Confused! Help!

Hi everyone... I have a slightly weird problem... I'm getting married this July and am really, really excited about it. My confusion stems from the balance between tradition and convention... we are an actor and a writer and neither of us is very conventional but we are quite traditional (I told you it was confusing!). I am having a mild panic about the wedding because I want it to be "us" but I also really want people to think it was beautiful - I DON'T want people to think "oh they're so quirky and alternative!" image Ironically I felt that the people who read the "unconventional/alternative" thread would be the most likely to understand my problem!

We started out with a (teeny) budget that we could afford ourselves - although our lovely parents have contributed quite a lot so we've been able to splash out on certain things (like having a free bar and a great old bus etc) so we have booked our local village hall (which is cute and I love it) and a local deli is going to plate up loads of amazing Italian food which we're going to serve family style on trestle tables. A local brewery is brewing us some beer and my dad is building us a photobooth. J has built a coconut shy and our mums are making reams and reams of bunting and paper chains... a friend's amazing ceidlh band is playing... we're doing the flowers ourselves, most of which will be sourced from our parents' gardens. So far so "us"...

Ok, I've just realised that I love all of that - my whole problem comes down to the dress! One of the "treats" from my mum was that she wanted to buy my dress - she took ages to convince me because I was quite set on customising a vintage dress until I realised that my sewing skills stretch to some cracking bunting and then they stop (seriously, once I made a skirt and accidenctally sewed it to my knickers!). Also they just didn't suit me. Now, my mum IS pretty conventional so we went to a load of wedding dress shops and I - totally against my nature - fell in love with a very lovely "obvious" gown - long, lace, beautiful. But my mum just couldn't "see it". Then I went to Candy Anthony and my mum - who didn't really get the whole "short dress" thing burst into tears 1 dress in and was basically typing her pin number into the machine before the lady had even tied the sash. She keeps saying that it's just so "me".

So therein lies my problem! I've got an appointment today with CA which is where the first installment has to be made so no going back after that. Mum is right, the dress is so, so beautiful and it is exactly "me" and it looked nicer even than the lace number... but is having a short dress too much of a statement? Is wearing a short dress basically the same as walking down the aisle and saying to every guest you pass "Hi, thanks for coming, did you realise that I'm unconventional?" image

I keep veering between two poles... i) it's my wedding day, I'll never again get the chance to wear a long cream lace, floor-length gown and play "dress up bride" in the same way, I won't be able to dance but if I stand still all day everyone will think I look amazing... (!) and J will be absolutely astounded (in a good way)... and...

ii) it's my wedding day, I can't wait to have fun, look amazing, twirl around in a beautiful dress that isn't dragging on the floor getting grubby (I hate that) and that I can dance madly to the ceidlh band I'm so excited about and feel comfortable and relaxed... and J will be slightly surprised (I don't think he knows short wedding dresses exist...) but think "ah this is the girl I'm marrying and she looks like a lovelier version of her normal self"

Has anyone else had this confusion?! Has anyone else chosen their wedding dress and then felt slightlt sad for all of the other wedding dresses they'll never get to wear?!



  • bubblegum_pbubblegum_p Posts: 275
    I'll put it out there straight away, I'm having a CA so may be a bit biased on this one! I also feel I'm pretty traditional in my wedding ideas, although my makeup artist, florist, photographer all seem to think I'm quite quirky!?!

    The only thing I would say in response to your post is that it doesn't sound like you're totally convinced about the short dress and you feel you might regret not having the full on 'bride' experience of the long dress, and I think unless you put on the short dress and still manage to feel AMAZING, then it's maybe not the right choice. Just picking up on some of the words you've used - you think your H2B will be astounded by the long dress you like, but 'just' think you look lovely in the CA. I always wanted a short dress, so although I was tempted by one long dress I tried, it was a fairly easy decision for me.

    One idea (if you have the budget!!) might be to have the long dress for the ceremony, where you don't need to be moving around a lot, and then change into a short dress for the evening so you can really dance the night away - maybe a Dolly Couture, or Honeypie Boutique to save shelling out £££ on a CA?
  • Thanks Bubblegum! Interesting, funny, when I wrote the post I thought I sounded like I was veering towards CA! I think I will go for CA though, the dress (I'm having the one with the lace and tulle over-lay - sooooo pretty!) is stunning and I actually looked better (they're so flattering!) in the CA dress... and I love that CA is made to order than just altered to fit, made in England not a Chinese factory, is a proper service rather than just a conveyor belt... hmmmmm! I do love it!

    Can I ask why you'd always wanted a short dress? I never really knew they were an option until I got engaged... an obvious perk is you get to wear amazing SHOES image

    Which CA dress did you go for?

  • bubblegum_pbubblegum_p Posts: 275
    Haha, I am also having a tulle overlay, so pretty - I'm having the Sylvia dress below, but without the halterneck and the big bow (my mum is still trying to convince me to add the bow!)

    I've always loved the 50's style and had actually had my eye on Candy Anthony way before I got engaged. I'm pretty short myself, so I tended to look a bit swamped in a full length dress. I did find one I loved which was kind of like a throwback to 50's Hollywood, but still couldn't get the idea of the short dress out of my mind and was considering getting a second dress for the evening, but then when I tried the Candy Anthony I realised that if you love a dress enough then that should really be enough on it's own! The shoes being visible is a massive perk for me - I'm a big shoe girl! Have got me a fab pair of hot pink ones to match the petticoat image

    Lucky you to have your mum buying your dress - mine is buying mine too, gotta love Mums! Do you have a pic of the dresses you are considering?
  • Ohhhh! Yours is so lovely!!! I love, love, love them. I think my worry is about what other people think but (as my sister said) if I feel comfortable in it I'll look good and people will think it's great, if I'm constantly holding up the hem of a long dress then people will think I look really uncomfortable and I'll feel really frumpy anyway!

