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Bit awkward but how much money do you expect of your guests as present?

hi there...

i know its an odd topic and strange thing to think about it, but hopefully i am not the only one thinking of this! We are planning a familymoon rather than a money moon and want to take our 4 kids on a 10 day california road trip.... considering the amount of people we are it will cost us a fair bit of money so i started thinking how much money guests usually give as presents?!

i normally give £100 from us as a couple but as you normally dont talk about these things i dont know if that is the going rate?!?!

we will go away anyway but if i had a rough idea what to 'expect' i could maybe plan a few extras like disney LA which is £1000 itself...

hope its not just me being selfish thinking about this?!

obviously i wont hold it against anybody if they just turn up without a present or something material... just to say that !

thank you

Posts

  • SammykateSammykate Posts: 4,014 New bride

    I honestly think you can't predict this. We give around £50 as a couple and I thought that was about standard. However from our guests we recieved everything from £0 to an amazingly generous £300. Overall guests were more generous than I expected- I suppose all I really expected of them was to turn up, but I know personally I wouldn't attend a wedding without giving a gift of some kind!

    What also surprised me was that we had several gifts from people not even invited- my mums friend, hubbys friends family, my sisters friend etc. So unexpected and lovely.

  • Sarah1609Sarah1609 Posts: 80

    Thank you @sammykate

  • SadieeeSadieee Posts: 1,781 New bride

    It's hard to judge, and I also understand why you are asking, we will be using any cash gift towards a honeymoon and while I really dont mind if someone gives us nothing (95% of our guests are travelling over 250 miles for our wedding so thats good enough), it could make a big difference on what we do for our honeymoon. I know my sister in the end recieved around £1500 in a mix of cash, cheques and vouchers, they had around 100 guests

  • SadieeeSadieee Posts: 1,781 New bride

    That poll pretty much shows how much I usually give in those situations

  • HailsHails Posts: 2,455

    I really don't think you can predict. If you're that dependent on people giving you money as a gift it's better not to book anything in advance 

  • lubeslubes Posts: 1,555

    Hi Sarah,

    I totally get why you find this an awkward question, but I think it's reasonable to ask in the context!

    To put a different angle on it, especially when you say that you'd book Disney if you knew what to expect for example...We booked the Maldives and Dubai for our honeymoon last year and asked for contributions from our guests if they wished to gift it. We also upgraded our room in the Maldives to one that was (realistically) a bit too pricey 😂 Naughty us!

    However, the way we both saw this was that it was a once in a lifetime trip that would be completely out of our price range was it not for our guests contributing towards it. To be honest, it didn't matter if we got £100 or the full whack, it still made the trip cheaper for us so therefore why not take advantage of that? We will never get paid essentially to go on holiday again! What I'm saying is that you should book the honeymoon you want and see whatever your guests gift as a bonus. That's not to say be irresponsible and book something you can't afford, but we accepted that whatever was left over we would deal with - the sacrifice of meals out, getting my nails done or going shopping was/is still worth it for the amazing memories we made on honeymoon which I personally feel you can't put a price on.

    For what it's worth, we give £50 generally when invited all day to a wedding. In terms of our wedding, we got about half of our honeymoon cost. I honestly wouldn't put too much thought into it - you can't predict it so book what you want and enjoy any money you do get! x

  • Lucy266Lucy266 Posts: 176

    We got ranges from £20 to £500!! I think somewhere between 40 and seventy quid is fairly standard for friends, maybe more from close family. 

  • Lauren147Lauren147 Posts: 185

    Also I would bear in mind, if you have an honeymoon gift list. you get this after you would have paid for your honeymoon. Unless people are giving cash gifts rather than using a website you will be better off. My advice would be act as if you don't have it then its great if you do, 


    If you want an example, I'm happy sharing that we were given round a very generous £1300 from 80 day guest and 30 additional evening guests. and like one of the ladies said above we were given over £100 from my husbands aunt who he hasn't seen since he was about 5 were as others gave us £10. We were grateful for both and really its just lovely we could share the day with them :) 

  • Mrs17Mrs17 Posts: 876 New bride

    This is a really tricky one. We were given amounts varying between £20 and £500!! I am happy to say that when we attend a wedding we usually give £50, and I think this was the 'standard' amount we had in cards that contained money. 

    We were always going to book the honeymoon after the wedding, and knew how much it would cost in advance. We were hopeful that we might have something to put toward it, but we were prepared to stick some of it on credit card if necessary (if you can't do it for honeymoon, when can you?!). We've been incredibly lucky and had the full cost met by gifts from guest, which was a little overwhelming! 

  • Sarah1609Sarah1609 Posts: 80

    Thank you guys,

    really appreciate your honest opinions! I'm not depending on the gifts as it is optional anyway, but i do think about how much i can/want to afford for a 10 day holiday to be honest.

    As i am from abroad and haven't been to many uk weddings i just wasn't sure what the 'standart' is... but i guess its somewhere between £20-£100 depending how close we are to the guest... at least thats what the poll says ...

    not that that helps me much but it does give me a rough idea at least...

    thank you

  • MrsRendall2BMrsRendall2B Posts: 749 New bride

    Maybe reconsider your plans if you're potentially relying on gifts so much? A ten day trip for 6 people to California (including a road trip) is an incredibly expensive option. Could you not have a great holiday somewhere cheaper where you wouldn't be worrying about how much it cost? Not sure how old your kids are but the thought of taking kids on a such a long journey/road trip would be daunting as hell for me. 

