Cancelling wedding for a cheaper one

JonesToBeJonesToBe Posts: 4 New bride
edited 12 June in The wedding budget
I'm wondering if anyone has done this or thought about doing it?

We started planning a wedding, however as time has gone on and things have cost a bit more than we expected, we're now looking at a wedding that's costing 16-17k without the honeymoon or wedding rings. 
Although we are likely to be able to pay for this, it'll be a bit tight. Also this is money we could put aside for a house deposit. 

We have some things booked: venue, registrar, caterer and photographer. We figured we'd still have the same photographer, but it would still amount to 1.1k lost in deposits.

I've looked at how we could cut back , but as the venue and catering and the two biggest costs, there's not much we can save. Just don't know if we'd be doing the right thing by cancelling what we have and doing it cheaper e.g. Registry office and pub. 

Posts

  • CoffeeDogAddictCoffeeDogAddict Posts: 1,203 New bride
    This is one of those things where i don't think there's ever really an easy answer, its just about weighing up the pros and cons for you. 

    I have thought about it, initially quite a lot, i was adamant i wanted to basically restart the planning, but as time has passed i've just adjusted to it all. 

    Its so hard when the venue and catering are the biggest costs, because as you say you are sort of tied to spending a base amount, which if its anything like our situation its a good 50% of the total cost and there isn't a whole lot you can do about it. 

    Personally, i'd weight up each side of it. Do you think you'd miss out on anything by changing the type of day? Would anyone have to miss out by changing it? What feels more exciting when you think about it? Although it sucks to lose £1,100, is that preferable to having to spend an additional £5,000 (making that number up lol), because if you think about it that way if you go ahead with the current plans that might put you under more financial strain, you're actually still losing the money that way too. You either lose £1,100 to save £Xamount or you just spend £Xamount in total. 

    Its no easy decision but i do think you need to do whats best for you both. While its an important day, its still just a day and there are many many days after it that you need to be financially sound for. 

    For what its worth - the only reason we decided against it was because we already have a house so had a sort of "fuck it" moment and we would lose closer to £5,000 which makes it all redundant trying to cut back to save. 
  • MrsCToBeeMrsCToBee Posts: 2,913 New bride
    You have to weigh up if you think it will be worth losing the £1k to save several more thousand. Only you can decide that.

    We decided off the bat that 9k was our top end budget which did massively restrict our venue choices, we are getting married in a pub which is an old Kentish barn but otherwise it was really only cheaper hotels or the registry office we could afford in our budget.

    Have you tried approaching your venue to see if you could transfer your date to a less popular weekday or winter date with less guests to see if you can cut costs that way?

    Also bear in mind you can do without lots of things - hired cars, matching hired suits, expensive cakes etc are not necessary. We've bought a £70 M&S cake and we have just bought matching ties and pocket squares for all the best men and dads and they are wearing their own suits. Doing your own flowers can also be a massive saving, I'm doing ours for £200 or less.

    Have another look through your budget and split it into things that are essential, things you'd like to have but aren't essential and things you don't care about and go from there :)
  • JonesToBeJonesToBe Posts: 4 New bride
    Thank you both, it's so much to decide and think about. 

    @CoffeeDogAddict We're both going a bit back and forth with it. I do feel like if we already had a house we would be more willing to be like "fuck it". We talked about postponing, but I think once you do that, the right opportunity might not come up and before you know it, it's been 10 years. You are right about there being many more days! 

    In terms of missing anything, I think as long as we get married, the people we love are there and fed at some point in the day, then it's a success. It's just difficult because we do love the venue. 

    @MrsCToBee we're trying to cut down on the other costs. For example our budgeted flower cost was already only £250 so changed that to fake flowers to save some money. Bits and pieces like that. We're only having one small cake with the rest being doughnuts, instead of an expensive cake. Having taxis instead of hired cars etc. 

    We did look at changing the date, but that doesn't save as much as we thought! You're right about the guests. This is a big one that I feel very conflicted about. We could in theory cut the number of guests in half from 60 to 30, but I feel like we'd be cutting some important people in our lives out of the wedding. 

    I think we just need to make a decision at stick to it. But you're both right, it's not an easy one :neutral:
  • CoffeeDogAddictCoffeeDogAddict Posts: 1,203 New bride
    I really feel for you, its so so hard to do. 
    I know this doesn't help at all, but we decided if we were going to go over budget on anything it would be guest count (and therefore food and drink) because a wedding is about the people you celebrate with. Everyone i've spoken to who is already married has said their main regret was the guest list, and not inviting who they really wanted there either due to politics or cost cutting. 

