Ceremony regrets

Not too sure what I’m looking to achieve from posting this.. trying to be vague as don’t want anyone to find the thread.... it might just help to vent.

I am getting married next year and starting to really regret booking a large wedding. I have gone for the big ‘shbang’ bigger venue, lots of people (Some not so bothered about). 

I so wish I was having intimate wedding ceremony then larger evening and there’s not much I can do about it now without annoying people and politics.

Anyone else had this? 

Posts

  • I know how you feel. We arent having a huge wedding but i wish we were eloping, as i had always wanted to. 

    Is there any way you can invite less or have things already gone out? If things are now all done and sorted the best advice i can give is just dont even think about them.

    Focus on the things and moments you want with your future spouse for the day, and ignore everyone and everything else. 

  • OmRumOmRum Posts: 604 New bride

    Have you ever seen the episode of How I Met Your Mother where Lily and Marshall get married? They were unhappy with their ceremony, so they had a private intimate thing beforehand and then it didn't matter what happened in the big ceremony!

    I know that realistically, we can't afford as many ceremonies as we want, but it would be nice if we could have the perfect ceremony first and then the big ceremony that everyone else seems to want us to have!

    Be really open about your feelings with your partner and discuss the situation. Why did you go for the big shbang in the first place? Is it something you've felt for a while, or is it a phase? Can you realistically cut down on the ceremony and ask people to come to a reception instead? Have you sent your invitations yet, or just save the dates? How long have you got before the wedding and is it enough time to make changes? If you changed things, would you regret it? If you didn't, would you regret it in 5, 10, 50 years time?

  • MrsCToBeeMrsCToBee Posts: 2,454 New bride

    We aren't having a huge wedding (60-70ish day, a few more in the evening), especially bearing in mind I have a huge family - but considering I wanted to get married abroad with just us and our son - yes, I understand. 

    OH wanted a huge stately home wedding like all of his friends have had - this is our compromise. Slightly less people, getting married in a pub/restaurant so it's a bit more casual, and I stipulated that only people we know very well are invited to the ceremony and wedding breakfast - no random plus ones allowed!

    I recently crossed half the people off my evening list because I realized I wouldn't really care if they were there or not - I was just inviting them because I had space!

  • Sian91Sian91 Posts: 829 New bride

    As someone who's come out the other side...

    When planning I began to regret having a proper wedding and wished so much that it was just us going somewhere. However I loved the big day, seeing everyone so happy for us and enjoying ourselves. Like stood holding my fiancé's hand and seeing everyone looking at us smiling made me so happy. Some of my favourite moments are the few where I was looking at everyone who had come for us.

    We wrote personal vows and when we were doing that, it felt like only us in the room to me. 

    On the plus side- better for a confetti shot- more people more confetti, longer aisle to walk down, if you have any hymns or songs it won't be so obvious if people are mumbling.

     

     

  • MrsJ2017MrsJ2017 Posts: 3,017

    I had this, we actually cancelled our wedding because I was sick of everyone having their stupid opinions and tantrums, and I just didn’t care if people came or not.

    We tried to book a destination wedding but for various reasons it wouldn’t work. We looked at Gretna green but it wasn’t for me.

    In the end we just rebooked the “big” wedding because it was easiest. By big i mean we had 60odd to the day which was 30 more than necessary. The day was nice, but for me it wasn’t the way everyone makes it out to be amazing and magical and perfect. It was just a good day, with plenty of things I wish I could have done differently.

    If we didn’t have kids we would have just eloped and got married somewhere gorgeous and posted a pic to fb to announce. But we didn’t want to kids to miss out, and they did love the wedding, more than we did I think 😂

  • I know what you mean!! My fiancee and are keep talking about eloping but we've already booked the venue etc.  We've decided to get married in secret the week before and then have a humanist ceremony on the day itself - that way we get to 'elope' but also keep everyone else happy :)  

  • CoffeeDogAddict wrote (see post):

    I know how you feel. We arent having a huge wedding but i wish we were eloping, as i had always wanted to. 

    Is there any way you can invite less or have things already gone out? If things are now all done and sorted the best advice i can give is just dont even think about them.

    Focus on the things and moments you want with your future spouse for the day, and ignore everyone and everything else. 

    Sorry to hear you feel like this too. No probably not without  the whole politics thing starting. I have sent save the dates. Its the sort of situation where I cant really break up certain people but it will annoy some people I cherish the most and me.

    I really thought I wanted the huge wedding and I somewhat still do but in a comfortable manner, or I’d like to just run away and do it. 

    Will you be able to change yours? You have quite a bit of time to play with which is good!

