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To change my son's name?


I am marrying a wonderful man and have a teenage son who is also devoted to my H2B

My son will then be 18 so can change his name without my exH permission

He has very little contact with EXH: the odd email : no visits, no phone calls, no cards or letters and ceratinly no child support

However he is not sure about changing his name

I have my maiden name at the moment so we all have different names

I would like us all to have the same name

he could go "double barrelled" and have the two but it would be a nuisance in later life

If/when he marries later if his wife want sto keep her own name she would have three names........

Does anyone have experience or suggestions?


  • years ago a double barrelled name looked very posh! Lucinda Prior Palmer Green etc - i work in welfare benefits - and we see double barrell everyday on children whose parents arent married - so they have both names - that may not matter to you but i think that more frequently this is what it will be used for- so instead of posh it may be the opposite! - this is so tricky when you have kids i know...

    My boyfreinds ex wife still uses his name tho they are divorced a year - Mrs X - and his kids have the same - i wont be changing my name when we marry (thsi harks back to when we were the property of our husbands )- so in a way they are a family and im not! If i had kids with him i would want us all to have the same name but im not having kids so its not a problem .

    I feel to change your name as an adult is losing your identity a tad - now that your boy is 18 everyone knows him as X and it woud be a right hassle changing it everywhere - inland revenue etc - once i was accused of fraud as tax records were (maybe not now) held under a womans married name until she REMARRIED..and i used my maiden name again at a job - they got a mismatch with IR and all hell broke out till it was proven!

    My sister changed her name to her step dads when she was about 18 as a protest - then her mum and step dad broke up - she fell out with him - and know has a seperate name to the rest of us - for someone she now doesnt like anyway

    I think now that you wont be doing parents evening and the like - it would be easier for him to keep the name he's always had - IMHO

    He may feel under pressure to do this for you as you are so happy with the new situation -

    I think if your son isnt sure you have your answer already!

    Good luck!


    [Modified by: Lellybellybean on May 15, 2008 09:08 AM]
  • Sorry - reply posted three times!!

    [Modified by: Lellybellybean on May 15, 2008 09:03 AM]
  • and again

    [Modified by: Lellybellybean on May 15, 2008 09:05 AM]

    [Modified by: Lellybellybean on May 15, 2008 09:06 AM]
  • moraystellamoraystella Posts: 30
    That's great. In the Netherlands we say "drie maal is scheepsrecht" (Three times is the right of the ship).(Whatever that means). Very good advice. Just been to a school open day and indeed it's Mr D, Ms O and C T...confusing and awkward. As you say we'll be over all that by the time he's 18. It's just that he'll be stuck with it ongoing when he marries and has children but of course his wife and children may not take his name! Thanks again for your very good advice
  • Mary-AnneukMary-Anneuk Posts: 895
    Thought I would offer the opinion form the other side, my H2B has a son from his previous marriage and his only stipulation was that his son kept his name, he very much felt that if his son changed his surname then there would be no recognition between him and his son. Saying this my H2B does see his son regularly and plays a part in his life. Ex wife has now re-married and has 2 more children so H2B's son is the only one in their family with a different name but it was very important to my H2B that his son remained part of his family.

    Just thought I would give the opinion from the other side image
  • Thank you Mary Anne. Your H2B sounds lovely and a very good Dad which is important. Best wishes with your wedding and new family x
  • just though i'd join in:

    my parents weren't married and my dad italian so my surname was w***** de B***** di P****** this was no picnic when i had to write it out (my first name is francesca and i have 2 middle names adding up to another 15 letters).

    when i married i took his surname and dropped mine, we then had a daughter with his surname, we split up and i had another daughter with partener2 she has his surname, i kept my married name because it was easier than changing it.

    my ex now has no contact and we would like to change my eldest daughters name to h2b so we are all the same,

    my other daughter lives with her dad so no name change there.

    although i would like us to all have the same name it doesn't really bother me, you can change names all you want it doesn't change who their parents are!

    we are going for adoption instead (of eldest that is, if her dad were still around i would never have allowed her to call h2b dad let alone change names)

    sometimes it bothers me that my 2nd daughter will never have the same name as me but then i think she could be called Bin Laden and she'd still be my daughter!
  • just read that and appologies for the lengh and also i realise that my past does not paint a pretty picture but i asure you am really very nice (i always worry about how people will judge me) i was young and nieve (im only 24 now)
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