Parents contributing

Hello lovely ladies image

I was just wondering how much people's parents contributed and at what stage they said they would?

We have always assumed that we'd be paying for it all ourselves and have planned as such. Yesterday my Dad asked me how much our total was as he'd like to pay as much of it as he could. I was totally gobsmacked!

My Dad isn't well off by a long shot but he says that he has been doing his sums and that he can make a large contribution, possibly for the full amount. He will let us know exactly how much soon.

I just can't believe it, it will be amazing to have any amount added to our pot as we have spent every penny of our savings on the wedding and have nothing left for emergencies.

We have at this stage booked and paid for pretty much everything, so we really weren't expecting this kind of offer at this point.

Posts

  • Lisa - brideLisa - bride Posts: 377

    When we told our parents we were getting married, we assumed we'd be paying it all. Fairly early on my parents said that of course they would contribute, but it went very quiet for a while after that.  As we started sorting out our budget we still hadnt heard anything so just planned it for us paying everything. Then my mum said that they'd contribute £X amount and that she'd also like to pay for my dress. She has said that they'll pass on the money whenever we are ready for it. We are so unbelievably grateful for it, and we couldn't have the wedding we are without them.

     

  • gill1980gill1980 Posts: 44

    Ah, that is really nice of them.

    I think less and less couples these days expect their parents to pay, so it comes as a real surprise when they offer. A much appreciated surprise! image

  • LivelifeloveLivelifelove Posts: 1,024 New bride

    How much you spend on your wedding is very personal and not something I want either of our parents being involved in but that's because I'm really funny (as in, protective/do not discuss it with anyone) about money.

    My Mum has made it clear that she won't be contributing. H2B's parents have said they want to know how much it's costing so they can decide how much to contribute but personally, I do not want them knowing how much it's costing so we have said thank you very much but we have decided to spend what we are spending on the day but if they would like to contribute towards the wedding that would be gratefully received.

    I think it depends on your financial situation in comparison to your parents. H2B and I earn more than both sets of parents and have our own home and a rental house. I would feel bad taking money off them and I wouldn't want them worrying and/or feeling obligated. For that reason I've gone out of my way to say we're paying for everything, we do not expect a penny etc.

    What I would say is that H2B's parents think weddings cost A LOT LESS than they really do. They are expecting the wedding to cost £5k! I would just check with your Dad how much he thinks it's costing/how much he can afford so he's not going to break the bank either. However, it's so nice of him to say he'd like to pay for it all - !! xxx

  • I knew before i was engaged that my parents would want to contribute to the wedding, my sister got married and they did for her and made it clear that they would do the same for me. That said, we booked the wedding we wanted, and made sure that we could afford it if my parents circumstances changed etc, and i didnt want them to feel under any pressure whatsoever.

    My parents put in just under half, H2B and i paid half and H2B's parents very generously gave us some money to make up my parents half.

    Its a very personal thing though and only one you can judge re. your parents - i prefer not to talk about actual sums, as i find it either incites jealousy or one-upmanship where weddings and money are concerned and i hate that sort of thing.

    As long as your Dad is aware of the actual cost (as said already, some people seem to think weddings dont cost much these days! ) then just appreciate his lovely gesture!image

  • LivelifeloveLivelifelove Posts: 1,024 New bride

    Agree with MrsBeau2B" re what talking about money does to people. I wouldn't dream of telling anyone what the "budget" was and I wouldn't want anyone sat on the day knowing what it's cost. I think every family is different - there is a big difference in my family in terms of money/earnings and I just never mention money to anyone. I feel awkward telling people where we're going on honeymoon never mind anything else!

  • MrsBeau2BMrsBeau2B Posts: 1,513

    I feel the same Pinkstars  -as soon as i tell people most then ask how much the honeymoon is costing! I just swerve it now as i got a bit fed up of people then telling me what else we could do with that sort of money image

  • LivelifeloveLivelifelove Posts: 1,024 New bride

    I've found it suprising how people discuss wedding budgets but no one would dream of asking "how much do you earn?". To me, both are equally as personal.

  • gill1980gill1980 Posts: 44

    I'm very open about money, especially with my Dad - always have been. He knows that the total cost is £5k so there won't be any shocks for him. I made it clear that we don't expect anything at all but that anything he does give is gratefully received.

    He isn't wealthy but he has just inherited a bit of money so I think he plans on using some of that. He's careful with his handling of money so I'm confident that he wouldn't offer if he couldn't afford it.

    I'm not at all private about money, it doesn't bother me at all when people ask me how much I earn or what the wedding is costing. I don't tend to ask others as I know other people can be uncomfortable about it, but it doesn't bother me at all.

