Stress avoiding - Weird bride style

I thought I would enlist the help of the oh so sweet "Weird Brides" (although as someone mentioned recently, the more you look in other forum areas, the more perfectly normal it seems to be around here).

I have a pretty stressful job, 2 beautiful children and the house is going on the market in the next 4 weeks so we can move. Oh and this really sweet guy and I are hosting a pretty big party next June. So I have a fairly full and busy life. I'm extremely eager to avoid stress and the stuff abounds here on Y&YW. The more I read, the more I keep thinking how bad I'm going to be in the weeks leading up to the big day.

I'm generally good with contingency planning but need the assistance of you girlies to keep the potential stressers down to an absolute minimum.

I don't and won't have dress issues (oh is that a fate temptor or what?) because the thing is sat in one of mums spare bedrooms and only needs slight alterations which I plan to do in January. I refuse point blank to have a table plan in writing because everything I read suggests that guests have this fun habit of changing their plans at the last moment and the amount of time given to alert you to these changes seems inversely proportional to how much time your table plan took to build! Its ok, it won't be a free for all, we are going to use the Yank way of escort cards but hang them daintily from a twiggy style tree (it looks better than it sounds I promise, I may scan my florists scribblings in at some point).

What else can I do to avoid last minute mishaps? Could any of the marrieds possibly shine some light on this?


  • I'm avoiding stress using my 3 main methods (wedding Nov!)

    1. Lists,lists,lists - ticked off with meticulous precision.

    2. Random days spent in PJs in front of tv or with a good book when its

    starting to get too much this may also involve hot bubble baths and


    3. Party hard at least once a week to forget about everything - even the

    highest stress levels can be lowered with a few drinks and a few good


    So far its working lol
  • Posted that reply ages ago and it still not recognised me on the forum - trying again incase you think we ignoring you lol
  • Hi, lilelf. Sounds as if you've started well in terms of keeping things under control. The only advice I would add is:

    a) trust your suppliers. They are professionals and their reputation is at stake - don't assume they will let you down and 9.5 times out of 10, they won't.

    b) a corollary to the above: be polite to your supplier and you will find that they can work miracles. We had the wrong chairs delivered by the furniture hire company the day before the wedding. Our wonderful caterer managed to get them changed to the right chairs by the next morning, but I know she would not have done so so willingly if I had thrown a strop instead of asking her to see if there was something she could do but not to worry if it didn't work out.

    c) probably most importantly, remember that it won't be exactly the way you plan it. It will be special, memorable, wonderful, but it probably won't be perfect.

    Oh, and remembering to breath always helps. image
  • NaomeiNaomei Posts: 2,273
    Hi Lilelf! We're getting married next June and I seem to be lacking the requisite stressiness - so I know how you feel! I think I will just get more into it closer to the time but meanwhile it seems like aaages away and I can't bring myself to worry about it.

    I think one of my techniques is 'Don't sweat the small things' - as in, I'm concentrating on the things I really think are important/have to be arranged beforehand. eg We have decided on the bridesmaids' outfits and my dress, and booked the venue, caterer and photographer, and decided what date it is(!). But I'm not going to get worked up about things I think are secondary, like the flowers (I think all flowers look nice so although I have preferences, I won't get upset if I can't have them), flowergirl outfit (she'll look cute in anything), seating plan (I have an idea of how I'm going to do it - similar to the escort card format - but will do it closer to the time when we know who's coming), etc. I think things have pretty much come up naturally and I'm just addressing them as and when.

    Also we're getting married in Italy so have a wedding planner, so I know that stuff will get organised... She's a bit like me in that she is not worrying about it till closer to the time - concentrating on the nearer weddings first! I think that is quite normal and I guess I don't think of our wedding as being the biggest event in everyone else's lives, so I just try and keep it all in proportion. I think when people think of it as this massive thing that is more important than everything else, that's when they get overwhelmed by the enormity of it!
  • tuppenceuktuppenceuk Posts: 5,346
    lists lists lists.

