The Split Between Glee and Guilt

Okay, so I was looking at our budget spreadsheet today and we're definitely heading into the BBB territory, but despite moments of worrying what other people would think I actually LOVE that for once in my life I'm not worrying about how much something is costing but just running with it and planning the wedding of our dreams.

I watch Four Weddings and all I can think is how happy I am with our choices.

Everything, and I mean everything, is absolutely tailored to us: dresses (mine, MoB and bridesmaids), suits (G's having his made and a few of the groomsmen and ushers have chosen to take the opportunity to have theirs made too), my shoes, the jewellery, the hats, the menu (we're working very closely with our caterers so they're serving something I would), the flowers, heck even the photobooth... There isn't anything that does scream "This is our wedding".

Basically I'm loving it and I'm fed up of feeling guilty about splashing out. My mum has seen the budget spreadsheet and isn't even phased, we can afford it without taking out a loan, so why should I bother with guilt about something I shouldn't feel guilty about?

Is there any sort of big budget bride pride allowed?


  • july2011july2011 Posts: 817
    I worked on our budget spreadsheet last night - did all the maths and added up what the day was costing us. It's a phenomenal amount of money - I said it out loud today to my boss and it just seemed absolutely ridiculous.

    But.... we are getting absolutely everything we want. We get to throw the most amazing party and we'll have the time of our lives. We'll never have to look back and thing "oh, i wish we did. .." or, "i wish we could have afforded..."

    I think it's only human to feel a little guilty about excesses. But I too am running with it! Its great to have exactly what you want!
  • MoodleDGMoodleDG Posts: 584
    I dont feel guilty at all even though sometimes I think thats a house deposit!!

    As long as you dont go into debt and you have it because you want it - why feel guity! I like nice things! London weddings are never cheap anyways and you do only do it once!

    I never feel guilty for making big purchases because I work extremely hard for my money and if you've earned it you may as well spend it image
  • bubblegum_pbubblegum_p Posts: 275
    Thanks for this! It's very timely as I've been having slight pangs of guilt over our budget, which has exceeded what we originally anticipated by about a 1/3. But we can afford it, and like you, we're both so happy with all of our choices. Just so looking forward to it all now, so really should just relax - the budget is spent so just sit back and enjoy it!
  • MoodleDGMoodleDG Posts: 584
    I didnt even set a budget! It is what it is! image

    Now I just have to explain to my H2B why it was COMPLETELY necesarry that I bought a Westwood Gold Label and Alexander Wang Frock today as they were such a bargain! hahaha image
  • SpecialSundaeSpecialSundae Posts: 3,029
    We didn't really set a budget either. We just worked out how much we were willing to spend with flexibility and then how to find the money.

    We're not getting into debt (and nor are any of our families) and we already own a house. I suppose there isn't really anything to feel guilty about. I have two friends getting married this year and together their wedding budgets are about £10k less than ours... That said, my cousin who's getting married just after us will have a much bigger budget than ours anyway!
  • MRCJMRCJ Posts: 225
    I'm shocked by our budget to be honest. We already had a large budget due to generous donations from our parents and we both have good jobs. However, when I'd written everything down (confetti, styling, so many flowers you can't see for roses) I was pretty shocked.

    But you know what?

    I don't CARE.
  • cazmack1cazmack1 Posts: 253
    Well done all of you .... I don't have a big budget but if I did I wouldnt feel guilty at all ... If it gives you the day you want that's fantastic .... Like you say it's an important day n you should be able to do it as you want we all work hard why should anyone feel guilty about spending their own money ... I wish I had a bigger budget but without goin into debt its not possible but I am trying to get good deals n still hav most of the things I want .... Luckily the dress I fell in love with wIth wasnt too expensive !!! Hope you all have fantastic days xx image
  • SpecialSundaeSpecialSundae Posts: 3,029
    I'm wondering if I should go back to my original flower budget (which was still pretty tiny in comparison to everyone else's) but with the friend's mum who's doing it at wholesale and completely go wild with the flowers.
  • Sammie-JoSammie-Jo Posts: 43
    I think as long as you can afford it there's no reason to feel guilty at all. I know plenty of my/friends/family/colleagues would be appalled if they knew how much we're spending but to be honest I don't think what we're doing is that unreasonable and we are very comfortable with the amount we're spending.

