Court could make an order for disclosure so until, and if, that day comes, they'd get sweet F.A out of me.

    If it goes back to Court the ex would have to prove that her need for spousal maintenance is greater and she cannot claim just because she believes her ex has the ability to pay her more. She has to prove the need for more.

    Don't be bullied or harrassed into this, see a solicitor of your own if you get worried at any point. Best wishes Aries xxx
  • you dont have to put your wedding money seperately! what is in the bank doesnt matter its his income that counts - i woudl recommend gtg some proper advice from a solicitor as all this conflicting and often incorrect advise is not very reassuring! good luck

  • DaddyorChipsDaddyorChips Posts: 9,196
    Please keep the venue etc aware that someone may well call and cancel. Have something sorted with everyone so if you do have to cancel they will know it is for real and not your husband to bes ex ruining your big day. Might seem extreme but it has been known to have happened before
  • DaddyorChipsDaddyorChips Posts: 9,196
    Silly double posts Grrrr

    [Modified by: Viv1 on May 16, 2008 07:19 PM]
  • jjtobejjtobe Posts: 161
    Hi Littleareca,

    OK hun where do i start!!

    I am divorced and so is my partner,. My Ex hardly pays anything for our kids, as he declared bankrupt and then went self employed and put it all in his new wifes name!!! crafty swine! i went to my solicitor and asked if her income could be taken into account as he was only paying me 20 per week for them ...........I was told we could ask her but she could refuse and guess what ,she did.

    My H2B also has 3 children and we pay regular maintanance to her. She then found out i had my own business and tried exactly the same thing as your H2B's ex is doing and i told her solicitor to P**s Off , it was my money and i earned it and she wasnt getting a penny.

    Dont tell her anything about who is paying for the wedding, its not there business. Does your H2B pay via the CSA? if he doesnt i would consider it, your income is not taken into account with them, we used to pay his ex wife 1200 a month..i know what a pair of bloody idiots we were!!! we then went to the CSA and now we pay her 264 per month, what a difference, that taught her to stop being greedy and she now gets not a penny more and if she ever rings asking,we just say forget it!!! love it when she calls though!!!

    Hun, if you go to google and type CSA it will bring you up a link and you can do a calculation of exactly how much LEGALLY H2B will have to pay, and if it's cheaper do it that way,sod her!!

    As for your H2B's mate i would tell him where to go as well, what a friend he is? who needs enemies when you have friend like that.Just tell him the truth,you are not happy with him right now and he is no longer welcome at YOUR SPECIAL DAY.

    If i can be of any more help, please ask (there isnt much i dont know about finances where ex's are concerned)

    JJ xx
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