    I have lists of everything, and it's so satisfying crossing things off.

    makes me feel something is actually happening. Even if it's something small.

    Agree wholeheartedly on the supplier thing - especially the part about being nice and polite if something goes wrong. You just have to imagine it - the supplier has done their best, (or made a human mistake - it happens), but something's gone wrong. put yourself in their place - would you be more inclined to help somebody who's polite and understanding, or somebody who's screaming like a banshee?

    keep the banshee-ness in reserve if they don't sort it out, in my view image

    and regular bubble baths.

    and maltesers.
  • ruthemilyruthemily Posts: 13,622

    I am going to be giving each BM and groomsman a list of what should be happening when, who is responsible for each thing (suppliers etc) and a list of their contact numbers. If anything goes wrong they can sort it without us needing to know a thing!
  • NaomeiNaomei Posts: 2,273
    Tuppence! Maltesers! I live off them! (Urk - gonna have to change that if I want to lose any weight, sheesh!)

    They are always on 3 for 2 in Sainsburys... hence my addiction. I blame J Sainsbury.
  • nickkipnickkip Posts: 686
    Some brill ideas, I'm particularly loving the malteser theory of wedding planning, it sounds like my kind of plan!

    I think if anything is stressing me out, its the fact I'm not stressed and everyone around me seems to think I should be. That's not to say I haven't had my moments, screaming matches with my Dad about the benefits of a Travellodge! (It took every bean of strength not to scream back at him about the very nice surprise we had organised for my parents regarding where they are staying that weekend!) But on the whole, I, like Nao just can't get 'into it' enough to panic about anything. I'm really looking forward to it, of that there is no doubt but I'm just not feeling manic over it and everyone seems to think I should be?

    Lists.. oh now that I can do. My lists are online, I used to be a web designer so it made sense to put them all online on our domain and access them using my phone whenever I'm with a supplier etc. I'm fairly concerned that I have forgotten something as when H2B and I sat down the other night, practically everything was met with... 'later' 'later' 'later'. as you can see, I think its just all there. Maybe I just need to work on the procrastination issues I'm developingimage

    [Modified by: lilelf on September 01, 2008 08:20 PM]

  • ruthemilyruthemily Posts: 13,622
    Wow, how organised is that site?!! It seems you have everything covered and under control. No wonder you aren't stressing - you have no need to!

    I would revel in the calm, with maltesers.
  • mrsj36mrsj36 Posts: 2,340
    I have to sort of contradict RuthEmily here as anything I did delegate went wrong! My friend was making a cake, then dropped out, dad sorting the band which he did in the end but only after finding a heavy metal one, and m's siste did my hair but I left it up to her to choose a style and I didn't like it!

    So....I was much happier to be in charge of stuff. I suppose I did that along with M and my mum, but basically I was in charge.

    NaoCat's plan is right and what I did. Decide what is most important to you - for me it was the venue, dress etc. I was the same and as I'm not tooo fussed about flowers, I left that until later on.

    I'd suggest you do as much as you can straight away. Leave the table plan til the last minute, decide on favours but if they're edible buy them the month before. Decide on table arrangements, food, book a photographer if you're having one, get a hair trial and makeup asap seeing as you've got your dress. (again assuming you're having hair/ makeup done)

    I got married in April and had most 'big' things done by the Christmas. The rest I did along the way.

    One thing to remember is if the worst comes to the worst and someone drops the cake, or the photographer is ill or whatever, then you'll still get married - people will still eat, your friends will have cameras. Plus, I've almost forgotten all the stress I had - it was all worth it in the end and it's a nice calmer time afterwards image

  • ruthemilyruthemily Posts: 13,622
    I will only be delegating on the day, MrsJ!

    No way would I leave decisions and finding to anyone else! But that may be because I'm a bit of a control freak...

  • nickkipnickkip Posts: 686
    Anyone have a friend (or want to admit to being one of these girls yourselves?) that has a fairly high powered job but forgets the most simple of everyday tasks and lives their personal life in all but chaos?