    We went to a wedding last year where they spent considerably more than we are and my Mum keeps talking about it saying, "I can't believe they spent that much on x" but what's the problem - it's their money. I say spend away to your heart's content!
  • SpecialSundaeSpecialSundae Posts: 3,029
    I went to a friend's wedding in India and, if they had done it here, it would have cost well into six figures and, as it was, it wouldn't have been cheap. My mum didn't complain about it and she's not complaining now, however G's dad has been a little shocked at the price of things.
  • DH2DKDH2DK Posts: 410
    We have a very large budget, but we can afford it and we don't begrudge a penny.

    I know that certain people who are attending our wedding will practically have a calculator out but I think stuff 'em!

  • TDB2011TDB2011 Posts: 984
    We have a big budget, only attainable through parental contribution, and for that we are grateful. But I don't feel guilty - we haven't been ridiculously extravagant in our spending. We have just ensured we have the best we can possibly get in everything. Yes, there have been a few times when we have splashed out, but these are the things that have brought us a lot of happiness and will be worth it on the day.
  • MRCJMRCJ Posts: 225
    Special Sundae,

    I would go with your gut. If you're having "informal country chic" flowers then I would say go with your friends Mum because she's probably able to do it. If you're having something complex then I would go with a professional.

    I'm having my bouquet and bridesmaids and circlets done by an AMAZING professional but doing the rest myself!
  • gemskatgemskat Posts: 692
    The only time I ever felt guilty about my budget was when talking to one of my closest friends who's getting married 7 months before us. They've got a smaller budget, so when we talk about things, I often feel perhaps I don't need that or perhaps I could go for the cheaper alternative. But then again, we can afford what we're spending, its everything we want and the wedding will be 'us' just as I'm sure their wedding will be 'them'!
  • MissM2mrsBMissM2mrsB Posts: 448
    Don't feel guilty, unless you are getting married in a register office in jeans and trainers someone, somewhere, will think you have been extravagant! I for one am so sick of reading 'the more you spend on the wedding the more likely to get divorced' or 'I spent 75p on my wedding in 1952 and I am still married so I therefore I am right' or 'spending more than £100 on a dress is disgusting'! I wouldn't dream of saying that someone elses wedding was cheap and nasty so why assume it is any less hurtful to say people have wasted money?
  • Just go with the flow - it's about what YOU and H2B want. Enjoy! We did image
  • Cal86xCal86x Posts: 252
    not a big budget bride at all my budget is 3000 if i could afford to spend 30 000 i would be doing it dont feel guitly enjoy every second!!!
  • My parents have given us a sum for the wedding and initially we thought it would be far too much. Then we looked at what we wanted (mainly free-flowing booze all evening, although I also want some choos...) and realised it was way over. At first I was a bit freaked out by the idea of spending so much on one day, as I thought that to marry the man I love I would want something simple - but at the end of the day we can afford it, and there's nothing I'd rather spend the money on.

    That said, I still lie to everyone, family included, about what it's actually costing...
  • MissTtoMrsDMissTtoMrsD Posts: 130
    I'm so glad for this post. We don't have a budget for our wedding- that went out the window a long time ago. We calculated that it will come to around the 25k Mark which we are saving ourselves. We aren't accepting help from family. They don't have much money and we can do it ourselves.

    I do feel terribly guilty at times knowing that my friends really struggled with the bare minimum and I'm sure there are people who talk and saying very hurtful things. Then the way I look at it, we get married on our 10 year anniversary, we know this is it for us, we've found our perfect match and you can never get your day back if you have any regrets. I would hate to look back and wish I'd done something differently. We may be saving every penny for the next year, but we can do it.
  • So glad for this thread!

    When I first started planning I was of the view that it's only 1 day... now I'm going for it's the only wedding I'll have so we'd best do it right! Starting to feel a bit guilty though as it is getting expensive (going to try my dream silk couture dress on Saturday: only 3 x my original budget)!

