Is it worth it?

sophieh99sophieh99 Posts: 2 New bride
edited August 2019 in The wedding budget
Hello everyone :)

Before I begin, I want to make clear that I know that I am in very very fortunate position to even have this decision to make, but I'd find peoples views on this very valuable.

I have always been a natural saver and am very fortunate to have a lot of personal savings (from before I met h2b, which is why I say they're 'my' savings rather than 'ours'). In total I have about £40K saved. Me and my h2b own our own home together with a relatively small mortgage so don't need to worry about saving for a deposit anymore. We will be paying for the whole wedding ourselves. 

Although we could afford to have a wedding at our dream venue, I'm still struggling with the decision. It has obviously taken many many years to build up that kind of cash and I am wanting to spend the majority on extending and renovating our home, and keeping some back for a rainy day. When I see the average cost of a wedding in the UK is reported to be everywhere between £17K-£30, I can't imagine blowing that kind of money for one day in my life. We only want a small wedding with about 20-30 people anyway. But of course, like all of us, I can get swept away with the whole "you only do it once" and you "deserve a special day" mentality sometimes.

So I suppose my question is, if we believe those average cost figures  - is the cost justified? Is it really worth it? It seems it's very normal to spend 10s of thousands on your wedding day. I just don't want to regret spending my savings, but I also don't want to wish that I'd done it differently and spent a little more to make it my "dream day". 

Posts

  • It being your dream day has, and should have, very little to do with how much it cost. Its about starting your lives together and spending time with the ones you love. The most expensive weddings ive been to were the most boring and they arent still together. I would never in a million years spend 40k on a wedding, even if i had that money to spend. Spend money where it matters to you both, don't get caught up in the 'i have to have that' pintrest wave. So the question is it worth it depends on how much *it* is. We spent around 10k, and we had our dream day. Literally wouldn't change a thing.
  • The average figures are swayed by the people that spend tens of thousands and they're probably based on estimates anyway. 

    If you're only having 20 or 30 people you should find it easier to keep costs down; it's food and drinks for guests that makes it expensive.

    I always said I'd never spend thousands on a wedding but when we actually started costing things we found it difficult keep costs down without cutting the guest list.

    Planning a wedding has confirmed what I always thought: you spend a fortune for everyone else to have a good time.

    There is a lot of reverse snobbery about weddings though so take it with a pinch of salt. I've been to cheaper and more expensive weddings and had a great time at both. People do judge and say you're less likely to stay together if you have an expensive wedding but I've never found that to be true.

    Just do what feels right for you, if you don't feel comfortable spending money on a wedding then don't, but don't feel bad if you do want to splash out a bit.

  • It being your dream day has, and should have, very little to do with how much it cost. Its about starting your lives together and spending time with the ones you love. The most expensive weddings ive been to were the most boring and they arent still together. I would never in a million years spend 40k on a wedding, even if i had that money to spend. Spend money where it matters to you both, don't get caught up in the 'i have to have that' pintrest wave. So the question is it worth it depends on how much *it* is. We spent around 10k, and we had our dream day. Literally wouldn't change a thing.
    Thank you, and I totally agree with the most important parts not having much to do with the costs. I really should have said that I definitely don’t plan on blowing the whole lot! If I were to have everything I wanted I’ve worked out that it would be about £16K, which still sounds like a hell of a lot to me. 

  • MrsCToBeeMrsCToBee Posts: 2,949 New bride
    I've been to lots of weddings, and enjoyed myself just as much at the £500 and  10 grand ones as the 40 grand ones, so my belief is no, it's not worth it if you have a better use for that money. It's basically a party. We have spent 9 grand and have had everything we wanted.
    Remember, just because you go on wedding forums and everyone seems to be having a photobooth, giant light up LOVE letters, a flip flop basket and a sweet table, it doesn't mean you need to have it unless you really want it. 
    As long as your guests are fed, watered, have a chair to sit on and some music to dance to, they will be happy and have a great time. 
  • I'm spending quite a lot on my wedding because the things I want and care about cost money. I wanted a beautiful stately home wedding and I wouldn't change it for the world. I've never had a "big" holiday in my life (I went to Greece once when I was 11 and had stay-cations ever since), I don't do big birthday parties etc. so I really wanted to go all out for my wedding day. I'm treating it as the very cliched "I want to be a princess for one day" and as a huge Disney fan absolutely none of my friends and family are surprised. How much you spend doesn't factor whether it's going to be a good wedding or not or whether the couple are going to last or not (no idea why people think expensive weddings lead to failed marriages), but likewise you get what you pay for so it depends on what you like/want and your standards for those things.

    I personally can't be bothered searching for hours for an amazing unbelievable bargain, although I know some people absolutely love doing this and that is super great for them, I'm probably missing out on some deals. I think you should decide what kind of wedding you want and how much you are willing to spend, if spending over £20,000 makes you wince then set a lower budget, but different kind of weddings incur different costs and, as others have said, wedding costs really do add up (especially when you want a medium-large wedding guest wise). 