    I am that girl. I'm a company director and at work, you just would never have a clue how unorganised I am! There is a simple reason and thats my office manager. Whilst I'm doing technical or marketing or financial stuff, she's 2 steps behind me sorting my desk, reminding me where I need to be, making my lunch and generally keeping me on track! I openly admit, I'm only able to function at the level I do because of my administrative angel.

    I can only assume that all those years of being looked after have scared me into organisation on a mass scale because I'm doing this for myself.

    I'm off to Tesco's for Maltesersimage

    [Modified by: lilelf on August 29, 2008 01:02 PM]

  • ruthemilyruthemily Posts: 13,622
    I am completely unable to organise myself, and live my life in the chaos you describe. However, when it comes to organising someone else, I am brilliant at it! I guess it's why I have to be such a control freak over my own plans - I'd totally lose it if I wasn't!

    I could use one of those administrative angels you talk about...!
  • EtherealBrideEtherealBride Posts: 1,418
    Oh, me! I have a job where I can find any one of millions of pieces of paper at a few minutes notice, but my personal like is complete chaos and I lose everything. I've made an art form of making lists! Just lately I've got myself a notebook just lately and every time I realise I have a task to do, no matter how tiny, it goes in there. And I carry it with me at all times. It's working a bit, but I have a tendency to ignore things I don't want to do!

    In terms of the wedding, I just try and remember that it's not worth getting stressed about. The day will be lovely even if tiny things do go wrong. And I'm doing everything myself too (with h2b involved in the decision making of course). It's just easier for me like that and I'm a bit of a control freak!

  • Natalie77ukNatalie77uk Posts: 1,247
    I will only be delegating on the day, MrsJ!

    No way would I leave decisions and finding to anyone else! But that may be because I'm a bit of a control freak...

    Oh I know how this feels! A few weeks before the wedding I sent my family a "Wedding Morning Timetable" so that they knew exactly where to be and when (i.e. when the hairdresser/florist/photographer was arriving). It even had allocated bathroom slots so there would be no clashing on the morning! And specified times for when my sister and Mum should fit in their makeup.

    Needless to say it went down like a lead balloon. But the point being I was such a control freak and so worried that things wouldn't pull together in the morning. But somehow they just did... You'll be amazed at how little you actually need to stress because on the day it really does all come together.

    Likewise the night before the wedding I gave our ushers and best man a list of duties for the big day. They laughed their socks off but this actually turned out to be invaluable, and they were all following it on the day.

    Not sure how helpful this is but thought you might like to see a Married's perspective!
  • banana_jambanana_jam Posts: 2,215
    I think if anything is stressing me out, its the fact I'm not stressed and everyone around me seems to think I should be.

    Yes, that was what worried me too! I kept thinking I must have forgotten to have done something, or there was something I ought to be worrying about that I didn't know about!

    I think the idea of delegating is very tricky. While it's good to be able to leave some things in the hands of others, it can sometimes cause more problems than it solves, as Mrs Juice points out, as you worry more about the possibility of them letting you down than you would have if you'd just done it yourself. I woudn't strictly recommend giving people specific jobs to do on the day unless you are 100% sure that they won't bodge them up even slightly - and don't necessarily rely on people like bridesmaids and parents being any more calm and in control than you are!

    I can only offer some very nebulous, emotional advice about avoiding stress in the days before the wedding, and that is to keep remembering that it's not an exam or a job interview and that nothing depends on your "performance", so there is nothing at all to be nervous about. Everyone there will be on your side - the people who love you will love everything about your wedding and no-one else matters, so don't get into a big stress about whether it'll be "good enough" (I know I did that). I know that doesn't help you much now, but I've heard so many people say that they wish they could have enjoyed the last few days before the wedding a bit more.