    Just to ask though.. what actually constitutes a big budget?!
  • Cheeky10_2Cheeky10_2 Posts: 1,989
    I sometimes feel a little guilty as we'd love to have an extension on our house and the wedding budget would have paid for that!

    But, then I think why not have the day we want? We've been together for 16 years and we want to have the best ever day of our lives
  • LeilaHukLeilaHuk Posts: 99
    I got married last May (not massive budget but above average) and don't regret a single penny that was spent on my wedding - we had the time of our lives and it still brings the hugest grin to my face every time I think about it.

    Perhaps I would have rather had a cheaper cake - but that's only because it wasn't important to me (and the top tier saved for our first child's christening is knocking around going off and I think that is a bit of a waste as it will be vile by the time we have children!)

    I do wish we had spent a bit more on the photographer.

    Work out the things that matter to you and if you can afford it, go for it - it's your day to be a princess and you won't regret it at all!

    Hope you all have wonderful wedding days.

  • MRCJMRCJ Posts: 225
    sandrews82. No idea. I don't think it really matters.

    If the average budget is £22k and includes honeymoon and engagement rings, ours is substantially above that.

    However, there are some people who have budgets of £10k but have THE most amazing photographer that costs £4k and then make, borrow, beg and steal the rest i.e. have a dress made, do their own flowers, have it catered by friends etc. I would consider a £4k photographer big budget.

    I like to think of "Big Budget Brides" as someone who has a LITTLE bit of big budget. Even if its shoes or photographer.
  • Have to say that I don't really understand the including of the engagement ring in the wedding budget... especially as I have no idea what he spent on it!

    Ours is definately big budget in some things but not others as we're using friends as much as possible (not really to keep costs down but more for a "personal touch"). Luckily our friends include an amazing photographer and a guy that makes the yummiest cakes I've ever tasted! We're also not spending on cars etc as the ceremony and reception are in the same venue... All this means that I can spend loads on my dress and kit out my 4 bridesmaids with great dresses, shoes, hair and makeup etc!!

    Loving planning but am starting to feel guilty about how much things will costs... Oh well, only going to do this once!

  • NowMrsB2012NowMrsB2012 Posts: 4,835
    As my dad said to me when i was panicking over how much we were actually looking to spend- we are only going to do this once and it will be the best day of our lives.
  • MissM2mrsBMissM2mrsB Posts: 448
    I'm spending nearly £9000 on 80 day guests and 130 evening guests so I think that is quite a lot of money just for the venue and food & drink. If I include engagement ring and honeymoon I'm approaching the £22k average...I don't beleive it is the 'average' though I believe that most brides spend less than that. I don't know how they work out this mythical average!
  • NowMrsMaggsNowMrsMaggs Posts: 1,823
    I agree - we are spending about £20k, and I don't know anyone who spent anywhere near this amount. Maybe I need to get new friends!! image
  • SpecialSundaeSpecialSundae Posts: 3,029
    I'm a little hooked on Mark Niemierko's blog and he considers £50k mid-range. I think there are an awful lot of people spending tens of thousands of pounds on their wedding, but they usually won't be talking about it on these forums.

    Our budget (not including freebies, a lot of the DIY stuff we're doing or the engagement ring, which was an heirloom) is around £27k and we're not going absolutely crazy on anything as far as I'm concerned. The main things that bump up our budget is that we're having our outfits custom-made (so they're wearable again) and we're not excluding anyone in our families (which means day list is around 150 and evening 250+).
  • MissM2mrsBMissM2mrsB Posts: 448
    Yeah you could be right about that SS. The kind of people spending ££££s probably have wedding planners and no real need for forums and the like.

    I was looking at a wedding in Brides the other day that probably cost seriously big money but it lacked any personal details; there were huge enormous floral displays and while it was impressive there was nothing that made me go ahhhhh. Spend your money wisely whatever your budget and no-one can say it;s a waste.
  • Thank the Lord for this forum! I was just sitting here fretting over our budget, which has gone up and up and now stands at about 25K not including engagement ring or honeymoon, and thinking we could buy another property, save for future children's uni fees etc... etc... but you have made feel so much better and so much less guilty. Just hope the day is perfect now!
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