freaking about money!!! sorry rant!

Ok last year we had to postpone our wedding because we just weren't going to have the money for it. H2B kept telling me that things were going to be fine even though I knew they weren't and 9 months before the wedding had to break it to me that it wasn't going to happen BIG SURPRISEimage was alot more upset than I showed H2B



so we rebooked for 2009 my suppliers were great and we had cancelled our venue before and they had returned our deposit so didn't loose anything.



So I decided to get things moving and we booked everything deposits paid etc. the thing is the wedding is now 16 months away and H2B hasn't put a penny away might not sound bad but I am getting divorced (split with ex 5 years ago) and the divorce is due to come in at the start of June.



we also ordered our wedding ring and my engagement ring last August which has to be paid in Aug!! thats another 1020 (I'm not willing to loose these would rather get married in a registry office these are really important to me!!) silly I know.



but it's not even the fact of those exact rings it the fact that H2B keeps telling me everything is going to be fine!! when it obviously isn't, I suppose if I loose the rings I'll also loose all faith in H2B who I have always viewed as the person who will always look after us (have 4 kids) we are saving (or I am) in the credit union so as long as we can save 1250 we can borrow enough to cover both we already have 400 saved and a loan of 330 to pay back, so thats over 1000 that has to be raised in 3 months!!!



So this month H2B had to go on his brothers stag do so I lent him 200 pounds out of my savings which was due to go into the credit union then he discovers at the end of the month that he can only afford 100!!



next month is his brothers wedding and we have to pay for all that goes with that so he can't afford to give me the extra 100 back then either. june he was supposed to give me 300 but now he owes me 100 I'll still only get the 300. (sorry) in short I feel I'm saving my ass off and he's putting no effort in other than to tell me it's going to be ok!! yes it will because I'm freaking making sure it is!!!



If I try to say anything all I get is well I'm trying my best!! but if I could even see him putting anything into it it wouldn't be a problem! he's now lost 200 a month in overtime which was supposed to be going to the wedding fund, so I'll be saving up about 5000 and he'll be inputting about 1200!!



we also own a flat that is on the rental market and he is adamant it'll rent out in a week or two and basing all our money on that!!



we were lucky and came into the money which paid our venue deposit! I've paid the deposits for everything else my self!



the funny part of it all is I'm left stressing and saving for a wedding I didn't even want :\? I wanted to either have a small do or go to gretna green and get married but H2B was adamant we had to stay here and invite 80 guests 60 of which we never see!!! imageimage



sorry bored myself there just needed it off my chest



Posts

  • char2609ukchar2609uk Posts: 1,540
    Im sorry to hear that you are stressing our especially about something that you say you didn't want.



    I think you need to talk to h2b and work out some kind of plan to pay for this wedding....if during this conversation it just does not seem possilbe, then bring up the Gretna Green idea again. Maybe he'll be more open to it when he realises that money might not be available in time.



    It seems unfair that you seem to be bailing him out and doing the majority of the saving for a wedding that you would have prefered not to have. Surely if he wants a bigger wedding, then he should be footing the bigger half of the bill?



    I really do appreciate where you are coming from with the rings, after all they are the symbol of marriage as oppose to the big fancy do which is over in 24 hours.



    Feel free to rant, thats what the forums are all about - to get things off our chests and share advice! x
  • emmascan101emmascan101 Posts: 1,496
    have you tried sitting him down showing him the break down for the wedding and asking him how you are gonna do it, i agree its unfair your stumping up the majorty of the money and i think you should tell him how you feel,
  • Poor you, sounds like a bit of a nightmare! I don't think you should be paying out for a wedding that you don't really want. Your alternative sounds cheaper and less stressful.

    Good luck sorting it out.
  • I have showed him the break down but he always has the same attitude it'll be there!! my point is HOW???



    fair enough we only have to save 4k and we can borrow from the credit union hopefully but I have heard about people getting turned down for loans though H2B reckons thats a load of nonsense and asks how can they turn you down if you've saved 4k my response easily they say not but he's still not convinced!! I just don't want to have my whole wedding hinged on if we are able to borrow money
  • sarahrobsonuksarahrobsonuk Posts: 3,266
    Men are sometimes very vague, I think you should put your foot down, and have a nice intimate wedding, with close friends and family, if money is a problem. Can u not approach the credit union now and aske whether you will get a loan, its always best to do these things in advance, so you're not worrying right up till the last minute...xx
  • aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh now he want to spend 600 pounds on a new sofa and has just informed me that he is over 100 pounds short for his bills this month!!!! how when I told him it was ok to pay me back 100 of the 200 he borrowed meaning he should have had 100 left in his bank!!



    he says its a surprise but to be honest I really don't need this at the minute!!
  • laul24laul24 Posts: 1
    You don't sound as if you are having a good time at the moment!! If I was you I would sit H2B down and explain how you really feel! I read that you have tried that but really make him listen to you or you're going to end up resenting him for this! This is your day as well as his and if you don't want the big day explain that to him! Good luck and I hope it all works out OK for you!!! xoxoxoxoxox :\)
  • the thing is it is HIS wedding too and I want him to have a good day as well! but he just keeps adding things and taking things away!!



    he gave me a budget then says about the fact I haven't stuck to the budget but I had then he decided to add an evening buffett (400 pounds) a coach for the guests to get home he says the guests are the most important part of the day! then he raved about flowers and what a waste of money center pieces are and wedding cars (which I agree on)



    I would be happy enough to keep our day with the arrangements we have just 1/2 the guest list!! then again it's all his family I have 7 guests coming he has about 70!!
  • scattykatscattykat Posts: 237
    I sort of know where you are coming from, MrsMurphy. My H2B doesnt pay much towards the wedding, but that is cos his job isnt well paid untill he gets stand-by, but his company is being awkwards and not allowing him to do it. He feels bad about it but isnt much he can do about it at the mo. He did put his bonus towards honeymoon, but doesnt seem to understand that if he has a spare £10 he should put it towards the wedding, not spend it cos its there! I feel that the whole wedding rests on my shoulders, and that if we cant afford something it will be my fault!! Talk about stress! I have now said that I will save for the wedding, and he can save towards the honeymoon spending money, which he has agreed. I cant think about both things. He has been supportive, and I know he would pay more if he could.

    Other peoples finances are so frustrating, and i hate when you dont know where their money goes!!! I think men will let you do all the hard work if we have always done it. Prehaps tell him that he has to save for certain things that he wants, and if he cant save the money, then he doesnt have them? Sort of like giving him a goal that is his responsibility? x
  • scattykat is right...if u give me a responsibilty then im sure he wud then start saving. Its totally unfair that the responsibily is going on u when u only wanted a small wedding. He needs to be more responsible and he should listen to u when u talk to him and not let it go in my ear and straight out the other. If he has problems keeping his money then maybe you should suggest to him that you could help. My h2h is the same. He sees that the money he has is his to spend he hates saving (its a political thing somewhere down the line). we are both students at uni so money is very low, we both gunna b getting as much work over summer to help...my h2h has told me to take out money from his account and just let him know how much ive took....that way he cant spend it....i hope things get sorted xx
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