  • OmRum wrote (see post):

    Have you ever seen the episode of How I Met Your Mother where Lily and Marshall get married? They were unhappy with their ceremony, so they had a private intimate thing beforehand and then it didn't matter what happened in the big ceremony!

    I know that realistically, we can't afford as many ceremonies as we want, but it would be nice if we could have the perfect ceremony first and then the big ceremony that everyone else seems to want us to have!

    Be really open about your feelings with your partner and discuss the situation. Why did you go for the big shbang in the first place? Is it something you've felt for a while, or is it a phase? Can you realistically cut down on the ceremony and ask people to come to a reception instead? Have you sent your invitations yet, or just save the dates? How long have you got before the wedding and is it enough time to make changes? If you changed things, would you regret it? If you didn't, would you regret it in 5, 10, 50 years time?

    Thanks for your advice. Yeah I have i love that programme... i wish we could afford that haha! Not got too long it’s early next year. It’s just so difficult to cut up people. I guess I thought the whole princess thing would be exactly what I wanted. I keep going up and down with it. I think I should have just thought about the most important people.

  • MrsCToBee wrote (see post):

    We aren't having a huge wedding (60-70ish day, a few more in the evening), especially bearing in mind I have a huge family - but considering I wanted to get married abroad with just us and our son - yes, I understand. 

    OH wanted a huge stately home wedding like all of his friends have had - this is our compromise. Slightly less people, getting married in a pub/restaurant so it's a bit more casual, and I stipulated that only people we know very well are invited to the ceremony and wedding breakfast - no random plus ones allowed!

    I recently crossed half the people off my evening list because I realized I wouldn't really care if they were there or not - I was just inviting them because I had space!

    Thanks for your response. That’s nice you could compromise... did you have to meet any minimum numbers to meet in the pub/restaurant?  I agree with no no random plus ones! when you’ve never met someone and it’s like hi stranger you are at one of the most important days of my life!

    Yeah I guess you have to think about... ’will we still be talking in 10 years’! Which is a bit difficult to judge!

  • Sian91 wrote (see post):

    As someone who's come out the other side...

    When planning I began to regret having a proper wedding and wished so much that it was just us going somewhere. However I loved the big day, seeing everyone so happy for us and enjoying ourselves. Like stood holding my fiancé's hand and seeing everyone looking at us smiling made me so happy. Some of my favourite moments are the few where I was looking at everyone who had come for us.

    We wrote personal vows and when we were doing that, it felt like only us in the room to me. 

    On the plus side- better for a confetti shot- more people more confetti, longer aisle to walk down, if you have any hymns or songs it won't be so obvious if people are mumbling.

     

     

    Congrats on your wedding! And thank you for giving Some plus points. Haha my favourite is the mumbling one, it’s true but did make me laugh! Sounds like you had a wonderful day!

  • MrsJ2017 wrote (see post):

    I had this, we actually cancelled our wedding because I was sick of everyone having their stupid opinions and tantrums, and I just didn’t care if people came or not.

    We tried to book a destination wedding but for various reasons it wouldn’t work. We looked at Gretna green but it wasn’t for me.

    In the end we just rebooked the “big” wedding because it was easiest. By big i mean we had 60odd to the day which was 30 more than necessary. The day was nice, but for me it wasn’t the way everyone makes it out to be amazing and magical and perfect. It was just a good day, with plenty of things I wish I could have done differently.

    If we didn’t have kids we would have just eloped and got married somewhere gorgeous and posted a pic to fb to announce. But we didn’t want to kids to miss out, and they did love the wedding, more than we did I think 😂

    Oh wow! It’s a lot more stressful than you would imagine isn’t it? Sorry to hear it didn’t feel how you would imagine... What sort of things do you wish you done differently? The whole type of wedding or?

  • bohobride0719 wrote (see post):

    I know what you mean!! My fiancee and are keep talking about eloping but we've already booked the venue etc.  We've decided to get married in secret the week before and then have a humanist ceremony on the day itself - that way we get to 'elope' but also keep everyone else happy :)  

     

    That’s such a nice idea.. where will you be wed the week before? Will you tell anyone?

  • Can someone also let me know how/if I can reply to multiple people in one message? 

  • MrsCToBeeMrsCToBee Posts: 2,454 New bride
    HeartsandFlowers wrote (see post):
    MrsCToBee wrote (see post):

    We aren't having a huge wedding (60-70ish day, a few more in the evening), especially bearing in mind I have a huge family - but considering I wanted to get married abroad with just us and our son - yes, I understand. 

    OH wanted a huge stately home wedding like all of his friends have had - this is our compromise. Slightly less people, getting married in a pub/restaurant so it's a bit more casual, and I stipulated that only people we know very well are invited to the ceremony and wedding breakfast - no random plus ones allowed!

