just need a bit of a vent to be honest.
so, i suffer with depression. i think i'm ok at the moment (who doesn't have bad days!) but when i'm low before i realise i'm low i shop. i'm currently battling to pay off my credit cards, save for the wedding and live my life!
my oh earns very good money and i earn good money. i'm finding it hard to live our usual lifestyle of going out for dinner and drinks etc and it's getting me down. i know that i need to stop going out so much and so does my oh (and he pays for A LOT so we can still do stuff together) but it's really a strain continually saying "no, i can't afford it" and i feel bad when he says that he'll pay for more stuff. we end up rowing about it when i end up skint again and he says that i should've said no - but it's not that easy when you feel a bit badgered!
we're going on holiday next month with his family and have another trip booked early next year - both before the wedding abroad next june - which is stressful but too late as i'm in that situation now,. i'd told him that i couldn't afford a holiday this year but we were at his parent's and his dad came and got the ipad and we ended up booking a "cheap" get away to spain.....it would've been ridiculously rude to have really kicked up a fuss and said no but in hindsight maybe i should've done. but when the total villa was £600 for 5 of us and the flights were £80each it didn't seem that bad......until there's then the hire car on top at £120 each plus spending money for 10 days.
my job is pretty stressful and i can pick up overtime but i find that when i do my mental health suffers and it's definitely not worth that.
anyway, i know i just need to knuckle down and get through it and it will all be ok. just had a tough day today and needed to get it out!