Help Help! I'm unhappy with my engagement ring!


I'm new on here and I joined because you all seem to have such good advice image I've been reading.

Anyway I need some advice regarding my engagement ring. It is a family heirloom, and was made by my H2B's great great grandfather many many years ago, so it is pretty special. It is yellow gold set with sapphires and diamonds. There are two problems: (1) I really dislike gold (2) the stones are very small and they don't really sparkle at all. People who notice the ring at all think it's a plain gold wedding band. I really feel like I'm missing out on the engagement ring sparkle. I hate to sound whiny, and I want so badly to love this ring, but it just doesn't feel like me. I've broached the subject of replacing the stones, but my fiance does NOT appreciate the idea of me tampering with this ring. What should I do? Should I try to get them re-cut despite their tiny size? I just don't know what to do. Any ideas?:\?


  • rosebery44rosebery44 Posts: 820
    oooh difficult one. Is it a big tradition that the ring is passed down like this?

    This is something that is so important, and you will wear it for the rest of your life. How about keeping it for 'special occasions' because it holds so much sentimental value, and then get another engagement ring that you both like?

    That way, the heirloom stays 'as is', gets worn every now and then, and you get the ring you really love.

    You sounds like a caring person who really doesn't want to hurt her h2b, but I'm sure you can find a happy compromise.

    Good luck x
  • clarekellclarekell Posts: 6,666

    Welcome to the site image And congrats on your engagement!

    When it comes to a family heirloom it's a sensitive situation.

    Have you taken the ring to be cleaned and polished? Could it just need a good clean?

    You may just need to give it time - you could learn to love it?!!

    If your fiancee does not like the idea of you tampering with the ring I guess the idea of having the stones reset is not an option either!

    If your h2b knows you are unhappy with the ring - would he consider buying you a secondary ring that you could wear on your engagement ring finger and you could wear this one on another finger or on a chain around your neck?

    Best I can come up with!

    Sorry x x x

  • Ooh tough one, do you think your h2b will be really offended that you don't like the ring? Maybe you could you wear the ring he has given you on your right hand or as an eternity type ring or even as the wedding band and choose an engagement ring that you like together??

    I do think the engagement ring is important and even more important that you actually like it! Some people don't care what they have and don't even wear an engagement ring at all but you don't sound like that kind of girl to me! Luckily my h2b asked my sisters which style I would like and they pointed him in the direction of Tiffany!! Hope this helps x x

  • My friend was in a similar situation. She made the compromise of wearing the family ring on the other hand and pursuaded H2B to buy her a ring more to her taste.
  • orchid28ukorchid28uk Posts: 401
    could you go for a sparkly wedding ring that is to your taste that may bring out the engagement ring better? Have the engagement ring professionally cleaned?

    Could you concentrate on the meaning of the ring, would that make you feel any better?

    Its certainly a tough one!

    Maybe once you're married, wear the engagement ring on your other hand and just wear your sparkly wedding ring?

    Good luck with it. Its hard when its a family heirloom!
  • pagettapagetta Posts: 398
    I agree with Orchid28 - the meaning of the ring is very important. Have it polished for sure, and spend money fixing any issues with it (eg broken claws etc) so that it is like new. And then go and get yourself a blinging wedding ring. My wedding ring is plain as i have a solitaire engagement ring, but if your engagement ring is more subtle you can afford to have some fun with your wedding rings - there are some beautiful ones out there!

    Also would i be right in assuming that it is quite a yellow gold? Yellow gold can look quite dated and isn't to everyone's taste, but that you've been given a family heirloom is a massive sentiment.

    I can uderstand your frustration but I can also understand your H2B not wanting to change it or get anything else. I guess marriage is all abot compromise - unfortunately for you that's happening v early on!!

  • Token_bug81Token_bug81 Posts: 266
    As other people have suggested I was going to say buy a wedding ring that you really like to go with it - there are some stunning ones out there.

    I was told by alot of older people that the wedding ring you always wear, but the engagement ring you usally take off - especially if it has a raised stone that gets caught on things. My mum rarely wears hers these days!

    Thats why I picked a wedding ring that would look great on it's own.
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