Heartbroken - Cyprus Wedding - Would you miss your childs wedding?

I just feel so fed up and defeated.

My partner and I of 8 years are having a small intimate ceremony in Cyprus next year with around 25 - 30 guests.

We've booked a villa to hold the ceremony at where some of the guests will be staying with us for the week as well. These guests are those that cannot really afford flights, hotel and spending money so we have offered them the rooms. They also happen to be - MOH, the officiator (my brother in law) MOTG, sister in law, my younger brother and my flower girl, so that a lot of the people staying in the house are part of the wedding party and will help out setting up etc on the day. 

But, there is one person who has told me they are likely to not be attending. My mum.
She says its because her, her husband and son do not have the money as it will cost approx £1000 for flights, accommodation and spending money. The wedding is 11 months away, if they put away £100 a month they could afford it. They also do have quite a lot of money, my stepdad just inherited a large amount from his mum, he also works in a well paid job and have just sold their house in France.
Money is not the reason but seems to be their excuse.

 

My mum is scared of flying, but Cyprus is 4 hours away and not that long a time to travel and she has flown recently for a holiday in France.

My mum also doesn't like Foreign places she hasn't been to or knows little about. As far as I'm concerned - she'll be there with family and can Google to her hearts content information on Cyprus.

 

So, after all of the excuses I have heard (the money being the one she keeps putting out there) I cannot find a single logical reason as to why she may not be able to attend.
So, to put it simply... she just doesn't want to go.

I mean, how can your mum (who you're supposedly close to) not want to go to your wedding?

If it were my daughter, I would move moon and Earth to attend. Even if she really didnt have the money, she could find a way, she has enough time. Even if she was a little scared of flying, she should want to get through it for me, and even if she didnt like foreign places she would find a way to be comfortable.

It just hurts.

I have very little family left and so now, without their attendance, out of the 25 people going, 4 are on my side.

So, can anyone else think of a reason as to why she wouldn't go? Because I have stretched every possibility and cannot figure it out.

and would any of you ever not attend your childs wedding?

 

How do I deal with this?

Posts

  • Maybe they are not as financially sound as you think.  Maybe they had debts and the inheritance went on clearing that?  There are many possible scenarios we could guess at, but ultimately it is between you and your mum.  You need to have it out with her, tell her that you are hurt and that you need a better explanation x

  • Laura Grace wrote (see post):

    Maybe they are not as financially sound as you think.  

     

    I doubt it, she recently told me about the £8k kitchen they are going to put in at their new house.

    As I said, it really isn't anything to do with money.

    Thank you for your advice though, I don't know if I can even bring myself to talk to her at the moment though.

     

  • aww Hun, I hope you are ok. not a nice situation to be in. Is there anyway that your mum can just come on her own without your stepdad? She could travel with you and H2b there and back so she doesn't have to travel alone. Not ideal but you are her daughter after all. Have you told her how this has is making you feel?

    hope it all works out for you.

    xxx

  • Did you invite them to stay at the villa?  I would be really hurt in her case if the MOTG was staying and I was not.

  • Hey Crystal, I hope you don't think I'm being harsh, I'm just trying to get inside her head.  

    I really don't think it's the money and if she's flown for a holiday before then surely she can for her daughter's wedding, so think, is there any possibility it's due to the choices you both have made regarding the villa?  

    Both me (upcoming) and my sister (2013) booked venues with space for family accommodation so I understand that it is a bit of a minefield. 

  • The user and all related content has been deleted.
  • VicNVicN Posts: 1,352

    I think you should speak to her even if it causes you to get upset. I think maybe she needs to see that, how much her decision is affecting you x

  • Did she seem OK about it being abroad to start with, before you booked it? And backed out later? Or did you decide on (and book) an overseas wedding without getting a firm opinion from her? I just wonder if the real reason is that she's a bit miffed about it being abroad (for whatever reason, flights, faff, complexity, foreign-ness etc - could be anything!) and thinks maybe you didn't give her a say - and this is her way of showing she's not happy about the decision you made. I'm not saying that's right or wrong (currently having some parental wedding issues of my own!) but I just wonder if she is generally unimpressed about it being overseas and doesn't really know how to express that . . . I do hope it works out for you, and as everyone else has said, I think the only way to fix it is to talk - if she's the kind of person who will do that x

  • Hi everyone,

     

    Thanks for the messages and advice.

    I am having a pretty hard time with, first I was upset now I just feel really angry about it.

    I understand what some of you have said about it may be because they dont have room in the villa, but they earn enough money to afford somewhere themselves and those that are in the villa dont. If i gave them a space I would have to kick someone out who couldnt come at all.

    My MIL has a lot of health problems, so we want her to be staying at the villa so she is in close proximity to her room and stuff if need be, which is the only reason why otherwise i wouldnt have allowed it.

    She was fine with it being abroad when we originally planned it for France (somewhere she loves) but now that it is in Cyprus that's all changed.

    It's not just going to the wedding though, I've invited her 5 times to come and try on dresses with me and every time she has said no.

    It's not anything to do with her views on my relationship with my OH, we've been together for almost 8 years and I know she loves him.

    My dad and my brother are already not coming (because of past things not related) and now my mum isn't coming which means my stepdad and half brother wont be going either.

    I have no family attending, literally 2 people.

    :(

    So, I have devised a plan.
    I have booked a villa for my mum, stepdad and half brother just around the corner from me. 
    It is paid on arrival (which I'll do if they come) and can be cancelled till next August.
    So I'm going to tell them that, and then their 'money' excuse won't be valid at that point.

    So, as soon as I can find the will to talk to her.. that is my intention

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