    I do agree postponing can be a vicious cycle, but maybe even 6 months might help you save up a bit more, and if you still have the date in the diary then you at least know it isn't a case of "eventually". 
  • MrsRendall2BMrsRendall2B Posts: 749 New bride
    As others have said, it's definitely a tough one.

    If your main reason for wanting to change plans is to save for a house deposit, I'd be tempted just to stick with your plans. You have the rest of your lives to buy a house, you're only going to have your wedding day once (hopefully!). We're in a similar situation as we're renting and ultimately could've gone one of three ways: wedding, baby or house. We decided to be unashamedly selfish and do the wedding first because we'd already been engaged over 2 years when we booked our venue and I just knew that if we kept pushing it back and pushing it back that we'd be one of the couples that just stays engaged forever. Not that there's anything wrong with that but marriage is important to both of us and so that's what we prioritised. If anything, doing the wedding first has shown to both of us that actually we are capable of saving a pretty good amount of money in a relatively short space of time when we really want to so this has given me more hope when it comes to saving for a house deposit. 

    If you were thinking of cancelling the big wedding because you genuinely didn't want it then I'd say go ahead. But if it's just to save for a house, that can wait in my opinion. 

    As MrsC said, there's lots of areas where you can cut corners and a lot of things you don't actually need at a wedding, even if 'everyone else' is doing them. If you can cut your guest numbers even slightly, that would help but obviously don't do that at the expense of not having people there that are really important to you. Is there any way you could earn some extra cash on the side which could be dedicated to wedding savings? Or have you tried one of those savings apps like Plum? I just started with Plum and it just takes a little out of my account as and when (there's lots of techy algorithms behind it, so it doesn't take anything you can't afford!) and I've found that really useful.
  • MrsCToBeeMrsCToBee Posts: 2,913 New bride
    There are lots of things to consider;

    Can you save the amount you need easily in the time you have?

    Are any family making contributions?

    Once you are married will you be wanting to try for children any time soon, as kids really limit your ability to save a house deposit (believe me, I have one!)? This may depend on your age.

     How long would it take you to save £17k/the total you need for a house deposit again?

    Postponing is pointless if you are just going to spend the same amount of money anyway. What's your venue, out of interest?

    Remember - you'll be just as married in you spend £170 or £17k, the rest is all just window dressing.


  • JonesToBeJonesToBe Posts: 4 New bride
    @CoffeeDogAddict I think postponing for 6 months could be an option. That would put it back to October and I did always want an autumn wedding! (partner wanted a summer). 

    @MrsRendall2B I'm with you there about how saving for the wedding makes it seem more plausible to save for a deposit! I'm quite surprised how much we have managed to save in 6 months already!

    The main driver for the house is so that we can start trying for a baby. Although there's technically nothing stopping us now, we live in London so the flat is high cost and not so much space! 

    I'll have a look into Plum, thank you!

    @MrsCToBee Wencould save it, but it wouldn't be easy. We've cut back on a few things like breaks away, dinners out. But our life hasn't been that affeced I think. My parents are buying my dress, we're funding the rest.

    You've hit the nail on the head with children. We want a house before we start trying, and we want to start trying within 4-5 years.

    Your last point is essentially running through my head constantly. Especially this week since I've been stressed about the money. The venue is Wadhurst Castle. It's a lovely venue.

    Thanks everyone for your advice and points to consider. Will let you know what we decide. I think we're going to try and view Wadhurst Castle again and see a couple of alternatives before making the decision. 
  • MrsCToBeeMrsCToBee Posts: 2,913 New bride
    JonesToBe said:
    @CoffeeDogAddict I think postponing for 6 months could be an option. That would put it back to October and I did always want an autumn wedding! (partner wanted a summer). 

    @MrsRendall2B I'm with you there about how saving for the wedding makes it seem more plausible to save for a deposit! I'm quite surprised how much we have managed to save in 6 months already!

    The main driver for the house is so that we can start trying for a baby. Although there's technically nothing stopping us now, we live in London so the flat is high cost and not so much space! 

    I'll have a look into Plum, thank you!

    @MrsCToBee Wencould save it, but it wouldn't be easy. We've cut back on a few things like breaks away, dinners out. But our life hasn't been that affeced I think. My parents are buying my dress, we're funding the rest.

    You've hit the nail on the head with children. We want a house before we start trying, and we want to start trying within 4-5 years.

