Is anybody staying as a 'Ms'?

Hi! This is my first post - I love this particular forum! I was just wondering how people were approaching changing their name, and also changing from a Miss to Mrs? I want to stay as a Ms and keep my maiden name... but seem to be on my own in this at the moment. Anybody else out there?
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  • tsarinauktsarinauk Posts: 863
    I am planning to stay Ms but dread the sneering from older relatives. I actually try to avoid all titles like Ms/Miss/Mrs anyway- to me they seem old fashioned and redundant. I'd rather just be called by my name
  • CeleryukCeleryuk Posts: 3,640
    you're not on your own. I have kept my maiden name for everything and use the Ms title. Though most of the time people refer to me as Miss, which is funny really. I don't mind at all.

  • Thanks! That's cheered me up already!
  • lrbpielrbpie Posts: 2,280
    Me! My mum is Ms Maidenname (kept name and Ms on getting married) and I intend to do the same. to be honest I associate the title "Mrs" with my schoolteachers...!



  • termaganttermagant Posts: 120
    Another non-namechanger here. There are plenty of us around I think.



    I am prepared to be referred to as Mrs Hislast by family members though, but so it goes!
  • tuppenceuktuppenceuk Posts: 5,346
    Am still undecided completely, but I think maiden name and ms for me.



    although I'm another who tries to avoid the whole title thing, and just use my name.
  • EtherealBrideEtherealBride Posts: 1,418
    I'm keeping my own name, and I kind of think I'll end up as a -Ms' by default. Mrs myname just sounds a bit weird and I won't be a Miss anymore as I'll be married.
  • mpikey30mpikey30 Posts: 1,149
    Hmmm to be honest I can't decide. Half of me wants to keep my surname because it's different but at the same time getting a new name seems kind of exciting too. One of the downsides of keeping my maiden name is I fell out with my father about 7 years ago and we haven't spoken since and now I'm fully justified in dumping his surname and taking on a new one thus wiping all my ties to him. May sound silly but I feel if I keep my current surname I'll always be his daughter.
  • mpikey30mpikey30 Posts: 1,149
    Oh and I agree with the title thing - if I become 'Mrs' I'll feel I've aged 20 years - plus I don't like being referred to by a title it makes me feel uncomfortable and some sort of imposter!
  • macabeymacabey Posts: 2,884
    Don't like Ms or any title, however, have kept my name as is, as it's been mine for a long time, and I like it. A lot.



    Some people have been agog when I tell them that my name is remaining the same. In my head I think, 'what's it got to do with you?'

    It's something my husband and I have discussed.

    [Modified by: spunkychic on August 21, 2008 06:41 PM]

  • hellenichellenic Posts: 181
    Quoted:
    Me! My mum is Ms Maidenname (kept name and Ms on getting married) and I intend to do the same. to be honest I associate the title "Mrs" with my schoolteachers...!



    x


    My biggest fear as a teacher!



    Am keeping my maiden name in school and will have to turn to a 'Ms', which I really don't like. However, am going to have both outside of work, purely because his is a bit unusual and doubling up will just be a mouthful for the kids. I love my surname and am definitely wanting to take his so it's gotta be both!



    xx
  • MrsBambinoMrsBambino Posts: 442
    good question! I felt i would only really know for sure what name i felt comfortable with once i was actually married -and now i find i quite like being a 'Mrs' - although i guess in reality one doesn't write ones title very often. I use my new married name for most things and, i have to say, i do love it...even if it makes me sound like a granny!! x
  • I am pretty much undecided, I was very set into keeping my own name, and I am a Ms and have been since I was about 17, but I've discovered soem pretty awful tings about my Grandad who is Maidenname and I feel more disconnected to it now.



    I suggested to partner that i change my name to his but keep Ms, he just spluttered and thought it was a pretty strange option. I'm just not feeling the Mrs bit.
  • loopysooloopysoo Posts: 157
    Oh Nooo - definitely going to be a Mrs! I find Ms such a clumsy word!! Plus, I am quite looking forward to the name change, and new signature!



    Plus I want everyone to know what a fantastic man I will be married to.
  • ruthemilyruthemily Posts: 13,622
    See, I always associate "Ms" with divorced women. I'm not even entirely sure why.



