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Dad's a retired vicar - marry me or give me away? Or both?!

Hi, this is quite an unusual one and I'd really value your opinion (sorry about the length)! My dad's a retired vicar and I grew up going to his church. So even though I've moved away now I always knew I wanted to get married there (it's far more personal). There's a new vicar there now and he's agreed to marry us which is great. My problem is this - my dad really wants to do the 'dad' thing and give me away (I'd like that too, obviously). But he also would love to do the vows and marry us both. That would mean him walking me up the isle in morning suit, running to the back room and changing into cassock during the first hymm, then emerging to do our vows. Do you think that would be as farcical as it sounds?!!

H2B and I are of the mind that it would be a bit odd and may turn the ceremony into a bit of a joke and all about my dad, as selfish as that sounds. I might find it a bit weird, my dad marrying us both! Am I being awful? I'd just like my dad to do the normal thing so he can be 'off duty' on the day. We're going for lunch with him on Sunday and I'd really like to give him our views then. But I really don't want to upset or offend him - aargh!!

Last point - all this may be academic because the new vicar may not allow it to happen! xx


  • How about letting him do a "blessing" afterwards - that way he gets to do the Dad thing AND a bit of what he used to do too.. plus it cements the dad blessing the ceremony..

    Would drag it all out a bit though!


    Good luck xx
  • medusaukmedusauk Posts: 170
    Hmm, that's an idea - thanks Laura. Will have to look into that. Maybe we could get him to give a blessing after the ceremony - the day after or something... x
  • clujucluju Posts: 2,843
    could he be a second vicar in the whole thing with the usual vicar in charge and him just doing the vows, I'm not sure how long your ceremony is so I don't know if it'd work.

    Just an idea, we went to a wedding with two priests recently both family friends one did the vows the other the blessing of the rings, and they both read bits of the eucharistic prayer etc.. It worked really well for them

    good luck

    Clare xx
  • cressydec08cressydec08 Posts: 1,474
    I think Clare's (cluju) idea is an excellent one.

    My fiance Isaac's uncle is a vicar, and when his daughter got married, a vicar from another parish was the vicar 'in charge', but Isaac's uncle carried out some of the service (including the vows). It worked out really well, was very emotional (especially for dad and daughter!), and it meant dad could be involved with the service without having to neglect his FOB duties!

    Good luck.
  • mrsj36mrsj36 Posts: 2,340
    My mum's dad was a vicar and her brother took her up the aisle (he was a teenager at the time and it was apparently hilarious as he messes around a lot) and my granddad married them.

    Cluju's idea is nice!x
  • medusaukmedusauk Posts: 170
    Thanks for your advice, Cluju, Cressy and Juice. I think that's a good solution. My only worry would be that he'd be running around during the service (no one else to give me away) and that I might get embarassingly emotional if he was doing the vows! But I'm sure we could work something out - I'll let you know what we decide! xx
  • My father in law married us in October and I can say it was the best service I have ever been 2! It was warm and funny, emotional and sensitive.

    He made it very personal and everyone commented on what a good service it was it did not take any shine of me and hubby.

    He wear under his robe his morning suit, could your dad do that? The vicar leads you in anyway so he could do both

    [Modified by: MagicPumpkin on December 11, 2007 12:25 PM]

    [Modified by: MagicPumpkin on December 11, 2007 12:25 PM]
  • medusaukmedusauk Posts: 170
    Good to hear your about your experience MagicPumpkin, thanks. I suppose he could wear a morning suit under his robe, yes. I'm seeing the vicar and my dad on Sunday so I'll go through the various options with them then xx
  • Jadis_NTJadis_NT Posts: 515
    My MoH's mother married her (she is a registrar) and it made for a beautifully personal ceremony - by far the most meaningful civil service I have ever been to.

    _If_ you decided you were happy for him to perform the ceremony, perhaps your Mum could give you away? But whatever you decide, it has to be what you will feel comfortable with.
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