    Your last point is essentially running through my head constantly. Especially this week since I've been stressed about the money. The venue is Wadhurst Castle. It's a lovely venue.

    Thanks everyone for your advice and points to consider. Will let you know what we decide. I think we're going to try and view Wadhurst Castle again and see a couple of alternatives before making the decision. 
    OK well I live in Tunbridge Wells so know Wadhurst Castle!
     I know when I was looking at venues I looked at Wadhurst Castle and I'm sure they have an option where you just rent it for a few hours to get married then have your reception elsewhere? Would this be an option?

    Please feel free to PM me if you want lists of local more budget venues as we saw quite a few.
  • JonesToBeJonesToBe Posts: 4 New bride
    MrsCToBee said:
    JonesToBe said:
    @CoffeeDogAddict I think postponing for 6 months could be an option. That would put it back to October and I did always want an autumn wedding! (partner wanted a summer). 

    @MrsRendall2B I'm with you there about how saving for the wedding makes it seem more plausible to save for a deposit! I'm quite surprised how much we have managed to save in 6 months already!

    The main driver for the house is so that we can start trying for a baby. Although there's technically nothing stopping us now, we live in London so the flat is high cost and not so much space! 

    I'll have a look into Plum, thank you!

    @MrsCToBee Wencould save it, but it wouldn't be easy. We've cut back on a few things like breaks away, dinners out. But our life hasn't been that affeced I think. My parents are buying my dress, we're funding the rest.

    You've hit the nail on the head with children. We want a house before we start trying, and we want to start trying within 4-5 years.

    Your last point is essentially running through my head constantly. Especially this week since I've been stressed about the money. The venue is Wadhurst Castle. It's a lovely venue.

    Thanks everyone for your advice and points to consider. Will let you know what we decide. I think we're going to try and view Wadhurst Castle again and see a couple of alternatives before making the decision. 
    OK well I live in Tunbridge Wells so know Wadhurst Castle!
     I know when I was looking at venues I looked at Wadhurst Castle and I'm sure they have an option where you just rent it for a few hours to get married then have your reception elsewhere? Would this be an option?

    Please feel free to PM me if you want lists of local more budget venues as we saw quite a few.
    They do! We had focussed more on the intimate weddings deal because we'd put down the money for a caterer but this is definitely something we could consider. They only do this Mon-Thurs so I can imagine quite a few of our guests might not be able to come because it'll be mid-week and far away, but I can always pose the question to a few of the people who live further out. 
  • MrsCToBeeMrsCToBee Posts: 2,913 New bride
    JonesToBe said:
    MrsCToBee said:
    JonesToBe said:
    @CoffeeDogAddict I think postponing for 6 months could be an option. That would put it back to October and I did always want an autumn wedding! (partner wanted a summer). 

    @MrsRendall2B I'm with you there about how saving for the wedding makes it seem more plausible to save for a deposit! I'm quite surprised how much we have managed to save in 6 months already!

    The main driver for the house is so that we can start trying for a baby. Although there's technically nothing stopping us now, we live in London so the flat is high cost and not so much space! 

    I'll have a look into Plum, thank you!

    @MrsCToBee Wencould save it, but it wouldn't be easy. We've cut back on a few things like breaks away, dinners out. But our life hasn't been that affeced I think. My parents are buying my dress, we're funding the rest.

    You've hit the nail on the head with children. We want a house before we start trying, and we want to start trying within 4-5 years.

    Your last point is essentially running through my head constantly. Especially this week since I've been stressed about the money. The venue is Wadhurst Castle. It's a lovely venue.

    Thanks everyone for your advice and points to consider. Will let you know what we decide. I think we're going to try and view Wadhurst Castle again and see a couple of alternatives before making the decision. 
    OK well I live in Tunbridge Wells so know Wadhurst Castle!
     I know when I was looking at venues I looked at Wadhurst Castle and I'm sure they have an option where you just rent it for a few hours to get married then have your reception elsewhere? Would this be an option?

    Please feel free to PM me if you want lists of local more budget venues as we saw quite a few.
    They do! We had focussed more on the intimate weddings deal because we'd put down the money for a caterer but this is definitely something we could consider. They only do this Mon-Thurs so I can imagine quite a few of our guests might not be able to come because it'll be mid-week and far away, but I can always pose the question to a few of the people who live further out. 
    You could always do the castle wedding then go to a pub or slightly more down to earth venue for the meal and evening reception.
    I would literally just check dates with the wedding party, parents and siblings. So many people work weekends now that I don't think weekday weddings are really a big deal.
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