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I don't like my engagement ring..

I have recently had a wedding ring made to fit round my engegement ring (it is my avatar). When we went to pick it up i hated it. The company have been so far good and have said they will work with us to produce something i do like. However, i think the real problem stems down to the fact i've never been massively keen on my engagement ring. It is NOTHING like what i would have chosen and actually is not to my taste at all. H2B chose it on his own and had saved up to buy it (he was only an apprentice at the time) and i never had the heart to say i wanted to change it. I always had concerns that i wouldn't be able to have a 'proper' wedding ring with it because of it's shape but thought it would be okay.

Now the wedding is only six weeks away and i know deep down that i won't like any ring that gets made as it isn't a tradtional wedding ring. I'm worried if i tell H2b he'll be hurt. I know he'd get me another ring if it was what i wanted but at the same time i'm worried that a new engagement ring wouldn't have the same meaning. I've worn this one for five years. I feel like a selfish cow. I know i am fussy and hard to please but i just want to be happy. I keep thinking thse are my wedding and engagement rings. Should i have to settle for something i don't really like?

Any advice greatfully receieved. Sorry about rant. I feel better for getting this off my chest as i've never told anyone i don't like the ring which for me is very self controlled! I usually blurt out the first think that comes into my head!



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  • calbradcalbrad Posts: 794
    HI - I had a similar problem - h2b got me an engagement ring that i didnt like - dont get me wrong it was a nice ring (3 stone) but I knew I wanted a solitaire princess cut ring. I told him that although I liked the ring it wasnt really what I'd chose as an engagement ring. He said I was ungrateful etc etc so I kept it but never felt right in it. Well for xmas he surprised with the ring he knew I'd always wanted so I got my ring in the end so I guess I was lucky - as for your situation I'd ave to say something because it will all come out at one point so you may as well state how you really feel beforehand - that way you can chose the wedding ring that you'd really like and then perhaps at a later stage get a new engagement ring to fit in with your wedding ring. Or you could "accidentally" lose it and claim on a new one on your house insurance - did I really say that?!

    good luck anyway - I know ow you are feeling x x
  • char2609ukchar2609uk Posts: 1,539
    I too have a shaped engagement ring but I chose it myself - however I am now thinking that I should have just gone for a regular band as it will cost us far more to have a shaped one!

    Abbieb - I never thought of wearing it on the other hand and having a plain band! What a great idea - it would at least do until we could afford a shaped one - i.e. first anniversary. With the recent credit crunch we are not in a position to save and we really dont want to load up the credit cards.

    If you really hate it that much then just be honest - you could find somewhere that will buy your ring and then you can get the kind that you want. If you cant do what makes you happy you'll look at every day for the rest of you life and perhaps regret that you didnt say anything. Just be really tactful when you tell h2b.

  • Shelley06ukShelley06uk Posts: 2,474
    What does your ring look like? Maybe you could have the stone/stones reset into a new ring?

    Can you show us a picture of it?
  • JoLBJoLB Posts: 167
    I would tell him that you have always wanted a plain wedding ring, and say that you will wear engagement ring on other hand.

    I didn't like my engagement ring. Husband was extremely upset/angry/put out, but he got over it!

    Now have a different one and waiting for eternity ring!

    I would tell your H2B
  • phil-and-clairephil-and-claire Posts: 1,407
    I agree, tell him, you can tell him without hurting his feelings I am sure.... but rather you than me!

    I was lucky enough to chose my own, well shortlist, but during that process I made it very clear which one I wanted.... actually, I'll get a picture and add it as my profile pic.

    Good luck!
  • DenimgirlukDenimgirluk Posts: 104 New bride
    I don't have a picture of it. It was my avatar which has disappeared for some reason!

    I don't think i could bear to have it reset since i've had it for five years and for that reason alone it does mean a lot to me and the fact that he went out and chose it. Don't get me wrong it is a very prettty ring i just wouldn't have picked it and it's not me. Wearing it on other hand is also not an option. My right fingers are fatter than those on the left and it doesn't fit on my other fingers! Again the whole thing is that i really want a traditional weding ring and engagement ring that go together rather than just wearing a wedding ring.

    Thanks for all your comments - it has made me feel better to know that others have felt the same. I've been feeling really bad. You've all made me realise though that i need to speak up otherwise i'm going to end up with another ring i dislike that matches the existing one!

    I know it sounds dramatic but the rings are obviously a key part of the ceremony and the thought of him saying i give you this ring to symbolise our love etc and me thinking i hate it isn't exactly the start to marriage that you want! I'm kicking myself that i just didn't speak up five years ago. It would have been a lot bloody easier than waiting until six weeks before our wedding!

