Totally mad but going to totally just do it!

Ok, most people save for their big day, but if we were to save we would never get there, so going to totally wing it and see what happens, with a nil budget! Yeap, just tweaking finances each month and paying as we go!



Having both been married before and had the big wedding with sit down meal and evening do, this time and being older and wiser (not that the above paragraph suggests we are wiser lol) have worked out from our previous weddings what we don't want.



Neither of us want the whole wedding day experience with sit down meal......headaches of who sits next to who, and who has to avoid who, no thanks. Feeding people, who some just moan about what is being served and how they could of done it better or wouldn't have had what's on the menu, no thanks. No photographer....because h2b never looked at his pics and mine are shoved under my desk at work in the proof album, yes, I hated them so never bothered to get them done into the proper album I had paid for, they are 10 years old! So this time going to put a couple of people in charge of taking pics so we ensure we get them and they will be natural rather than staged, plus we just don't have the money for a photographer, so it's one less headache.



Plan is, registry office - (provisionally booked until we can give notice), getting married at the last available opportunity in the day - 5 pm, evening party (avoiding the word reception) with disco, serving three hot meats, bread rolls, stuffing the sauces, roast potatoes, salads and a rice salad, pudding I can pick up from a factory direct so can cut cost there. Waiting on a price from the caterers at the venue how much they will charge per head. Hiring a room within a community centre at £25 per hour, bar and staff come with it....if the caterers to dear, we will sort out friends etc and get the stuff ourselves as I have a Costco card. Wedding cake, h2b has a friend who can do cakes and at a very good price. Basically the older you get you realise that all your friends want is to share your day, have a dance and get drunk! That's my plan. As for invites, I shall have a crack at these my self and shall ebay for crystals and feathers and other bits I want to go on tables...actually quite excited....but life is about risk taking and I know that we will cut back more so in our spending every month, to pay as you go rather than save and I am challenging us to do it as cheap as cheap can be, but looking as dear as it can. I shall have a nice wedding dress and our daughters and my neice as bridesmaid..look out the sales. £15.000 on a wedding?? You've lost sight of what the days about....it's about 2 becoming 1 in front of people that mean a lot and that's priceless...not £15.000 plus.



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  • mrsjames2bmrsjames2b Posts: 45
    i think that sounds like my ideal wedding near enough.

    i am 24 and neither of us has done this before but are wedding is just about us saying are vows we are having a registry office wedding at 3 pm then party after thats it lol some peoples faces are brill when i tell them everything included it will all be under 3k
  • Cool, when do you get married?. For me it's not about impressing others with wow venues and small portions of food, nor do we want to be in debt for a day we couldn't afford and end up falling out over money a few months down the line. I love watching Four Weddings, it's not always the most expensive that wins. People just want a good time and let their down. I love searching the net for bargains and can't wait to get stuck in with the wedding ones. x

  • mrsjames2bmrsjames2b Posts: 45
    iknow what you mean lilmizplanning2011 i love a bargain i am haggleing on 2 brides maid dress's on ebay at min in sizes i want only been worn once got them down to seventy at min and got room free at reception cos they doing food and one of cheapest i could find image
  • NowMrsMaggsNowMrsMaggs Posts: 1,823
    Sounds like a lovely day, but I don't think that if you spend £15k on your wedding you've "lost sight of what the days about." I have worked really hard to pay for the extra touches that will make our day memorable, but I certainly don't think this demeans mine and h2b's relationship! I'm sure if someone gave you a few thousand towards your day, you wouldn't say "no thank you, spending money on your wedding makes you lose touch with what the day's about, I won't accept your cash."



    No doubt you can have a lovely wedding on a budget, but if you've got the money, then why not spend more if you want to on making that bit more special?



    Good luck on your wedding day, sounds like you're going to make it very personal, and I'm sure it will be beautiful image
  • Miss_PenguinMiss_Penguin Posts: 1,020
    I wanted to echo what MrsMaggs2B said. Well done for having the day you want and that suits you. Having confidence in your decisions doesn't mean that everyone else's choices are wrong. Good luck with all your planning.



    (By the way, I'm not spending over £15,000 but making comparisons can often upset people).
  • melwingmelwing Posts: 2,666
    Sounds like a great idea as the main thing is to get married to your h2b and not to have a showy do...



    We spent over £15k on one wedding and we're having another one in August that will cost us just over £10k.



    I think its all about what you want and can afford and i don't think you have lost sight of what the days about when you spend over £15k...



    H2B and I wanted a day that we will remember forever, wedding pictures that we will cherish and look at. I absolutely love pictures and it was one of the most important things for us to blow the budget on when it comes to our wedding day.



