Marrying Abroad and Children Dilemma...?!

Happy Monday Ladies
I wanted to ask you a question....
"Do I invite guests and their children to our Wedding in France (potentially) or not?"
I am not sure whether to ask just our friends and family to our weekend Wedding in France with or without their children? I am thinking that perhaps our guests may feel they have to worry about getting out to our wedding and then worry about finding a babysitter happy to look after their children for 2/3 days too or will they relish a 'no children' policy?! ;\)
My fiance and I don't have any little ones and aren't sure whether to sprinkle our day with the magic of children (hmmm) or not?!
?
Advice please!
Thanks
xx
[Modified by: UglyBatty on 28 April 2008 12:41:33 ]
[Modified by: UglyBatty on 28 April 2008 12:42:24 ]
I wanted to ask you a question....
"Do I invite guests and their children to our Wedding in France (potentially) or not?"
I am not sure whether to ask just our friends and family to our weekend Wedding in France with or without their children? I am thinking that perhaps our guests may feel they have to worry about getting out to our wedding and then worry about finding a babysitter happy to look after their children for 2/3 days too or will they relish a 'no children' policy?! ;\)
My fiance and I don't have any little ones and aren't sure whether to sprinkle our day with the magic of children (hmmm) or not?!

Advice please!
Thanks
xx
[Modified by: UglyBatty on 28 April 2008 12:41:33 ]
[Modified by: UglyBatty on 28 April 2008 12:42:24 ]
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Well this issue can be tricky, but it all depend of what you want and how you do it.
Having children at a wedding will require a slight different organization, different food, maybe a baby-sitter at night, parents constantly checking on their kids, kids running around, screaming...if you feel that it is not for you, you could perfectly mention to your family and guests that it is an adult only wedding and weekend. I think it is totally acceptable not to have children at your wedding.
Some people will moan, some people however will take this opportunity to have a weekend away from their kids. I suppose they will have plenty of warning to be able to organize for a relative to care for them for 3 days.
I did have 9 kids at my wedding, UglyBatty, but we hired a lodge which was completely fenced, and they could run around freely and do their own things without us having to check on them at all. It did not make any difference for me at all. I just realised how easy it was.
If you want a more grown-up affair, don't be shy in telling them.
I don't like the idea of screaming children and our best friends not being able to relax and drink lots of champagne without them having to watch and wonder all day and night etc. about their children! I would prefer no children or even perhaps just immediate family children which would equate to around 5. Perhaps just a 'no' to our friends children? I want an elegant and glamarous affair so not sure sticky fingers and chicken nuggets fit the bill!! ;\)
We are looking at exclusive hire chateaus and hotels in the South of France - I am sending out emails as we speak for info and prices and pics etc... quite exciting!!
I haven't decided about a reception back home yet Vintage Lover, I guess that depends on how many people can make the Wedding in France.
We would send out 'save the date' cards a year in advance (ideally) so I would hope the babysitting element could be taken care of in advance. You're right though Celery, some of our friends will def moan!! I even think my Mother in law (to be) will probs moan the most!!
xx
your mil2b is bound to be the most critical - mine certainly is - because a lot of people won't complain directly to you but she is likely to hear people moaning
my feeling is - if you don't care enough about us to make the effort then don't come - sounds harsh but we've gone out of our way to attend friends' weddings - obviously there are occassions when people can't afford it or have already got other plans but the wedding is about you 2
for us personally it was important to invite the children - we're very close to our nieces and nephews - but i can understand why you might not want to do this
remember that what ever you decide is going to upset someone - and i fully mean this - so you just have to make a decision and then defend it
I can understand your issue, as your guests will be travelling to a more remote location/private residence for a pro-longed period. I suppose you could consider providing a creche/nanny service for the wedding reception.
Having said that, it is a special event and some families will be happy to leave their little ones at home. If they have a problem with it, they won't come.
Luckily we only have a handful of babies/children to consider and I trust the parents involved and I know that they will prevent the children from playing up.