  • loweellieloweellie Posts: 1,196
    i think it would be sad to loose the meaning of the ring by chaging it. i got my h2b engegemnt ring. it was a surprise and i got his finger measurement wrong and so it only fits on his middle finger. i decided to get the exact same ring made in size smaller but when it came to it he couldn't bear to do it. He said he wanted to look at his finger and be able to see the ring i gave him and even though it would be identitcal it would never be the same. he was quite emotional about it and i was happy with that. he fiddles with it when we r parted and i do with mine. I think looking at soemthign that ur h2b choose and saved up for would mena so much more and i would hate for you to change it and hurt him and then regret it and with such short time do you really want him feeling hurt so close to the wedding day. i dont think u r bad for feeling this by the way, just trying to add another take on it. i went for a eternity ring as my weddign ring as it's full on glitz and sparkly like a enegement ring as i wanted that look, as my engement is more unique shape, vinatege ring and i wanted experience of something more traditional and they go together really well. my h2b is moving his engement ring over to the other hand as it will be on finger next to wedding ring otherwise and they will rub, as they r different metals. you could get the shank of the ring changed so it fits your other hand. or why not get your ring modifed at birmignham jewellery quarter. you could say its cos' of that its hard to get a ring to compliment it not cos' u dont like it. i hope it all works out for you. if u decided to tell him be so careful, i would hate to think my h2b felt like he couldn't and hadnt manged to get the ring right and that i was overriding his emotional investment into it.

    another thought move it over to other hand. get wedding ring you like and then get eternity ring year on (doesnt have to be when u have kids) that looks more like engement ring style you would have had and wear that with the wedding x
  • missdempstermissdempster Posts: 289
    I think putting it on another finger, maybe your middle finger next to your wedding ring, is the best option- that way you get the perfect wedding ring. If he save up for it, and then chose it himself, in your position i would wear it that way.

    My h2b chose my ring, and thought its what i would have chosen, i love it because he took the time to choose it, so that it would be a surprise.

    If you feel your h2b would deal well with being told, then tell him, but if its going to hurt him, you have to ask yourself if its worth it?

  • Moonfaery_87Moonfaery_87 Posts: 468
    I have a trilogy ring. It has 3 diamonds. one for the past, present, and future. I love it. Sure it's small and like 200 pounds but it has so much meaning to me. He was the one who picked it out. There was another one that I liked but something made me go for this one as it meant alot to him. It's a symbol of our love. and that's all that truly matters to me. It's a weird shape aswell. lol. But I don't care. It's the ring that will be on my finger on our wedding day and why would I change it? If you truly don't love it and feel no connection to it, then talk to your h2b about it. Without a doubt his feelings will be a hurt. I mean, he chose that ring for you but I'm sure he'll suck it up and get you whatever makes you happy.

    my ring:
  • DenimgirlukDenimgirluk Posts: 104 New bride
    Origin 79, Mrs Hughes and Moon Faery_87 i am so glad you all posted regarding my ring. You have confirmed what i think i knew deep down. I am glad that you have all made me think carefully and from a different point of view. A new ring would not have the same meaning. It isn't the ring i would have chosen but he chose it and that is very important. Mine is actually very similiar to yours Moonfaery except it has four diamonds that are arranged in a long diamond shape if that makes sense.

    I am going to stick with this ring and if that means i have to have a different wedding ring to what i'd have chosen then so be it. Compromise and making each other happy is what marriage is about. It would be wrong to upset my H2B needlessly.

    If i'm honest i think i've been having a few moments recently. The wedding is now less than six weeks away and i'm finding it all very stressful. I just want to do it now. I'm sick of being a bride. I just want to be a wife and begin our lives together!
  • Hi denim girl. I think you are doing the right thing. It is the meaning behind the ring. The engagement ring I have would have probably been different if i chose it myself but i love the fact my fiancee thought and chose it out himself. He saved hard for it and it is a token of his love and devotion. If you told him it could really upset him, it would upset me. I would move your engagement ring to another finger and have fun choosing your wedding bands together. Good luck with your wedding, i know what you mean i cant wait to be a wife now.
  • Moonfaery_87Moonfaery_87 Posts: 468
    Yay. I'm glad you decided to stick with it. No other ring would compare. Think of it this way, your h2b bought that ring thinking of you all the way. There is a reason why he chose that one for you. Sure it might not be your kind of style but it came from his heart. So, good for you on deciding to stay with it. I'm with you though, I'm so over this wedding crap. lol. I just want to start my life within. My own wedding is giving me a headache! lol. Congrats on getting married soon!
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