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Family saying they're not coming!! Should I still book?

I'm so confused. Have been dreaming of my perfect abroad wedding for a while, before we even got engaged we always said we wanted to do it abroad.

I've been so excited this month, eagerly waiting for the brochures for next summer to come out, which they slowly are now!! Now some of h2bs family have said they're not coming and they dont even know where we're going yet or how much it will be!! image

I'm now panicking my family will do the same, or say they cant afford it.

Do i go ahead and risk being let down or ask people before i book? :\?



  • ladyinpink, it is your wedding day, you must do whatever feels right to you, if that means a romantic wedding abroad for just 2 and a party when you return then that is fine, the family loses out not you. you only do it once, please don't let others spoil your moment, it is better that they regret not going, than you regret not doing it. (hope that is helpful and not selfish) good luck anyway, i will be thinking of you

  • Hi Ladyinpink,

    I can sympathise with you completely. My family are sooooo excited about our wedding abroad, but MIL2B is kicking up a fuss, saying that we're selfish for expecting her to fly "all that way", "what will people think".... bla bla bla.

    At the moment, we're sort of in limbo, too. I can't book a venue until I'm out there in October anyway, so we're hoping that she will have calmed down by then - this may well be the case for you, too.

    H2B is being ruthless and plans to tell her that if she doesn't come abroad, we'll get married just the two of us somewhere and then there will be no wedding at all. I think that when you put it like that, and people realise that you are not going to go along with their plans and that they might miss out on their son/daughter's big day, they will soon change their attitude.

    What IS wrong with people? I really don't understand - when money is not a problem, which it certainly isn't in my MIL2B's case - what is so AWFUL and TRAUMATIC about being "forced" to fly to somewhere lovely and sunny and turn a great holiday into an even more special occasion by having a beautiful, romantic wedding!

  • BooWantsBabyBooWantsBaby Posts: 1,738
    Hiya, LadyInPink..

    Don't worry too much you have to remember this is your big day, and you should do it the way you like. Try and not let others sway your decision. Sit down with your h2b and discuss what is going to be best for you both.

    My h2b's family aren't poor but just tight arses, so they were never going to come. Instead he has loads of friends and a cousin attending.. He knows his family, and has been happy with how the arrangement is going to be.

    My sister has just found out she is pregnant at only 17years old, so my mum doesn't think she can afford to attend now that she will have a baby in the house along with my 7yr old sister. Plus she would have to pay for them all to attend, and I would prefer her to support my sister, so she won't be attending unless so gets a last minute deal next year for just herself and the 7yr old.

    It's just the way things are going.. but we are still planning on going next year with whoever decides to attend..! Our brochure is out tomorrow image and i am sooo excited!! Booking the wedding/holiday in mid May, and can't wait - so try not to let other people situations make you feel bad..

    How about having a reception on return, if you can afford it!? Try local hotels, go to a restaurant, have a BBQ in your garden....

    We can't afford to have a reception immediately after we get back, but when we have a baby (hopefully get pregnant soon after the wedding) we plan to have a massive reception/christening celebration at the Grand Hotel with all the trimings..

    I'm sure everything will work out well... just follow your heart! xx ;\)

  • becktorrbecktorr Posts: 711
    Hi, i think you should chat to h2b, if he is not too upset that his family aren't coming, you should go ahead with it!

    We decided before we booked that as long as our mum's were there, we had to appreciate that others might no afford it. fortunately we've got quite a few coming (apart from mine and h2b's dads) but we're jus grateful to all those who are coming!

    goodm luck, keep smiling!
  • Hi girls

    I had the same moral dilema myself and its taken me till now (29) to have the courage to book my wedding abroad even though we have wanted to get married for 7 years!!! It will never be easy and believe me its not but you have to decide what is best for your new family (you and h2b) and what you both want to do.

    I am getting married in Barbados with h2b and my son (aged 10) The only people attending our wedding is my best friend, her hubbie and daughter (4) and another couple who are good friends of ours.

    We've had all of the negative comments from family and other friends. Top 3 are:

    1. "could you have gone any further away?"

    2. "we'll go when we win the lottery"

    3. "I got married in the local registry office and that was good enough for me!"image

    The thing is I've been with h2b since I was 14 yrs old and we've lived together since our son was born at 19 yrs old. We have been throught lots of ups and downs and have always wanted to get married but never been able to. We are now both in a position to pay for our wedding, the way we want it and we are both very happy.

    Booked it in Feb and parents/brothers/ sisters and friends are all fine with it now. I have booked an evening reception at a local hall when we get back so everyone can come then and they are all happy.