    I personally think that if you want it and it means a lot to you then it's worth it, you only get this day once after all and you may as well make it everything you want it to be :) Good luck with everything xxx
  • MrsPB2019MrsPB2019 Posts: 818 New bride
    We spent around £8k on ours and now we’re expecting our first child I do think we spent too much money and could use that now but saying that we did have the cliche best day of our lives so I guess it was worth it.
  • CoffeeDogAddictCoffeeDogAddict Posts: 1,342 New bride
    edited August 2019
    I can only really echo what others have already said. I try to think of things in term of their value rather than their cost. I dont mind spending when i deem the value to be high to me personally, but it can help iron out whats you actually think matters. 

    For me, id never dream of spending even £30 on light up letters, but i have zero issues with spending £80 for someone to pick my dog up, bring her to the venue and then drop her home again, because to me that will have a significant impact on my enjoyment of the day and some lights wont. When we started planning we had a figure in mind, and once we got quotes in and looked at venues we decided based on the kind of day we really wanted we doubled it, and it still falls well under that average figure. 

    On a similar vein to this, whilst i haven't been to too many weddings, i was maid of honour twice and once it was a pretty enjoyable experience, i essentially only had to do the fun stuff and be supportive, the second time as the bride had cut costs wherever she could there was no coordinator for a dry hire venue, there was no catering staff to help clear up, no one to change the room around from the meal to the evening dancing, no one to help clear up glasses ect through the night, and no one top pack up the tables and chairs that the rental company were collecting at 11pm the same evening. This meant it fell on me (as sole bridal party) and her family, and of course we did everything we could to make her day go well it did mean we were under a huge amount of stress and spent the whole day and evening working for free, not getting to enjoy any of it. 

    I dont think its fair to cut costs for things that impact others in a large way, but i think as long as it will run well, everyone has food,water and a bit of booze you cant go far wrong. 
  • MrsCToBeeMrsCToBee Posts: 2,949 New bride
    I don't think cost has any bearing on whether a marriage lasts at all, that's silly, but really you can only decide a figure you are comfortable with yourself based on your own circumstances.

    Whether you spend £100 or £50k, you'll still be just as married at the end of it :)
  • To confirm I wasnt saying that cost impacts length of marriage, just that the 3 most expensive weddings ive been to were boring and they are no longer together. Just my experience, not a generalisation
  • Ruth126Ruth126 Posts: 38 New bride
    edited August 2019
    Pretty much reiterating what others have said but decide what bits are important to you and then budget around those. You’ll end up adding things on you didn’t think were important throughout if you’re anything like us but we were careful not to go crazy and only do that if we had the money and they were bits and pieces. 
    Completely agree with others on it being about value not money per se and also on not doing things because others have or you’ve seen them at other weddings unless it’s what you really want and/or think your guests would really enjoy them. 
    If you focus on what matters to you and give your guests a good time - basically keep them fed and watered and with not too much standing around - you’ll have a brilliant day! X
  • I agree with a previous poster, the 'average' cost of weddings does include those who spend massive sums and go completely over the top. I personally feel that 'worth it' is when you spend on what you consider the right kind of wedding day for you both and one which is perfect for you.
    That's just what we have done, wedding ceremony in a Castle and a reception and evening party afterwards for around 100+ people, all in will cost in the region of £15000 excluding my dress, grooms suit and the honeymoons (a short break in the UK the week following the wedding and then the honeymoon proper in September in St Tropez)
    We've saved money where we can, the two honeymoons are costing about £1500 all in, and we have been lucky to get a massive discount on the DJ company as BIL has his own high end DJ company lol, but in other areas we have splurged, namely the venue dressing at just over £1000, and the cake at £800 from a cake designer, and two vintage Cadillacs at £800, but other areas we have been more economical, for example staying in a Premier Inn just behind the Castle the night before and the night of the wedding.
    We haven't gone for a packaged wedding either, which means we keep control over which suppliers we choose and the details of what we order from them. I think we have got a fantastic wedding planned and have made the most of our money and got a lot for it.
    Also we have funded part of the wedding with earned income, and partly with a small low interest loan at 3% to spread the cost over a period of time, like you we have considerable savings which we want to conserve, and as an older bride and groom at 55 who own property already, that makes good financial sense, and we can easily afford the repayments. In fact we plan to overpay to reduce the term. 
    What I'm saying is, think carefully about what you as a couple really want for your day, what budget feels right for you, it really doesn't matter whether it's 'normal' to spend any particular amount of money, or what anyone else thinks, only you know what will give you your dream day for what you're comfortable spending on that day.
    Don't overspend if you aren't comfortable with it, but equally don't skimp and then not go for your dream, there's a happy medium for everyone x Hope this helps x
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