Forum home Weddings abroad

Help convincing parents.

This is my first post, but idesperately looking for help. 

Me and my fiancé (both 23) are hopefully having a wedding ceremony in France. We will do all paper work to be 'married' in UK before we go, but wont count that as a wedding day. We will celerbrate the French wedding as our wedding day. Only problem is my dad isn't too happy, his first thought when I said what we were planning was 'oh I don't have any holidays from work, i'm booking up for America'. Because my dad has basically said he won't be there, my mum is being very silent about the subject.  We have a child together and have been engaged for a while, so I know it's not the fact that he's shocked or anything.. 

So my question is, how the heck do I convince them to come and celebrate our wedding with us? 

Posts

  • Lauren147Lauren147 Posts: 185

    Can I ask when you are getting married this year or next year? and also when did you set your date. 

    Its a hard one I think as if your Dad has already used all of his annual leave for this year and booked everything then he might not be able to come. (not many people are able to take unpaid leave). 

    If he booked America knowing that you were getting married then this is really bad and I wouldn't be happy. 

    When are you getting married? if its on a weekend could he take just a Friday off and have a long weekend rather than a week. 

    Sorry there seem to be more questions than answers here

  • Hey, thanks for your reply! 

    We are getting married next May, so it's over a year away and he hasn't even booked america yet. Saying that, this is the first i've heard of them going away and we are a pretty close family so I would have thought it should have been mentioned by now..

    We are getting married on a Saturday, but only 3 flights a week to the area. so at most people would have to take 2 days off work, Thursday and Friday. This was a big priority when we picked the day as we understand not everyone can get a full week off. 

    We only set the date a few weeks ago, but have talked about France in the past few months.. 

     

  • GillP2GillP2 Posts: 332

    Hey, 

    Although I can imagine this is upsetting for you, you need to remember that by choosing to go abroad you do take the risk that some people will not want to or be able to attend, unfortunately that's part and parcel of having a destination wedding. 

    Im speaking from experience as it was a risk we took when we booked abroad, and my sister and nieces won't be coming. 

    You have given a good amount of notice but you're esentially saying to people next year, your holiday will be in France. It is a lot to ask of people but if your heart is in the wedding in France then you have to speak with your parents and try to understand why they are presenting these obstacles xx

  • Margaret34Margaret34 Posts: 84 New bride

    I was going to reply to this when I first saw it but I was so angry for you I thought I should calm down first, but reading it again I'm still angry!  This is YOUR WEDDING!!  I can understand maybe distant relatives not wanting to make the effort to go abroad, but your dad??  I would be absolutely livid if it was me, he should be prepared to go wherever you need him to go.  Have you spoken to him about it and told him how upset you are?  

    We are doing something similar next year, getting married in Scotland the having a celebration the following weekend in France, most guests will be staying a few days but my immediate family and bridal party are staying for a week.  I would be absolutely devastated if my dad said he couldn't come because he had already booked a  holiday.

    im sorry I'm not really giving you any help with your problem but you need to find out what his problem is with the situation and he needs to realise walking his daughter down the aisle is something he doesnt want to miss out on.

    i truly hope you get this sorted and have your special day the way you want it 😊

  • Mrs_BadgerMrs_Badger Posts: 1,441 New bride

    Can you not have an intimate small wedding here and then do the wedding in France anyway? That way you give everyone a chance to attend.

  • Lauren147Lauren147 Posts: 185

    Also you would think people could spare 2 days annual leave! they would have to take that if you got married on a week day at home!

    Again sorry there is not much advice but I don't think you are being unreasonable. 

  • MrsStobe4MrsStobe4 Posts: 282

    Is it more of a celebration/blessing in France rather than a wedding? I'm only asking as my cousin wanted to get married in France but she was told they would have to be residents in France for at least 6 months for the wedding to be legal, so if you're doing the legal but over here, surely it's more important for your dad to be at the actual wedding rather than the 'party'.

    It is a tough one though. As others have said, it is a risk you take when going abroad, the same really as week day weddings, some people just can't get the time off.

    I do think your dad is being unreasonable to some extent, but conversely we can't expect others to get excited about our wedding day and change all of their plans for us, regardless of who they are (I figured this out the hard way with my mother) so I do see his point too, especially if he is going to be at the ceremony that means something legally.

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