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Dissappointed turnout at DW anyone?

So the whole idea of a DW was for us to have a small affair. Just our parents, siblings and close friends and our 3 little darlings. Of course we knew some people wouldnt be able to come. our closest friends have recently had their 4 th baby, h2b father is sadly now unable to fly and our other closest friends have split up after groom cancelled their wedding!  And some simply cant afford to which i completely understand. 18 going to date and we're really happy and grateful to those who are making an effort in fact its been quite a pleasant surprise. The ones that are coming showed such an immediate interest that i have to say its made us re-evaluate who are important to us. Amongst those who are NOT coming is one of my brothers and my h2b sister!! Needless to say i feel a bit annoyed about it. His sister wont go cos she wont leave her boyfriend behind, she's 19 and he's had an invite too plus we were paying for her. My brother proclaims he has no money yet with 14 weeks til my wedding they're off to tenerife. We had a falling out last year, his wifes doing, we didnt speak for a while and they stopped me and my mum seeing the kids. We're ok now well so i thought until he made it quite clear he wouldnt be going. Thing is i feel like he's stabbed me in the back, my other brother got married 3 years ago in italy and he made the effort to go albeit on his own. Yet he cant come to mine, he says his MIL is paying for them to go to tenerife even so i feel he should stand up and say no or ask his MIL to pay for them to go to rhodes for his only sisters wedding!! Am i being unreasonable? 

Has anyone else had the same problem and felt dissppointed with the turnout and wished they'd done it at home?

Posts

  • Debs270613Debs270613 Posts: 225

    Not had same reasons but h2b brother cannot come with us due to work commitments and a change in circumstance meant that his two sisters cannot come either. We have paid for his mum ( but since they have all clubbed together so she can go). One of my brothers isn't coming but they will all be at the reception. It's sad but talking over with h2b, it's our day and we both felt strongly against getting married here.

    so far there are 10-12 people coming out with us which is more than we ever thought

  • gill1980gill1980 Posts: 44

    I think it's really hard as it's obviously such a big, important day; but I wouldn't row with anyone for not coming.

    We have invited parents (we only have 1 parent each), his siblings (mine is scared of flying) and 4 of our best friends. If any single one of them decided not to come I'd be disappointed as they really are our nearest and dearest, but I'd just accept it and not kick up a fuss.

    I don't want our wedding, or the holiday as a whole, to have any negative feelings associated with it. I think you just have to take it on the chin otherwise you risk a big family fallout. It would be lovely if everyone could come, but I don't think you can expect people to if its abroad.

  • heliganedenheliganeden Posts: 1,848

    We made a pact when we started planning our wedding abroad that we would have to accept that not everyone would come, and that was our decision when we decided to book the wedding

    I don't think you can expect people to definitely fly out for a wedding, and I understand it's disappointing but I think it's unreasonable to be openly upset with people for not coming. No matter what other holidays they've booked, it's their holiday and their money and ultimately it's up to them how they spend their time & money

    Be happy for the people who are able to come, and concentrate on the positive rather than the negative image

  • heliganedenheliganeden Posts: 1,848
    bride-at-last wrote (see)

     Thing is i feel like he's stabbed me in the back, my other brother got married 3 years ago in italy and he made the effort to go albeit on his own. Yet he cant come to mine, he says his MIL is paying for them to go to tenerife even so i feel he should stand up and say no or ask his MIL to pay for them to go to rhodes for his only sisters wedding!! Am i being unreasonable? 

    Yes, sorry but I think you are, it would be crazy for him to make that request, it's his MILs money and her choice to offer them a holiday, I think it would make him sound very ungrateful to her if he asked that

    Times change and unfortuantely just because he had the money for a wedding abroad 3 years ago it doesn't mean he'll automatically have it now, I know you're upset but don't make this isn't a big fall out, because it would be such a shame to put a dark cloud over what should be such a happy occasion

  • Debs, we felt strongly about not getting married at home too, we'd have it no other way and like i said im so thrilled to have 18 wonderful guests to join us. 

    Italybride your right i know i wont feel as stressed on the day with just a select few, one of the reasons we're going abroad.

    Like i said my brothers saying his mother in law is paying for it but theres no doubt in my mind she's not. Many of our friends havent got the cash and i completely understand, we've got 3 kids and had many days where we couldnt rub two pennies together, its just i know its an excuse. I would never do that to him, and the proof is when we went to my other brothers wedding, my h2b had a serious accident shortly before and was out of work and we made a huge effort to go we saved for months but we did it cos there was no question in my mind that i wouldnt be at my brothers wedding.

    I guess it comes down to we dont all think the same and are not all willing to put ourselves out. 

     

  • heliganedenheliganeden Posts: 1,848

    What makes you think he's lying?

  • Good question heliganeden...because him and his wife are terrible at remembering the lies they tell!!

    They have plenty of money and even if they didn't me and my parents have offered to lend him some, anyway it's not about they money it's the excuses and lies. They've never been abroad as a family in the whole 10 years they've been together. My wedding was booked last August and I feel like im being made a fool of and neither of them could care less.  

    Alot has gone on over the years and ive been one very forgiving sister. I couldn't do what they're doing, to my siblings or my h2b siblings.  h2b don't care that his sisters not going he says if she don't care why should he. I guess women are more emotional than men.

    his wifes a nasty piece of work If you knew her you'd realize this was purely out of spite. Maybe I should start thinking like my h2b haha

    ta for all your advice

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