    I recently crossed half the people off my evening list because I realized I wouldn't really care if they were there or not - I was just inviting them because I had space!

    Thanks for your response. That’s nice you could compromise... did you have to meet any minimum numbers to meet in the pub/restaurant?  I agree with no no random plus ones! when you’ve never met someone and it’s like hi stranger you are at one of the most important days of my life!

    Yeah I guess you have to think about... ’will we still be talking in 10 years’! Which is a bit difficult to judge!

    We are getting married August bank holiday Sunday, so we have to pay for a minimum of 70 people (but we don't actually have to have 70 people there!) - but non bank holiday weekends they are really flexible. They only do weddings on Sundays though. They do a basic package for 50 people, or you can have less and they will do you a quote. They don't charge venue hire either and their prices are the same every Sunday of the year.

    To give you an idea - for 70 people, ceremony, canapes and welcome drinks, 3 course wedding breakfast with wine, toast drinks, evening BBQ & DJ it's coming to around £5k - if we had done a non bank holiday and were strict on numbers, done without canapes etc. we could have done it for £3k.

    As a bonus, you get 4 options for each course of the wedding breakfast, and it was really important to us that everyone didn't have to eat the same meal as we have some very fussy eaters in our families.

    I know the managers and they are so accommodating. No idea what area you are in -but they have billions of 5* reviews on Hitched and I have held several family parties there before, plus my best friend had her reception there, so I'm pretty confident in recommending them!

    https://www.hitched.co.uk/wedding-venues/the-barn_5596.htm

     

     

  • MrsCToBeeMrsCToBee Posts: 2,454 New bride
    HeartsandFlowers wrote (see post):

    Can someone also let me know how/if I can reply to multiple people in one message? 

    I don't think you can.

  • MrsCToBee wrote (see post):
    HeartsandFlowers wrote (see post):
    MrsCToBee wrote (see post):

    We aren't having a huge wedding (60-70ish day, a few more in the evening), especially bearing in mind I have a huge family - but considering I wanted to get married abroad with just us and our son - yes, I understand. 

    OH wanted a huge stately home wedding like all of his friends have had - this is our compromise. Slightly less people, getting married in a pub/restaurant so it's a bit more casual, and I stipulated that only people we know very well are invited to the ceremony and wedding breakfast - no random plus ones allowed!

    I recently crossed half the people off my evening list because I realized I wouldn't really care if they were there or not - I was just inviting them because I had space!

    Thanks for your response. That’s nice you could compromise... did you have to meet any minimum numbers to meet in the pub/restaurant?  I agree with no no random plus ones! when you’ve never met someone and it’s like hi stranger you are at one of the most important days of my life!

    Yeah I guess you have to think about... ’will we still be talking in 10 years’! Which is a bit difficult to judge!

    We are getting married August bank holiday Sunday, so we have to pay for a minimum of 70 people (but we don't actually have to have 70 people there!) - but non bank holiday weekends they are really flexible. They only do weddings on Sundays though. They do a basic package for 50 people, or you can have less and they will do you a quote. They don't charge venue hire either and their prices are the same every Sunday of the year.

    To give you an idea - for 70 people, ceremony, canapes and welcome drinks, 3 course wedding breakfast with wine, toast drinks, evening BBQ & DJ it's coming to around £5k - if we had done a non bank holiday and were strict on numbers, done without canapes etc. we could have done it for £3k.

    As a bonus, you get 4 options for each course of the wedding breakfast, and it was really important to us that everyone didn't have to eat the same meal as we have some very fussy eaters in our families.

    I know the managers and they are so accommodating. No idea what area you are in -but they have billions of 5* reviews on Hitched and I have held several family parties there before, plus my best friend had her reception there, so I'm pretty confident in recommending them!

    https://www.barn-pub-rest.co.uk/

    https://www.hitched.co.uk/wedding-venues/the-barn_5596.htm

     

     

    That’s so lovely and what a great deal you’ve got. I’ve just got on the site and seen the pictures how gorgeous! You’ll have such a nice day.

    Unfortunatley I’m so far in I can’t change my venue now. Wish I just ran away abroad.

  • HeartsandFlowers wrote (see post):
    bohobride0719 wrote (see post):

    I know what you mean!! My fiancee and are keep talking about eloping but we've already booked the venue etc.  We've decided to get married in secret the week before and then have a humanist ceremony on the day itself - that way we get to 'elope' but also keep everyone else happy :)  

     

    That’s such a nice idea.. where will you be wed the week before? Will you tell anyone?

     

    We're heading to Brighton the week before (as its a place special to us - where H2B and I became 'official').  We're not sure yet whether we'll be telling anyone - family will probably have opinions on this and I don't really want to hear them ;)   

     

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