At my friend's wedding a toddler spent the whole service banging a metal car against the wooden pew and the parents did NOTHING, but smile at him?!?! So rude.
x
[Modified by: rarajd on April 28, 2008 09:28 PM]
I am having a no child rule (or one third of my guests would be under 5- not what I was aiming for and the curse of being one of the last of my friends to get married!) with the exception of small babies- 5 friends have announced that they're pregnant since I got engaged and their babies will only be a couple of months old at the time.
if you really don't want children there then the best approach in my mind would be to say that the venue is inappropriate for children (even if it's a bit of a white lie
remember you will have to define what you mean by children - are you ruling out anyone under the age of 18? or will you say 14? what happens if parents have children of different ages etc?
i would personally go through your guest list and identify exactly who would be affected
Rafique, I think your idea is a good one - asking the guests to try and minimise disturbances throughout the ceremony, definitely something to think about. I think you're right, I need to go through my guest list again with a fine tooth comb and see exactly where the land might lie with our guests and their ankle-biters (erm, sorry I meant children!)...
Rarajd - you highlight the perfect scenario that I DO NOT want spoiling my big day, especially the important part of the ceremony. I think I may also have to factor in somebody to remove all hard, possibly noisy toys from babies/children before they enter the ceremony! Soft toys allowed only!
I can see me being 'very' unpopular amongst our maternal guests and older family relatives - eeeek! I know from previous history when I organised a swanky 60th party, I suggested an adult only evening of fine food and wine and my H2B's brother hit the roof and demanded to know how we could consider a famiy 60th without his little boy to share the celebrations....
I need to go look under the stairs for my maternal instinct...;\)
xx
She asked me what I expected her to do if she is breastfeeding - my immediate thought was 'express' (!) but I didn't actually say that and said perhaps we should wait and see whether she has had a baby or is pregnant by the wedding. I was told she def would have had the baby (pretty confident in her fertility then!).
I actually love children but H2B and I decided long ago that we wouldn't have any at our wedding. Recently we went to a wedding and the baby screamed during the vows. The mum took her outside but you could still hear her even outside the church.
Five of my closest friends are now trying for a baby and I am scared they won't come if they have one by the wedding. I am sure it must be difficult with breastfeeding. I don't really know when it is ok to express and so leave them at home with their nan and a bottle. Is it expected that breastfeeding babies come to a wedding?
xx
i personally think it's really important for new mothers to get time away from their babies every now and then and, by that time, your friend will probably agree
a friend of mine told me, when we first got engaged, that she and her hubbie were about to start trying for a baby and that if she was heavily pregnant/breastfeeding then she wouldn't come to our wedding regardless of whether it was in the uk or abroad - she didn't mean it in a nasty way, she just meant not to expect her because she knew she wouldn't enjoy it
i think everyone's different but, from what i've seen, first-time mum's often have a romanticised view of motherhood until the baby is actually born
Some people - ARRGGH. IT'S OUR DAY. And we only get one of them.
xx
This children saga perplexes me - totally and utterly!
xx
This is true but there are no facilities for a baby at the venue. No quiet room to put them in - she literally wants the baby in the carry cot at the table next to her! How she can possibly enjoy a wedding like that I don't know!
It sounds awful but I am just hoping they are all pregnant at the wedding and won't have had the babies..how terrible to be wishing they don't get pregnant for the next 5 months!
xx
ps this will make you laugh - the friend in question lives 15 mins from my wedding venue so she could actually pop home after the church service to do a feed and then come back for the meal!
Still it will be her first one and I guess she doesn't quite no what to expect and whether she will feel she can leave the baby...
xx
xx
This is a quote from MrsJessicad who as well did not have any children at her wedding. I thought it was lovely written and so true! Might help you to make up your mind.
x
xx
CLH - Why can't she leave a bottle for a babysitter to feed the baby? Surely she would like a break from breast-feeding every few hours every single day (sounds dreadful!).
The thing to remember is that you will never satisfy everybody, all of the time.
We've had a few murmurs from family about potential dates that we have mentioned.....H2B's step-mother: "well, you haven't checked that the date is ok with us". My answer: "No. We decided to just choose a date that we liked the sound of. Shame that you might already have plans though." Lol.
xx