Parents wedding contributions

Hi

I was just wondering if anyone had been in a similar situation to this and what you did.

So we started planning our wedding in January 2017. My parents said they would pay for half our venue costs and our band which was great and we planned to pay for the rest ourselves.

Earlier this year my OH’s Mum said she was putting some money aside for us and would give it to us nearer the wedding and we could use it for what we wanted. I said amazing thank you etc.

I knew it wouldn’t be a massive amount as they are not well off and his brother got married in September for the second time and I know they paid for his hog roast for him but any contributions would be massively welcome.

We are now a month away and she’s not mentioned the money again. I really don’t feel I can ask her about it as that seems really rude and any contribution they make is just a lovely bonus but I Can’t help wondering about it as I feel bad for my OH if they decide not to help us out but have helped his brother out with 2 weddings.

Has anyone been in a similar situation and did you bother doing anything about it?

Thanks 

Posts

  • Was funnily enough talking to a customer about this earlier who was in a similar situation as your in laws and felt terrible he just couldn't afford to contribute to his daughters wedding. I think gone are the days where parents fully fund weddings and the expectations are so massive it can put tremendous pressure on Parents. We self funded ours (my mum bought all the dresses and my OH mum paid for a deposit on the bridesmaid car.) Neither was originally offered but took a burden off slightly.

    I just think you should continue doing what your doing, I wouldnt mention it and if something comes at the end, its a lovely surprise if not I wouldnt get too hung up on it. You said they are not that well off and unfortunately people in that situation tend to have slightly more at certain times. Without knowing the family, Christmas for example could of wiped them out. Your parents contribution sounds lovely. I wouldnt let it cloud your final days of wedding planning 

    X

  • MrsCToBeeMrsCToBee Posts: 2,201 New bride

    I would just get your OH to ask fairly casually if they are still able to help. It's not really up to you to ask.

  • I would leave it be and continue to plan as if the money weren't coming. My guess is she is well aware that she made the offer, and is now equally well aware that she can't follow through. For whatever reason her circumstances have changed, they have. Asking for the money will only make her feel worse about it.

    If by some chance the money does turn up, awesome...you can add something to the plan that you had originally omitted.

  • Yeah i agree with what everyones said tbh. I had a similar situation, albeit on a smaller scale with my first wedding dress (yeah i ended up with 2) my mum said she would pay for it, and months passed and nothing more was ever said and i paid for it myself, i didnt bring it up because i knew if she was still in a position where she could then she would, so it must just mean she cant anymore. 

    I know it sucks, but at least if you do get anything back then its just a pleasant surprise. 

  • Tamera wrote (see post):

    Asked her to go with you on purchasing and tell that you required this money to pay for it. 

    I would suggest you don't do this as this is putting her under horrible pressure and would really upset her, especially if they don't now have the money to help you.

    I would personally not say anything and see what happens. Don't bank on the money and if it's forthcoming, great, if not then you've not lost anything.

  • Tamera wrote (see post):

    I think that the best way to check if everything go well is ti ask about something they said will pay. Asked her to go with you on purchasing and tell that you required this money to pay for it. And you will understand if she is ready to help you or said you to pay for yourself. Also. have talk to your fiance and maybe he remind mother about her help. 
    Don't worry, it's life and don't be afraid to talk and ask person. ))) Good luck!

     

    Def not good advice.  "Don't worry, it's life" - seriously?? Yes, this IS life and you are potentially going to have to interact with your MIL for the rest of yours! It's not worth hurting her feelings and embarrassing her over some money she pretty clearly no longer has to offer!  This is a wedding, and beyond the bride, groom, and officiant, everything else is OPTIONAL.  What you can't afford to have is not life or death, and certainly not worth potentially humiliating someone over.

     

  • TiaMariaTiaMaria Posts: 120

    I would absolutely not take the advice Tamera has given. Finances can be a tricky conversation and your future MIL may well be embarrassed that she can’t help out any more. I would perhaps just let it be and if she does indicate  can help at a later date then that’s a lovely bonus! 

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