    I will keep my maiden name for if I am ever able to work, as I am known in that world already by that name. I wouldn't use a Miss/Mrs with it, but if I had to fill it in on a form I suppose I probably would put Ms.



    I probably will take B's surname for house-y things though. I've thought about it a lot (especially as quite a strong-minded feminist!) but I quite like the idea of the connection. We have both spoken about double-barrelling and even B taking my surname, but out of all of them we both prefer us both being Mr and Mrs 'hislastname'...



    I don't like Ruth Hislast though, so I would probably hyphenated the ruthemily.



    I find it quite strange how much I think about the whole name-change thing. I suppose it's important though, as part of recognising a new identity and reconciling that with my 'old' one.
  • Yes, I am. I am also a teacher and had planned to use Ms MyLast at school, while we would both use MyLast HisLast socially (no hyphen, neither changing legally). However, I've had several interesting discussions with kids who are intrigued to learn that you don't *have* to change your name on marriage (several seemed to think it was the law...) and the didactic feminist in me wants to be a bit of an example that there are other options open to us! Possibly a little sanctimonius...



    I've used 'Ms' for a while now, although it's only really relevant in written communication. The kids contract 'Miss', 'Ms' and 'Mrs' alike to an indiscriminate 'msssss' sound.

    [Modified by: englishrose on August 21, 2008 11:42 PM]

  • ellie63ukellie63uk Posts: 126
    The pedantic feminist in me suggested that H2B change his name to mine, and he was willing to, but I actually really like his surname so decided against it! I am keeping my maidenname for now - but definitely don't want to be a Mrs! Ms is okay, although older people always just say 'Miss' regardless, but my grand plan is to get myself graduated and then I'll be a Dr!!
  • banana_jambanana_jam Posts: 2,215
    Quoted:
    However, I've had several interesting discussions with kids who are intrigued to learn that you don't *have* to change your name on marriage (several seemed to think it was the law...) and the didactic feminist in me wants to be a bit of an example that there are other options open to us! Possibly a little sanctimonius...


    This caused me no end of problems too. I got such a lot of "What will your name be when you're married?" from the kids I teach that I felt that I had to keep my maiden name at school partly just to prove that it was possible!



    I also thought it would be easier for them if I didn't change my name, but a lot of them have found it terribly confusing. When I turned up after my wedding with the same name, there was a lot of "So are you actually married, or not?", and just recently I had a conversation with a Year 11 who kept asking what my name "really" was and insisted it wasn't the name I used at school. Whenever they ask me whether I'm a Miss or Mrs or a Ms, though, I just tell them to use whatever they like - and as you say, it always just comes out as "Mssssssss..." anyway!
  • NaomeiNaomei Posts: 2,273
    I absolutely hate having to put a 'title' as I don't feel that I am Miss, Mrs or Ms. I always used to put Miss because I found Ms really annoying, but lately if I really have to, I put Ms. Mainly because I figure it doesn't need to change upon marriage, and I'm lazy! Also - I have found on some occasions that if you don't put 'Ms/Miss/Mrs' then you end up with the default of Mr, which REALLY annoys me! Ha ha.



    I've had the name discussion with J and he isn't against taking my name but I think his family (older than mine and quite traditional) would be upset by it, and I wouldn't want to do that. Everyone including my brothers are just assuming I'm going to take his name! I don't really know how I feel about it at the moment because it seems so far away.



    Just changing jobs and had to fill in all the name, given name etc stuff so it got me thinking. I think I will take his name but possibly not at work. But I'll still keep my name and just whack his on the end. I need to figure out the legal ramifications though. I don't really like the idea of giving up my name, not so much because it's a big male dominance thing (as my name is my father's name) but because it means I'm part of my family and not J's. I am excited to be part of his family but I don't want that to mean the end of being a part of mine. I would like to keep both and any children to have both as well. I realise that could be problematic when/if they got married, but I think they could make their own decision when that happens!
  • lrbpielrbpie Posts: 2,280
    Oops - just came back onto this post and hope I haven't offended any teachers (there seem to be quite a lot of you on here)! I just meant that the only people I ever called "Mrs X" were teachers, hence that's my association for that title.