    Finally, I wholeheartedly second what Mrs Jessicad says - accept that a few things may go wrong, and accept that, on the day, you honestly won't care. ;\)
  • nickkipnickkip Posts: 686
    I am exceedingly lucky in some respects, because certain things matter to us and certain things most definitely don't, I've had the budget to throw at the things I really care about. The thing about suppliers, I do not suffer poor customer service well, and I'm extremely confident about so much of it because I have a 'team' of people involved in this all of whom I trust implicitly. I was VERY picky about caterers and DJ, we must have visited 30+ venues and spoke to their co-ordinators, chucking out venues where we didn't feel comfortable and my florist (my personal big thing) is someone I use week in week out and has more passion for floral art than I do.

    I'm continuing to munch on the maltesers, taking MrsJam's advice on not worrying about being 'good enough' although at times thats hard (single mother of 2 into Roman Catholic family is enough to have anyone running for the hills with their veil flailing behind them) and a resolute mindset that when it comes down to it, it really will be an amazing day no matter what!
  • tuppenceuktuppenceuk Posts: 5,346

    have run out of maltesers.

    not good.

    and tv went pop last night (or, well, didn't so much go pop as just not turn on) so can't use my other anti stress technique of half watching buffy and drawing.

  • PikelettePikelette Posts: 1,096
    I tend to work on the "but nobody DIED did they?" theory. Which is not to say that you can't feel positively homicidal yourself at times but ultimately you do get things into proportion!
  • SkipulaSkipula Posts: 1,763
    lilelf, I had a look at your site - lists galore, my h2b would love it!

    I especially like the entries under entertainment:-

    Choose first dance music

    Teach Steve to dance image

  • nickkipnickkip Posts: 686
    Skip, nearly all of those lists are achievable without major pain. Teaching my husband to be to dance? I love him for a million and one reasons, he's a truly amazing guy but his dance style... oooooohhhh dear!

    There is a fair amount of sarcasm in the whole thing, at least it keeps me amused. My mum threw a fit when I mentioned a make-up artist, hence the 'practise with mummy' thing.. You gotta giggle at this wedding malarky or it really would send me round the bend!
  • skinnyhipsskinnyhips Posts: 1,321
    Hello, dont know if this helps ( or how long itll last?) but i get married 5 weeks today and im not stressed at all! I still have a fair anmount to do, order of services, all the miusic for everything, dress alterations and buy some last min bits, but i just dont feel stressed at all, the only niggle i have is that i write poetry and i am supposed to be doing two for my wedding but just havent had any time to get onto it yet, but still no stress, i am starting to feel quite excited but thats all so maybe some people just dont get overly stressed out over things? or maybe ill go to pieces on the day haha! x
  • SkipulaSkipula Posts: 1,763
    lilelf - I noticed the fun side in your lists. Another favourite is Honeymoon - Keep secret image

    Skinnyhips - talking of lists we need to add you to the WB wedding dates list. So that would be 3rd October?

    Edited 'cause it's late and I'm getting Friday and Saturday mixed up.

    [Modified by: Skipula on August 29, 2008 11:55 PM]

  • tuppenceuktuppenceuk Posts: 5,346
    I should add that it's work that stresses me.

    Wedding easy - frock coat aaarrrgghh!!!

    Also h2b's reluctance to do housework for the last few weeks - not like him, but it did clash with me not having time to do any.

    and the cat who I swear has ADD or similar, if that's remotely possible
  • DustyMothDustyMoth Posts: 1,528
    Lilelf - your lists are fabulous. I'm in awe! I think you and I sound fairly similar in attitude and I'm not at all worried just yet - and am more worried that I'm not than anything else. Perhaps it will come closer.. or perhaps it will be a beautifully efficient thing with hundreds of lists!!!

    I like this malteesers thing though. And after all, they are practically good for you, aren't they?!
  • sigsuksigsuk Posts: 37
    Lilelf, what a great set of lists, I am drooling!

    to keep stress at a minimum we eloped (albeit with blessings alround) to Las Vegas! Can't recommend it enough!
  • ruthemilyruthemily Posts: 13,622
    You know, when people find out I'm vegan and ask me what I miss, the only two things I can ever come up with are maltesers and Baileys! If they just veganised both, my life would be complete.
Sign In or Register to comment.