Should I confront a friend who dropped out of hen do and wedding last minute?

A friend dropped out of my hen do the week before we were all due to go away with the excuse she had "doubled booked" and then two weeks before the wedding sent an email to our RSVP email address saying "something had come up" and she could no longer attend the the wedding.

I was a little annoyed about the hen do but livid with the way she cancelled on us regarding the wedding. She's got my number and my personal email address and I felt a call or a personal email to explain her circumstances would have been much more polite. 

We're not as close as we used to be but I still considered her a friend important enough to invite and I'm quite hurt with the way she she communicated her non attendance. Since the wedding I haven't heard a peep out of her but notice she's managed to make it to Glastonbury (which she NEVER misses).

I didn't think it'd affect me so much but it has. Should I confront her? And if so what approach should I take?

Posts

  • mrspea2bemrspea2be Posts: 275 New bride

    it sounds like your not as close as you used to be, but you clearly still value her friendship. I would be disappointed to. how involved are you likely to be with her in the future ?, I suppose if there is ever a chance to be closer friends again you will have to talk to her about it, just say how disappointed you were that she couldn't come. if you do not plan on seeing much of her, and she was a seasonal friend, then there isn't much point in bringing it up and upsetting yourself further.

    I hope she can give you the closure you need to move on from it x

  • Kelly241Kelly241 Posts: 392 New bride

    It's up to you what you think you should do, but I would be upset given the situation as well.

    It may be worth asking her that due to the sudden cancellation of both the hen party and the wedding if everything is ok? 

    Leave the ball in her court to reply (if by text or email) and wait for her to get back to you.  If she gets back great, if not, then I would no longer worry about people who can't give you the time of day, friend or not.

    Good luck,

    x

  • HailsHails Posts: 2,455

    How awfu! Not sure she is worth wasting time on. I'd just be cutting her out my life for good - delete her off any social media etc and wouldn't initiate any contact or make any effort to see her. I think she's made it pretty clear she isn't very invested in your friendship.

  • MrsRendall2BMrsRendall2B Posts: 749 New bride

    I'd be extremely hurt if I were in the situation too.

    You have to ask yourself whether it's worth bringing up. It sounds like she's a bit of a fair weather friend anyway so I'd be tempted not to and just to cut my losses.

    But if you did decide to, I'd go along with Kelly241's suggestion of phrasing it as more of a concern for her - 'is everything alright?' than a 'why didn't you come to my wedding?!'. It may well be that there's something going off at home that she hasn't wanted to say or financial issues.

    Like you said though, there were better ways of going about it. A text/call/email to your personal address would've been much politer.

  • bella2015bella2015 Posts: 1,903 New bride

    I'd be really annoyed too but I certainly wouldn't be making any more effort with her, neither would I be contacting her to ask why she'd cancelled- if you were that important to her then she would have already spoken to you directly. 

    One of my closest friends didn't turn up for my 30th birthday party a few years back- I haven't heard from her since. I haven't actually made any effort to chase her as I don't see why I should, and I can honestly say that I don't really miss her in my life at all. 

  • lauren318lauren318 Posts: 482

    i have to agree with what the other ladies have said, especially as i know too well from my recent experience.

    I now think you shouldn't have to chase people to be at your wedding, they should want to be there. If she can't make an effort to contact you that says a hell of a lot!

     

    Don't worry :-) x

  • Katherine66Katherine66 Posts: 1,234

    I would just leave it . 

  • Laura349Laura349 Posts: 996 New bride

    I agree with everyone else, I know you'll be feeling pretty hurt at the moment, but ask yourself if it's really worth bring it all up again and upsetting yourself if her answer isn't what you'd expect.

    Focus on the people who actually want to be there! And how happy your day will be with them, if your friend can't be bothered to contact you then it says more about her as a person than it does you. 

     

    Chin up! 

  • NikkiMNikkiM Posts: 1,653 New bride

    I had a similar situation with a 'friend' who dropped out of the hen do and thought it was acceptable to let me know whether she could make the wedding a week or two before the wedding. I withdrew the invite and we no longer speak. Sometimes you know when it's time to say enough is enough. If she can't make the effort for you on your big day, she's not worth your time.

  • I read this with interest as I have bets on one of Mr P's friends not coming to the wedding but only saying on the day (he did this as an evening guest to someone else in our friendship circle and that couple won't speak to him now).

    I would be livid. There is the tiniest chance there is a real reason, but why she wouldn't call is beyond me. I'd be gutted if I couldn't make a wedding at late notice and would call the bride/groom and at least send a card if not a gift too. 

    She's rude. I agree with Hails, never contact her again and delete her. You don't need people like that in your life.

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