    On the name thing - thinking about it, to be honest even if H2B was willing to take mine or double barrel, I still wouldn't want him to - I got to know him with his name and I like it (on him not on me!)









  • I want to take his name as our children have it. I don't like to be the odd one out.



    A man I work with got married last year and both him and his wife became double barrelled. It's sweet, but i kind of wondered where it would end up if they had children who married into double-barrelled families too.

    Someone I know gave her eldest son her maiden name as his middle name. I liked that idea of continuing her family name.
  • tsarinauktsarinauk Posts: 863
    Quoted:


    A man I work with got married last year and both him and his wife became double barrelled. It's sweet, but i kind of wondered where it would end up if they had children who married into double-barrelled families too.



    you would just pick one half of the double-barrel from each- I guess it would give even more scope for family members to get offended but hey who cares.



    I saw lots of angry letters in the London Lite (or was it Londonpaper) last night about the windsurfer whose taking his fiance's name after she won a bet by winning an Olympic gold at sailing. All the correspondents seemed to think it was awful and humiliating for him- what total hypocrisy!!
  • EtherealBrideEtherealBride Posts: 1,418
    That's terrible. Why is it considered -humiliating' for a man to change and not a woman? Ridiculous! Good on him for agreeing to it! And what a fair way to decide, rather than basing it on who is the female half of the relationship!
  • tsarinauktsarinauk Posts: 863
    they said it would remind him of being a loser because he only got a bronze. I can see that's different to everyday life but at the same time it insinuates the person who changes their name is a loser and plays second fiddle. grrr!
  • ruthemilyruthemily Posts: 13,622
    Grrr!

    I do think h2b would be happy to take my name, but he is the last "hislastname" in the family so I can see why he wants to keep it. But he understands why I may want to keep my own.

    As if a man would feel humiliated though. Gosh, I really thought society may have got further than that.



    My friend has a double-barrelled name (both her parents) and she is changing it to her new husband's name. I guess she wouldn't have been able to choose just one without upsetting one of her parents.
  • lrbpielrbpie Posts: 2,280
    I saw that! (about the Olympic couple) I thought it was great... After all her name will probably be more widely known now than his so it makes complete sense. Good on him for agreeing.



    As for the children's names... I have my mother's surname as one of my middle name - which I rather like. But it does make it difficult for me to do the same for my child - as I'd have to either give it two middle names (very long!) or choose one which would be tricky.



    So, I think our children will have either just my surname or just his. We'll work that one out when we get there (but to be honest I'm not that fussed so it will probably be his).



  • EtherealBrideEtherealBride Posts: 1,418
    I have this idea that when we have kids I'll take h2b's surname as a middle name, he'll take mine as a middle name and the kids will have one name, with the other as a middle name. Then we'll all have the same two names, but one will just be the other way around.Maybe i'm over-thinking it all slightly, but in 6 months it's the best solution I've come up with!



    Actually, last weekend I had my best friend, her partner (who also happens to be my cousin) , her two kids and his brother staying with us. We were sat around the table in the pub and the little girl looked around the table and said 'we're a family aren't we?'. She didn't have the same surname as any of us and it kind of made me realise that I wouldn't mind so much if it ended up being me that didn't share our kids' surname as it isn't that that makes a family.
  • loopysooloopysoo Posts: 157
    Oh my gosh - I certainly couldn't imagine my other half taking my surname! The thought of it makes me laugh!! He works in quite a male orientated business - and would certainly be ridiculed... but to be honest, I'd never even suggest it, why wouldn't I want his name... i think its a lovely tradition! One that has done us all well for hundreds of years - why start playing with the system now?
  • ruthemilyruthemily Posts: 13,622
    Quoted:
    One that has done us all well for hundreds of years - why start playing with the system now?


    How has it done us well?
  • loopysooloopysoo Posts: 157
    Well its less confusing to have the same last name for starters! And it shows a 'oneness' with the other person. Shows that you are part of a family. The fact that tradition has meant that it is the mans name is just how it is - I'd think the same if tradition meant that the man kept the womans name...



    I like tradition - a bit of cultural heritage!



    I must confess, I am probably a bit out of my depth in the unconventional/alternative wedding forum... as that isn't what I am going for... but it is a discussion forum... so I thought I'd discuss!!
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