    There's a pic of mine on the CA facebook... hang on, I'll try and attach it...!/photo.php?fbid=433457313123&set=t.1582778040&theater

    Ok there's a link instead - this poor girl, I have no idea who she is and (I hope!) she has no idea that I look at her photo (i.e. her dress) about a million times a day! image

    We're getting married in a cathedral so I need to have my shoulders covered.

    I think it's better without the bow, you're right... and anyway if you have a bouquet not many people will see this bit anyway. Are you wearing the same veil as in the pic or a different one/not at all?

    Ok, I'm convinced, you're right, short dresses are fabulous enough to be more than "enough" - I'm going to stop thinking about how it's not like a "proper" wedding dress and start thinking that it's MY wedding dress and I chose it because I love it and it's beautiful.

    Another perk: If it's a hot day, how uncomfortable must a floor-length dress be?! We'll have breezy ankles all the way! image

  • aileen316aileen316 Posts: 264
    why dont you look for a cheap full length dress on ebay or preloved and marry in that and then have the short dress for the evening so you can dance and have everyone wowing at you image

  • Hiya!

    I had a bit of a mix between alternative and traditional and i did have a CA dress! (i'll try to put up pics soon).

    My CA dress however was ballerina length and made of lots of tulle layers, with a strapless ruched bodice, in ivory. This was great because whilst my shoes matched my hair (bright pink) it still felt very 'traditional' on.

    Something that might not have crossed your mind yet - I had lots of comments about how nice it must be to not have to drag my dress through the mud! which is a very good point really, i could sprint over grass and gravel and my dress remained perfecto!

    Good luck - no matter what you go for I'm sure you'll look beautiful image
  • amylou2ukamylou2uk Posts: 73
    I'm a bit like you in having a mix of traditional and more "relaxed" stuff, I'm also having a CA dress! You feel like a princess in them don't you! Much more fun than having people tread on your dress on the dancefloor too!
  • july2011july2011 Posts: 817
    Just my gut feeling on reading your post - you and your mum both agree that the CA is "so you" - that's your answer right there.

    Just becuase its your one chance to wear a lace gown doesn't mean you need to take it.

    This phrase is oversaid on this board - but it's true - Don't worry about what everyone else will think, it's your day and your choices.

    Oh, and the CA dress is sooo lovely!! x
  • Your wedding sounds fantastic - and very personal.

    We are hoping to have a similar kind of reception and I have decided on a short dress. I know exactly what you mean about wanting to play dress up but for me a short dress meant that I really could the short dress felt much less showy so I could wear a veil have fantastic shoes (and really show them off) and wear some really special jewellery. In a long dress I think I would have let it wear me instead of me wearing it and I would have felt ridiculously self conscious in all of that in a long dress.

    Whatever you pick I'm sure you'l look fantastic and have a great day xxx
  • bubblegum_pbubblegum_p Posts: 275
    Oh, that dress is gorgeous, really beautiful, I love it! And from everything you've said about yourself it matches perfectly - even though it is a short dress, I would say it's very traditional, it's got the lace and the tulle, everything you'd expect on a wedding dress!

    Breezy ankles and feeling comfortable are a winning combination! When is your wedding?
  • bubblegum_pbubblegum_p Posts: 275
    Just saw your comment on veil too - I am having a veil dilemma! I've ordered the traditional veil - not as pouffy as the one in the pic, and planned to have a birdcage in the evening. But looking at the pic of me in the traditional veil, it seems to make me look a bit stumpy (I'm only 5ft3!) so wondering whether to just have the birdcage all day... Can't make my mind up! And I was so decisive on the dress! lol
  • chick-basschick-bass Posts: 563
    You're wedding sounds amazing and not to 'try hard' in being 'quirky'. weddings have come a long way in the last couple of years and a lot of the unconventional stuff is now quite normal (much to my annoyance!).

    Your CA dress sounds amazing and I really hope you go for it! Mum's know best and if she says it's you, rather than the full length, then she's probably right! This happened to me too. When trying on full length, I though there would be tears and 'please go traditional' from Mum but she took one look at me and laughed! Nice! However, when trying on my 50's syle calf length (albeit not CA- way out of my budget!)lace dress, the tears finally came!

    Like someone said earlier, just because you'll never get to wear a full length lace gown again, doesn't mean you have to take it! You will wow in your CA!!!

    Good luck with everything.....and I hope you do a wedding report in the future!

  • SteampunkbrideSteampunkbride Posts: 1,748
    Hi, your wedding sounds unique and personal to you. I think the dress is gorgeous and fresh and you won't look like you're 'trying too hard'.

    My dress is long, full and deep cadbury purple. I was also in the dilemma of a wedding day being the one day you can get away with wearing a big dress but I didn't want to wear white as a) I'm quite pale, b) I have a son and c)I've always had gothic tendacies (not the full on look, just hints of it).

    Go with what you want to wear, it'll give you the chance to show off some fabulous shoes! image
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