  • TadpoleTadpole Posts: 2,134 New bride

    We were quite lucky in that we didn't need to have any awkward conversations! OH's brothers got married last year and my folks had asked at the time how much his parents were contributing (sounds nosy when put like that but it was conversational) so his parents have given us tha same as his bro got and my parents are giving us far same and I am managing to budget. Rationale for this whole thing being that my OH has a huge family (about 130+) coming so his parents wanted to contribute for that reason and my parents are pretty traditional. However I will be spending their cash on the venue, caterer and my dress. i have chosen to have 3 BMs so will be paying for them and I have decided I want a videographer so OH and I shall pay for that. It's a very difficult subject though xx

  • Amy StuartAmy Stuart Posts: 21

    I guess it depends on how much parents can afford. In my case we counted all costs and divided it between me and my parents and my H2B and his parents. My parents give the majority of money. I will only pay for my makeup and hair. As far as my H2B is concerned, he will have to provide the majority of money as his parents simply can't afford.

  • My only piece of advice is if you can get married without any money from anybody, do it. It causes more hassle than it is worth. people will feel ownership of your day if they have paid towards it. 

    Or even worse, will beat you with the fact they've contributed further down the line. 

  • JJ2013JJ2013 Posts: 628

    My parents are paying for about 75% of the wedding, like others have said they are very traditional and see it as them hosting their only daughters' wedding, Luckily we've been allowed to do as we wish with the money, but it did mean that we gave them much more consideration when it came to the guestlist. But to me, the guest list is a cultural thing- they come from a background where you have very big (guest numbers not budget) weddings and invite all your friends.

    OH's Mum has offered nothing, and she's very comfortable financially. I'd never expect or ask for the money, but it does mean that we've not given her lots of slots for the guest list, but that's also because she threatened to invite some ex colleagues to 'make the numbers up' and niether of us felt like our wedding was the type of event to try to fill the seats!

    If someone does offer money, definitely ask them what they had in mind. We discussed an overall figure with my parents and over time we've paid about 10% of the overall budget in deposits, plus about 5% in sundries- OH suit, wedding favours etc. We also paid for the rings and honeymoon ourselves.

    In terms of practicalities, I've just sent all the bills to my parents image wasn't sure how else to do it! We talked about a joint wedding account but it never happened.

  • gill1980gill1980 Posts: 44

    I'm very fortunate in that my Dad is the most laid back person ever, he'd never try to tell us what to do or who to invite etc. Plus as it's already organised now it'd be too late anyway!

    I really don't know how some people cope with their families interfering, they must have a lot of patience!

  • NadineRyanNadineRyan Posts: 24

    My Father contributed to 50% as long as we strictly stuck to the planned budget- something he always brought me up well on! I never expected this as he'd never mentioned it before. Thankfully for him I am the only daughter.. image 

  • LeaBLeaB Posts: 1,706

    We had planned to have enough money to pay for the wedding ourselves, even though I knew my parents would contribute. They have since mentioned that they will pay for my dress and for the food and drink at the wedding. We are not expecting any money off h2b mum as she is on her own and his dad isn't invited. So that means we will have over £2.5k left over which will pay for the honeymoon.

  • gill1980gill1980 Posts: 44

    fantastic! great that you'll have money for the honeymoon Lea_B  image

    o0ur wedding is abroad so the honeymoon is sort of incorporated into it. Our guests are leaving after 5 days and we're staying on for another 9 days by ourselves.

  • LeaBLeaB Posts: 1,706

    our wedding is abroad too but the whole week is with family so definetely not classing that as honeymoon! h2b is a teacher so only gets the week half term off when the wedding is, so hoping for a 3 week break in the summer hols

  • gill1980gill1980 Posts: 44

    yes, definitely doesn't count as honeymoon with parents there!!

    I was so glad when the hotel emailed to say that have upgraded our room - I was worried they'd put us next door to our families and I certainly don't want to risk them hearing anything on the wedding night!!

  • LeaBLeaB Posts: 1,706

    lol, because we have our hotel exclusively I got to say what room people stayed in, we obviously have the suite, which is away from everyone elses room!

  • Mrs to beMrs to be Posts: 136

    When I announced my engaged my parents said straight away they was paying for everything, we have paid for the honeymoon and little bits but my parents have paid for the majority of it, I am blessed

  • TheSarahTheSarah Posts: 2

    We're paying for everything ourselves which has made it a lot easier to say no to our parents in regards to certain things! Makes me feel less guilty for how much we're spending too

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