Secret wedding....

Hi. New to these boards but hoping for some advice...
I'm getting married on 7th January unfortunately in our 1970s run down shack of a town library although we are having a blessing on 30 March.
I have previously been married. Having got married in Cyprus in 2003 but it wasn't a happy marriage. My ex husband was an alcoholic who got very handy with his fists on both myself and our children then when I had our daughter I ended up in a coma in icu and wasn't expected to pull through. He claimed I milked my recovery and his violence became worse until he left me for another woman. I was with him for 17 years since I was 18 and knew nothing different...

So I met my current partner 9 years ago and he really is my rock and my soul mate. He was 41 when we met and had never married or had children but he became the dad they truly deserved. I have 3 boys as well as my daughter and 2 of my boys have severe autism, one being non verbal and at 19 has the learning age of a toddler but Wayne took them on as his own and they adore him.

On Christmas day 2017 so almost a year ago we had the most devastating experience one can imagine when we lost my future father in law totally unexpectedly. It was truly the most hearbreaking thing telling your children that the Pappy they loved so much (Wayne's parents never considered themselves not to be the children's grandparents and they adored them,) was no longer with us and breaking their hearts on Christmas day. Having only list his mum 5 months before in July.

So in March it was my parents 50th wedding and we decided to make an announcement and set a date for our own wedding. 30th March 2019...

Despite being married before I never considered that I couldn't marry in the church I have attended every week for several years and where my children were christened. I thought I had a progressive vicar. Some of you may be familiar with him if you've watched Strictly as Rev Richard Coles. But he said from my initial chat with him that he didn't agree with divorcee's marrying in church regardless of the reason for the breakdown of a marriage and domestic violence and desertion are obviously do not warrant breaking up a marriage.

So we have had to settle on a blessing. Wayne is devastated as it was the last wish of his mum and dad to see us marry in church and bearing in mind he has waited 50 years to finally say I do. All the people we have invited are assuming it's a wedding not a blessing because to us the civil ceremony at 10.00 on a Tues morning in the library really doesn't mean anything. It's the declaration in front of our guests and to God that means something so we've kept the civil part quiet. We are not even allowed guests at that. You are allowed your 2 witnesses but that is all.

So my question is do we keep quiet and carry on as we are. We have a formal 'wedding breakfast' after our blessing for 60 guests and 120 for the evening so can we send out 'wedding' invites or do they have to be specific blessing ones and how similar to a 'real' wedding ceremony are we allowed to be???

Thank you xx


  • Our civil service is tues 8th not the 7th. My brain is all over the place at the moment.... :o;)
  • MrsTwizbeMrsTwizbe Posts: 3,352 New bride
    I would word it as a wedding blessing. Partly because the ceremony is slightly different to a wedding and it will be referenced in the service that it is a blessing of your marriage and not your marriage ceremony.

    Congratulations on your wedding :-)
  • MrsCToBeeMrsCToBee Posts: 2,942 New bride

    Loads of people have a small civil ceremony then whatever kind of 'wedding' they want and treat that as their wedding day, and you can too. If to you it is your wedding, then that's all that matters.

    My brother had a basic civil ceremony then a wedding with a celebrant as they wanted to get married outside, and no one would know it wasn't their real wedding.

    Have you tried a different vicar? When I got my son christened a few wouldn't christen him as my fiancé isn't religious and refused to be christened himself, but we found a local vicar who is really easy going and he was christened in his church (it was important to me and my fiancé understood that).

  • Do whatever you want! If you want to see the blessing in March as your proper wedding day, you're well within your rights to treat it as such. So many people have their civil ceremony and then their 'proper' wedding after - particularly those getting married abroad.

    Word the invites however you like :) Those closest to you will know the situation anyway and if anyone is confused by the ceremony wording, let them ask away but I can't see that anyone will question it.
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