  • MrsNH17MrsNH17 Posts: 645 New bride

    We got very varying amounts - quite a few couples gave us £25 from the two of them others gave between £50 and £75. Family members were generous with gifts more like £100+ from couples. Older friends were also more generous.

    we give between £50 - £100 as a couple. The lower end tends to be if we've had to pay for travel and accommodation. The higher end if we haven't really had much in the way of additional cost or we are closer to the couple. I also gift if I get invited but don't / can't attend. We had a few people who couldn't attend ours and yet gifted very generously which I was really shocked and touched by.

    we also had a couple of no card and no gift attendees.

    x

  • Dora3Dora3 Posts: 1,218

    as a couple myself and hubby have given £100 to my sister and best friend. My guests had to pay for travel and accommodation so we asked for a very small money contribution towards our wedding album, which cost £300. We ended up with £1300! With only 27 guests. To be fair my in laws gave us £500 towards a honeymoon though. Most people gave £25-£100. My friend that I gave £100 to got me material gifts which were so personal and I really love! 

    My words of advice would be don't expect it. Plan what you can afford and add the extra treats, like Disney, when you know you've got the money. 

  • MissDizzleMissDizzle Posts: 56 New bride

    We are getting married abroad and therefore Don't expect a gift at all. 

    I have heard that it's traditional to give a gift of the monetary value of the wedding breakfast for meal. For example if your venue was £50 per head then £50 was the expected montary value of the gift. Not sure how much people stick to that though? As I dont  how a guest would know that. 

    We are invited to 5 weddings this year, we won't be giving that much as a gift, with gifts, travel, outfits, accommodation and our own wedding to pay for it's going to be an expensive year!!! 

  • We're going to have a family moon too if we get any money. We're just gonna see what happens & book afterwards when we know our budget. I'd say we usually give £50 as a couple when we go to a wedding, couldn't really afford to give more than that. When I've been to a night do only I've given less 

  • Becky33Becky33 Posts: 79

    this partly why we chose to have our honeymoon well after the wedding - gives us chance to save up and also see where we are in terms of gifts.  Also we're getting married in August and I refuse to pay august holiday prices!

  • Kate-10Kate-10 Posts: 52

    The polls pretty accurate in my opinion, but  obviously tak into account the personal situation of your guests- for example my moh has just had a baby and is on maternity allowance (I'm not expecting £50) but our best mans wife comes from money and they're giving us £200 (I know the amount as he's paying for our wedding night hotel). 

     

    In my 18 months of planning this thing the main thing I've learned is that people are willing to give more if they know what they're giving to - for example a friend of the family has given us £300+ for our cheese cake at the wedding; my grans covering the band and my shoes (£1000+) this meant we can save f our honeymoon and also pay for a house. The easiest way to do this for a honeymoon is through patchworkit.com they do take commissio for money presents but not for other presents so for example you could say 'one night in this hotel' or 'four tickets to Disney' and the guests can book it for you. To put a cheaper price bracket perhaps 'babysitter' or 'bottle of wine, kids drinks and fish and chip dinners'....

     

  • Kate-10Kate-10 Posts: 52
    MissDizzle wrote (see post)

    I have heard that it's traditional to give a gift of the monetary value of the wedding breakfast for meal. For example if your venue was £50 per head then £50 was the expected montary value of the gift. Not sure how much people stick to that though? As I dont  how a guest would know that. 

    Sorry this reminds me of that letter that went viral of the really bitchy bride returning a couples cheque gift because it didn't nearly cover their wedding food or beverages 

     

  • MissDizzleMissDizzle Posts: 56 New bride
    Kate-10 wrote (see post):
    MissDizzle wrote (see post)

    I have heard that it's traditional to give a gift of the monetary value of the wedding breakfast for meal. For example if your venue was £50 per head then £50 was the expected montary value of the gift. Not sure how much people stick to that though? As I dont  how a guest would know that. 

    Sorry this reminds me of that letter that went viral of the really bitchy bride returning a couples cheque gift because it didn't nearly cover their wedding food or beverages 

     

    Oh god really?!?! that's terrible. im not saying that's how much I'd expect, (I don't expect to receive a gift at all actually due to us marrying abroad) just how I usually asses how much to give as a gift. 

  • Kate-10Kate-10 Posts: 52

    Sorry I didn't mean to imply that's what I thought you meant!!! It was just a ridiculous story about a year ago the bride sounded like she thought she was so right to reply and ask for more money and then it blew up in her face....

  • Sarah1609Sarah1609 Posts: 80

    Hi guys

    thank you for all your replys.... we cant wait to book ou family moon for later in the year as my husbands job only allows him to book two blocks of days off in a year.september is his last one so we will go straight after the wedding...

    all our friends are local, apart from 2 couple from abroad and parents from new zealand... they will all be invited for the full day with open bar....

    i think we just book what we can afford now and add any money given, if at all, to our spending money.... our kids are all well travelled and would love a road trip in california.... but it stays a surprise till the wedding :-)

  • MissSMissS Posts: 267 New bride

    I've had a couple of aboard weddings where I don't give anything- just a card.. one skiing and one in India which were both amazing but expensive- I think if you have an aboard wedding you cant really expect cash either- for UK weddings as a couple we give between £50-£70- my parents in law have said there family will want to give us presents instead of money- but as were moving aboard next year I don't really see the point!

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