    As you've done it all before i can understand that you don't want to spend that money all over again as I think that if I had to do it again - renewing vows - not getting married again lol I only got married last week... Then it would rather just do a small intimate do with my husband. I wouldn't want to have a big wedding all over again...



    We're having our 2nd wedding abroad as most of my family live there and my hubby is from the UK so his family live here. It already feels quite weird to be getting married again and being a bride all over again but I am looking forward to it especially that it will be a much bigger wedding and we also get a holiday in a 5 star resort after the wedding image



  • I agree with MrsMaggs2B!



    We are spending 16 grand! Which we have saved gradually for and paid off bit by bit. We didnt decide at the start of the engagement that we wanted to spend that much but we have and its gone on bits and pieces that will make the day fun and memorable.



    Im sure if it was my 2nd time round i wouldnt want a huge expensive wedding, but as its my first and i plan it to be my only i dont see why we shouldnt have the wedding we want.



    We dont have a posh venue and we are having a church wedding, i got my bridesmaid dresses in the sale at ?????£20 each and my dress was a bargain. Just every little bit add's up, i dont think weve lost touch about what the day means.. xx
  • MrsB007MrsB007 Posts: 117
    I think just go for a) whst you can afford, and b) what you want for your day. I'm not keen on being the centre of attention so went for something a bit lower key, but you also have to remember that this is the one big day of your life where people have to make the effort to come, and you are probably never going to have all your guests together in the same place again after the wedding so make the very most of it.
  • amyyearleyamyyearley Posts: 3,442
    I personally feel £15k is crazy for a wedding UNLESS you can spare it easily or someone else can afford it



    i have a friend who 'can't afford a deposit on a house' who's spending this kind of figure on their wedding



    they're even sponging off parents for it, if i asked my parents for money for a wedding or money for a home i know what i'd be more embarrassed to ask for



    I think they're idiots (to put it mildly!!!)



    winging it is dangerous but as long as you're organized i don't see why it shouldn't be FAB! xx
  • MissM2mrsBMissM2mrsB Posts: 448
    Each to their own, hope you have a wonderful day but it's a shame that people feel the need to judge other people's choices. I would be very shocked if someone came on here and said 'spending under 5k on a wedding is crazy' they would rightly be called rude and nasty...our wedding days and plans are equally important and precious no matter how much or how little we are spending.

  • kate2008ukkate2008uk Posts: 137
    Quoted:
    Each to their own, hope you have a wonderful day but it's a shame that people feel the need to judge other people's choices. I would be very shocked if someone came on here and said 'spending under 5k on a wedding is crazy' they would rightly be called rude and nasty...our wedding days and plans are equally important and precious no matter how much or how little we are spending.


    GRRRR I can't quote , but totally agree with what MissM2mrsB said above.

  • I think if thats what you want you have it.



    But to say someone spending £15k on a wedding has lost sight is totally uncalled for.



    If you can afford it go for it. Just because your first wedding didnt work out as a big wedding and you are doing it differently this time doesnt mean other people spending 15k are losing sight at all.



    But your wedding sounds very nice and if thats what you want you do it image
  • BambagirlBambagirl Posts: 7,506
    Cardstock invitation blanks (plus envelopes) are 60p each from Confetti. The same invitation blanks are a lot cheaper from here:



    http://www.liz-craft.co.uk/



    and they sell other card making items DIRT CHEAP!!



    Anyway, you CAN do this but never take anything for granted. You'll both need to tighten your belts in other ways with your normal living expenses. All the obvious stuff like taking a packed lunch to work instead of buying a sandwich or a canteen meal. Only using the car when strictly necessary - or using it to achieve SEVERAL messages in one journey.



    Your wedding plans certainly ARE achievable. And don't forget, many of those who "save" also get smaller items day-to-day out of their ordinary money.



    The most useful advice I can ever give you is to avoid using the word "wedding" when arranging anything. Once you've used the W word, your haggling ain't going to be all that successful!



    I can also offer you my free e-mailed pack - you can read about this here:



    http://www.youandyourwedding.co.uk/community/forums/thread/279444





    But due to the difficulty in making contact (I don't like giving my e-mail on here and they haven't set us all up with private messaging yet) you might need to contact me via this other wedding website I'm a member of:





    http://z7.invisionfree.com/A_Wedding_Forum/index.php?showforum=12





    Anyway, that's up to you!



    Good luck with your planning!



    Bamba xx
  • vanessahusbandvanessahusband Posts: 1,077
    Completely agree with what some of the ladies have said about budgets. We are spending a lot of money on our wedding day, but we are doing so because we can easily afford it, we haven't asked anyone for any handouts and we are paying for it ourselves. I don't think anyone's budget is 'wrong' - spend what you wish to, be that a small or a large amount, and everyone's wedding days wil be special.

