Thinking of Cancelling our wedding - Urgent Advice Needed!!!

Girls, I need some much needed advice. H2B and I are due to get married in May, this year. However, there's been a few problems in the last few months. I always knew that he enjoyed a beer or two but in the last 12 months it's got out of hand. Don't get me wrong he doesn't get nasty but i've started to worry, a lot. Infact, we went to the doctors last week and he finally admitted he had a big problem. He had a really bad time when growing up and his father has had a drink problem. I still love him to bits and he's been referred for councelling. Do you think we should still go ahead with the wedding?



Also, 20 people have already booked to come with us to Greece and the thought of telling everyone that it's off fills me with dread. I do want to marry him but I don't know what to do for the best. He says he loves me and still wants us to get married.



Any advice?



Claire x

Posts

  • Hi Claire,



    Thought I should reply to you as you're obviously looking for some support-so I'll do my best!

    Firstly it's great that your H2B has admited to having a problem-this is a good start as there is a goal now that he can work towards. He clearly needs to talk to someone through counselling, as his father's actions have affected him in a serious way. Of course as his W2B you are there to listen to and support him, but nothing works better than an impartial listener who can help work things through with him and get to the route of his drinking. DEFINATELY pursue this help either through your doctor or a counseller direct.



    If I were in your shoes, I would know exactly what the "best thing to do" would be, which is probably to postpone the wedding and sort through the issue-getting married isn't going to suddenly make these problems disappear. Alcohol will be readily available on the day too and I'm sure you'll be worrying about your H2B.

    However, knowing me, and knowing that everyone has already booked I would want to go ahead regardless and instead vow to get thing sorted once back from honeymoon.



    You have 3 and a bit months to get the ball rolling together, so go ahead with the wedding and use it as a reward for the both of you for starting to working to resolve his problem. It won't be an easy journey, but imagine how much he could achieve in the next few months if he really puts his mind to it.



    I hope this has in some way helped make things a little clearer for you and I wish you all the happiness in the world.



    Tiff X
  • Not sure I agree with Tiff or not.......

    Not that I would wish influencing you to canx the wedding, me personally I wouldn't get involved with anybody who may have issues with alcohol.



    I grew up with an alcoholic father and suffered the consequences for 30 years.Not abuse just nastiness and mentally torture.

    We could never have anybody to sleep over as kids do cos I never knew what state he was going to be in.

    If I admit it both my sister and I suffered mentally because of him to the extent where I do not drink alcohol at all, I have only been drunk once in my life and I was 23 at the time. I am 40 now.

    I can't let myself go if that makes sense because at the end of the day I do not want to end up like my father. I'm getting married for the 2nd time in 9 weeks time. First time round I did it abroad because I was embarrassed by my father and 2nd time round I'm doing it abroad as well. Neither time will I be having a reception because of him. He has missed out on so much because of alcohol.



    My mother has stayed with my father throughout this time and I can't say its a happy marriage they have had seperate rooms since 1984 when both me and my sister eventually moved out. She hasn't the finances to leave him and in their day it WAS for better or worse!



    All I'm saying is it maybe the easier option to go through with the wedding but think of the future consequences I'm well screwed up about alcohol. My father had to retire early due to drink (he is 63) and since then has suffered numerous health issues - failing liver/kidneys, diabetes due to drink blah blah blah. My dad has NEVER admitted he has a problem and has practically drunk my mother bankrupt.



    I realise its a totally different situation than what you find yourself in and maybe it will be ok for you ( I certainly hope so) but I think you really need to go into this with your eyes wide open. Perhaps the 3.5 months is enough to turn it around, it would depend on how long he has been drinking. It is good he has admitted it - but is it just lip service because he was under pressure to admit it?



    I think at the end of the day the decision is ultimately yours. You need the support of your family, whilst I don't doubt you love him dearly just don't think you can change him. Remember its a disease and if/when he comes through this he will always have issues with alcohol and regress back again in the future.



    Sorry to be full of doom and gloom I think I probably need counselling for my issues!

    God just read this back it sounds bad but I'm gonna post it anyway!

    Take care

    amanda

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