    Overall, go with what you want and when they see that you are happy then they will be too. Don't feel guilty or selfish because its the one time you are allowed to be a diva!!! Try not to worry about it.



  • I would do what YOU want to do after all you are getting married NOT them. I am lucky in a way, as most have my cousins have had v. small weddings (just parents) or weddings abroad, or in one case, they didn't tell parents they were getting maried until they WERE married.

    h2b and I decided to get married abroad and just booked it. My parents asked if we wanted anyone to attend, and I said they were more than welcome. My parents are coming, but that is all. h2b parent and step parent not keen and they are not coming, haven't said much about wedding, and quite frankly I don't care!

    That might sound quite mean, but we are not religious, and cannot afford a wedding in a posh hotel.

    I have always said that we would get married abroad, and we have been engaged for 8 years, so they have had plenty of time to get used to it.,

    My mum and dad think big weddings are a waste of money(!) and they are all for us getting married.

    Do what makes you and your h2b happy.
  • sarahharveysarahharvey Posts: 707
    Thanks, i was up unitl 2.30am last night worrying! I think you're all right, i need to still do what i want rather than try and please everyone else.

    Ooooh brochures are all out now i think so it's gonna be another late night........

  • LissysmommyLissysmommy Posts: 733
    Hi lady in pink,

    Sorry to hear that. We are only having 10 of us altogether coming out for our wedding. All we wanted was close family and friends. We are hvaing a meal for people when we get back.

    I think you need to do what is best for you and H2B. You need to talk to him and decide what you both want.

    I hope you make a decision.

    Kelly xx
  • Poor you ladyinpink

    It's an awful thing that the families are making life hard for you at the moment!

    Follow your heart, if it's a abroad wedding you both really want then sit down together and decide on a country at least then you can say to the family we are getting married in......

    It's not all about the amount of people that goes with you, as long as you are there with your h2b, if the family really wants to see you married they will be there.

    We are going to Cuba in August with just my sister, her hubbie and our 2 children.

    We decided on the 16th November that we wanted to get married in Cuba as we went to this hotel in 2005 and was amazed at the whole thing, we went to another wedding there which was wonderful, they were treated like royalty and just everything about the place was amazing!! So we decided to go ahead and book it on the same day. we had an arrangement with Thomas cook that we would find out within 3 days if more people were to be added to the party.

    We told all of our family and friends but apart from Sis and bruv in law, nobody else were able to come as at £1584 per person it was a lot of money to find and the total had to be paid by 6th May giving people 6 months to find the money.

    At first H2b and I were dissapointed but then we thought as long as we are there with our kids, my sis n bruv in law who we are really close to, that's all we need.

    We are having a party on our return for 250 guests and people who aren't able to come are looking forward to coming to the reception. We are treating the reception as another wedding day with us wearing our wedding attire, we are having a cake and a 1st (Well 2nd) dance, we will have table favours and Cuban cigars for the men. So for others it will be like being there on our wdding day.

    Only 105 days to go!!

    Good luck and I hope it all works out ok for you both, sorry for the long post, I got a bit carried away there!

    x cb x
  • Oh poop I just had a thought, They won't be able to smoke the cigars at the venue after the 1st july will they, oh well they will have to save them he he!!

  • sarahharveysarahharvey Posts: 707
    ha ha good point!! Well they'll have to sneak outside and smoke them!! xx
  • Hey ladies

    I have so had the same problem as you. H2B and i have been together 7years this year and engaged for over a year now!!! since we got engaged we told all family and friends our plans to get married abroad and were met with the same negativity. Especially from our parents!!! I think they just assume you will do what they missed out on doing (both our parents had relatively low budgets so got married in registry office - very nice nothing wrong with it) My parents expected big white wedding and yes sounds very lovely, but no way are we going to but ourselves into debt for one day. Plus now we have decided to get married in sri lanka the photos will be amazing and so very romantic!!! I cant wait, next month we can put our deposit down as we have now decided that we want to stay in the saman villas in bentota sri lanka and then travel to maldives the day after. My mum is the first to bring in obstacles saying she wont be able to get time off work in feburary (she works in a school). So although it breaks my heart we have just had to be ruthless and say we want to get married abroad and will do it with or without them. As a compromise tho, I have arranged for both families to meet and discuss where we are getting married and where we shall have the reception when we get home. I have armed myself with all wedding brochures and possible venues and going to cunningly get them to make the same decision as us, as i am sure when they see what we can get and have theyll agree it is the best!!! plus found some wedding footage on google and you tube of people getting married and doing exactly the same as us, so proof that it looks fantastic!!!


    just need to be as stubborn as they are that all, plus its your day!!! a day to be remembered and cherished for all the right reasons!!!

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