    I want to celebrate our love for each other and it happens to be that we both have good jobs and have saved for a number of years, not specifically towards a wedding as such, but nevertheless we can afford it. Why does it mean that I have lost sight of the importance of getting married? There are certain things that I really wanted for my day and I don't see why I shouldn't have them or should scale back if I don't have to. It's up to me isn't it? For me, the marriage is what I ultimately want, the marriage to the man I adore. But I think I'm entitled to spend a bit of money on it! Xx
  • SarahMor84SarahMor84 Posts: 1,493
    We are spending ?????£20K on our wedding. We are lucky enough to afford that. I do not think I have lost sight of what I am spending it on though and I think it is very unfair to assume that anyone who is lucky enough to have a larger budget has.



    Please do not forget that the average wedding is about ?????£20k, how true that is I am not sure but it always seems to be the figure quoted.



    The most important thing for me on the day is that I am marrying my soulmate and best friend and sharing the love we have for each other with everyone who is close to us.



    I am not under the illusion that if we spend lots our wedding will be better than someone who spends ?????£2k, these things are individual and as such should not be generalised or judged.
  • Sorry, didn't mean to offend anyone with my comment at the end of my first post. If people have the cash free and easy fine but many people don't, they end up in crap loads of debt, for what? Not a good start to married life is it, especially in this day and age when most people will already have a certain amount of personal debt. I don't get people taking out loans and banging it on cards just to get the day they want, when the day is about 2 becoming 1, not at a cost, with redundancies on the up etc....ah well not my worry.

    I have a friend who is being given £15k to spend on her wedding by a family memeber and is blowing the whole lot on the wedding, fancy everything she can get, more so as I know her, it will be to impress people with the venue, decor etc why impress others, that's the bit I don't get and meant by lost sight of what the days about.

    Anyway, good luck to you all and enjoy your days. x

  • TDB2011TDB2011 Posts: 984
    I dont think you spend 15-20k on a wedding to impress other people. We definately arent doing it for other people - we have chosen our venue/photographer/videographer/band/dress because its what WE like. A lot of our budget has gone on purely making sure we have a nice venue with nice food with nice rooms for our guests to stay in so they can enjoy the experience just as much as we are. I dont think its wrong to want to make your guests happy as well - even if the general sentiment is that they just want a dance and drink and to see their friends to get married. I definately havent lost sight of what a wedding is about - marrying the man I love is the most important thing to me.
  • shelleyf30shelleyf30 Posts: 3,971
    I see both sides of this arguement, i think it does depend on what you want and can afford and it doesn't mean that you lose sight of why you are doing it, i said out of principle that i wouldn't spend more then 10k, we are marrying because we love each other and we got engaged in september and are getting married in october, we didn't want to wait and worked out how long it would take us to save the money without getting into debt, we want to celebrate with our friends and we are having a sit down for 80 people, we looked around and compromised but the main thing for us is being with friends and sharing with them and what little family we both have, we would have done self catering in a hall if that was all we could afford but nether the less its a celebration and a party that we want to share with others. i wouldn't have waited any longer then a year to get married
  • danielle54ukdanielle54uk Posts: 405
    I completely agree with what lots of other ladies have said - it is wrong to judge anyone's budget, big or small.

    We are spending more than 20k on our wedding but we aren't going into debt or taking handouts fom anyone. If we can afford that and it is what we want to spend our hard-earned cash on, then what business is it of anyone else's?



    It often seems on this site that big budget brides get slagged off and judged in a way that would cause outrage if it was the other way round - making derrogatory comments about smaller budget weddings.



  • i have been to a friends wedding that cost £16000 + and a cousins wedding that cost total of £1600 in the same year and both were absoultly brilliant. if youve got it and want to blow it go for it, if not then dont! hope all you ladies have fabulous days that give you memories to cherish for the rest of your lives image
  • WasMrsAshleyWasMrsAshley Posts: 1,042
    We're spending 30k, which we have saved in 9 months since we got engaged, so we can afford it. We're not spending that amount to 'impress people' per se, we're doing it to because a) we can afford to and b) we want everyone to have a lovely memorable day for our marriage.... I love what you have described for your day, and having done it all before I think you really do know what you don't want - I think I would be the same second time around too....I think it's a bit mean when people comment that it's a waste of money or doing it to impress other people etc etc ....kind of depends on how much 30k means to you though doesn't it, these things have to be put into perspective. It's more than many people earn in a year, but it's far less than I earn in a year and the same for my partner. So why shouldn't we spend that amount on our 'one time only special day'....we're not struggling to buy a house, we already have a lovely house, we're not saving to have a baby, we have a lovely son, OK the cash could have gone on my new car but the Wedding was more important to me...image x x x
  • tillypusstillypuss Posts: 571
    Your wedding sounds perfect - and I totally understand where you are coming from.

