How can i tell my friend im getting married at her venue?

Hey guys im just starting out in the process of organising my wedding.

My friend of 20 yrs got married a year ago in Aruba, i was asked to attend but at the time it wasnt financially doable so i attended her reception in the uk. Iv been waiting a long time to get married but we have never been able to afford a uk wedding due to the sheer expense of it plus we both have huge families (guest cutting would be a big no no).

I was never interested in marrying abroad but my h2b has suggested it loads of times (more affordable/amazing pics/built in honeymoon/small and intimate ect...) but when i saw my friends pictures i fell in love with the idea and we can afford it too.

The only problem is iv fell in love with aruba, it ticks all our boxes plus the best deal (cheapest deal) just happens to be a the same resort she chose 😣. Its a complex consisting of 2 sister hotels and the better deal is at the sister hotel to the one she picked but its all under the same named resort. I cant afford any of the others as its over the budget.

How do i tell her? Iv no idea wether she will be pissed and think im deliberatly copying her or if she will be flattered and excited about going back (she will be on the guest list). Were not marrying inside the hotel like she did but on the beach and its not the same hotel. Plus by the time we have got the money together her wedding will have been just under 3 years ago.

Were doing it regardless as its what we want but im afraid of the reaction as she can sometimes see any similarities as deliberate, for example if someone at a party turns up in the same dress as her. She went ballastic as her cousin ended up choosing wedding flowers quite similar to hers 😮

How do i break it to her? Has anyone else had to have the same conversation or how you felt if its happened ti you? 

Thanks fellow brides xxx


  • Rach371Rach371 Posts: 1,122 New bride

    Ah that is a tricky one! without knowing how she'd react, my approach would be something along the lines of...

    we were so upset that we couldn't make it to yours and when we saw the pictures we also fell in love with Aruba. There is such a fantastic deal and we couldn't help but book it. We hope you aren't offended, if anything you should take it as a compliment because your wedding looked completely perfect. 

    Plus I'd emphasis the fact that she will be able to relive happy memories with her husband!

    Good luck, it's a tricky one but ultimately just because she got married there, it doesn't mean she has exclusive rights to it. 

    Make sure you let us know how it goes!x

  • bella2015bella2015 Posts: 1,903 New bride

    I think your friend will be fine about it. It wouldn't bother me in the slightest, your weddings will be years apart. Just tell her, I'm pretty sure she won't even give it a second thought. 

  • FrouFrouFrouFrou Posts: 4

    Thanks for your reply rachel371

    Yeah its tricky as it could go either way couldnt it? Everyone else is so excited but its the worrying about her reaction thats doing my head in lol, i keep trying to justify it (for use of a better word) by keep reminding myself that its not like im marrying in the exact spot as she did as its the hotel next door and we doing it on the beach.

    Doesnt take away from the fact though that its still aruba and the same resort which is how i think she will see it. I could be wrong lol xxx

  • Katherine66Katherine66 Posts: 1,234

    Aww i would think that was sweet!    Im sure she has known you ling enough to know you didnt do it nastily or anything.   Im sure she will be fine.  

  • Lauren147Lauren147 Posts: 185

    The only reason I would be offended would be if you had booked it to be before my wedding. As its going to be 3 years after I would not have an issue with it. 

    Like the other ladies said if you say how much you loved hers and its a compliment really. 


    Hope it goes well 

  • FrouFrouFrouFrou Posts: 4

    I hope so katherine66 lol, i would feel the same but i spise that comes across as been biased as its my wedding lol.

    Thats a fair point bella2015, her wedding will have been 3 years ago so its not close


  • RosieC18RosieC18 Posts: 158

    I would let her know but emphasize the differences when you’re communicating it to her. Drop her a message along the lines of “I really hope you don’t mind but I was so inspired by your pictures. As you know, getting married at home is so expensive and this is the only way we can afford the wedding of our dreams. I’ve made sure it won’t be a replica of your day. The ceremony would be on the beach & we’re in the other hotel on the resort. I totally appreciate if you find this odd & I don’t want you to think we’re copying you…”

    Like other posters have said, it's not like they're on top of each other but similarly if this site has shown me anything it's that people can be fairly precious about aspects of their day you wouldn’t have even considered before getting married yourself. Just be sure to communicate it sensitively to her & try to understand her point of view if it’s not 100% what you’d expect.  

    Good luck! xoxo

  • MyrtleMyrtle Posts: 107

    My venue is the same as my friends. Her wedding was 3 years ago and so beautiful, I fell in love the the place and was worried about telling her when we booked it (the venue had an amazing deal within budget) 

    She was flattered and very happy that her wedding had an impact on my decision and she is looking forward to coming to my wedding and seeing the venue as a guest. 

  • depending on how close you are you could even asks her to help you with some of the planning, flowers photographer etc since she's done it all before and then it wont be so much of a shock to her if your also asking for her help rather than just her acceptance for you having it in the same place xx

  • Rosegold017Rosegold017 Posts: 476

    As Lauren said, I would only find this annoying if you booked it to take place before my wedding. I only really get irritated by copying if the other person pretends they haven't. You are being completely upfront and acknowledging that it is the same concept.

    I would enjoy attending another wedding at my venue. And besides, your guest lists will be almost completely different!

  • LucykinsLucykins Posts: 701

    It wouldn't bother me either, but the fact you said she got annoyed about someone having similar flowers suggests she could be less easygoing about it. Did the person with similar flowers have their wedding before hers or after? 

    As others have said, I'd try to emphasise that yours will be in a different part of the resort, and mention about how perfect hers looked etc, a little flattery can't go amiss!  

  • FrouFrouFrouFrou Posts: 4

    Wow thanks ladies for all your advice. I feel slightly better about telling her lol

    Hi lucykins. The cousin with the flowers got married before her. Im not sure if the style was discussed between them or wether it was a complete coincidence but she wasnt happy


  • LucykinsLucykins Posts: 701

    Ah, well it makes more sense if it was before hers. Hopefully as others have said, she will be flattered and pleased to go back there :)

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