    I got married 2 weeks ago and including a week in Cyprus we spent approx £15k. My priorities were on things to help us remember the day, For example I spent 3 times the amount I spent on my dress on my ring after all I will be wearing that for the rest of my life. There are some people on here that have chosen to do it the opposite way round.



    Everyone is different and for us our day was perfect, the venue, the guests, the entertainment and most of all the memories. We felt that our day was what we had always wanted and suited our personalities to a tee. We got married for us. We value this and are very happy in our lives - and alas we still need to pay for some of it (I went over budget!). But thats for us to deal with. Together as Husband and Wife.



    Claire

    x

  • FlippingfabFlippingfab Posts: 701
    I dont get it, if your friend was given £15k to spend on her wedding why should she not spend it ON her Wedding? Me and My partner paid for our £12k wedding which had it not been for all my hard work and bargain hunting could have been more but if someone gave me the money I would not turn ruond and spend £5k on the wedding and stick the rest in a pot for a rainy day thats an insult to who gave it to you in the 1st place isnt it?
  • Big budgets, little budgets it dont matter!!! If we could afford it, or someone gave us some money, our choices would have been different, we would have spent more on some things and had things that we now will do without because we cannot afford them!!We got engaged in 2005 and provisionally booked a venue for 2008(which was twice the amount we are paying now!)but my oh lost his job so the wedding was put on hold! We were sitting in our garden last year and oh said "why dont we just go for it? we will have small ceremony with close family and friends, then party after for everyone else!" we havent saved, so we are paying as we go! we already have children and want to be married to complete us as a family unit. I have been married before (i was young and pregnant with my eldest)and 17yrs ago it only cost us 1k (and everyone enjoyed themselves!). If we got married in 2008 our budget would have been over 12k. Now the love of my life and I have a budget to aim for of 3k or less, as i am an avid bargin hunter now!!MY POINT is you can have a great day no matter what your budget, its the thought that goes into the day that makes it special not how little or much you spend! i am sure we will all have fantastic days!!! image
  • vjj32vjj32 Posts: 73
    I think it also depends on family.

    I was really worried about how much we were spending on the wedding - over 14k before honeymoon. But alot of the spend is because of my Mum's ideas of what should be done - and she is paying alot of the cost! It is also that my Mum and Dad (Stepdad) got married when I was 17, and there were only about 8 people there - me and my brother, Nan and Grandad and a couple of friends. We only got told the day before. I now personally think this was a great way to do it, but my Nan STILL feels offended and upset about it 10 years on! Also we have 3 relatives coming who are disabled, so needed accommodation at the venue, which meant a hotel, which raised the cost loads, as did having it on a Saturday so more people could come. We have kept it small, with only 35 people to the ceremony, and most of the cost is exclusive use of the venue as we didn't want strangers staring - neither of us like being the centre of attention. There are so many compromise that need to be made. Its fine to just go for what you want but you risk upsetting people.
  • I agree with what a lot of people are saying... its your money, your day, spend it as you will. I would however like to say that a second marraige is no less important than a first one! Just because someone had a big day for their first wedding (like myself) doesn't mean that they can't have one for their second (like myself). When I said my first wedding vows I meant every single word, unfortunately stuff happens and it didn't work out.And when I say my vows this time I shall mean every word.. sometimes forever just doesn't come first time but it certainly doesn't diminish your ability to want to celebrate your love and hope that this time it really is forever... image
  • Here here imsoindecisive xx im doing things differently this time, ie taking our time, and i am having a wedding dress this time which i didnt last time,(just dress and jacket-coz i was 6mths pregnant) i was also only 20. I am more wiser now and when i say my vows, it will be from the heart. No because the registra told me to say them! WE are deciding what songs,vows,colours etc. its team work xx
  • warren79warren79 Posts: 166
    imsoindecisive I agree and second everything you have said image
  • Hey, that sounds great! We're also trying to do it on a low budget but with nice stuff. The only 2 splurges (ok 3!) are the church (V important to me to get marrie din a church), my Terry Fox designer dress (was supposed to be £2800 but got it for £1000), and a gospel choir!!



    I think as long as your wedding is how you want it to be it doesnt matter how much you spend, where you have it, how many people you invite etc
  • catrich6catrich6 Posts: 79
    We are spending about £11k on our wedding - second time for both of us. We want it to be like a big party but still like a wedding. We have saved up for this and have done without a lot to have our family and friends share in our special day and to make it special for them too. We were originally only spending about 5k but it just crept up and my h2b wants me to have the best. I have spent nearly all my adult life scrimping and scraping and now I am having the wedding day I have always wanted not what everyone else, especially my parents, wants. It is really personal taste and personal budget. No two weddings are ever the same so how can anyone say what they should and should not be spending.
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