HELP! I can't decide on my wedding destination.

Hello Fellow Brides to be/ Grooms to be....

I am in need of some advice. My fiancé and I cannot decide whether to do a wedding in the UK or abroad. This all started when my other half threw into the mix that he wanted to get married abroad. This was after we had researched and decided on a Uk venue. No deposits were put down yet. An abroad wedding isn't something I have EVER considered however I wasn't that girl who dreamed of her wedding day as a child. 

My family are not so keen on the abroad idea and I have gone back on forth with saying yes, then no, then yes, then no.... and so on. I have just started to come to terms with the idea of having fewer people at our wedding (which is a large reason for my fiancé wanting an abroad wedding)  and love the idea of  being at a spectacular Italian venue in the coast, getting married outside, in the sun. 

However I also want to be able to celebrate our day with all our friends and family. 

But now my fiancé has said to me 'perhaps we should just get married in the UK? It will make things less complicated' After knowing the confusion I am going through. Now I really don't know what is best to do for me, my fiancé and what we want for our day. 

If anyone has any advice about how we can come to some kind of decision I would be really grateful. 

 

Many Thanks

 

Posts

  • gill17gill17 Posts: 568 New bride

    Have a small wedding abroad and then a huge party with everyone when you get back! 2 chances to wear your dress! 

  • I got married abroad in Italy this June but not on the coast and it was amazing, I am so pleased that we did.

    We had a small wedding and it cost the same as a large UK wedding (our initial budget was £10 and we spent £20k). We then had our marriage blessed (which was not an excuse for another party) and invited family and friends who couldn't join us. This cost us around an extra £3k that we hadnt budgeted for.

  • We're having our wedding abroad for the same reason - we didn't want a big thing with lots of people. When we get home we'll have a party for everyone else. 

  • We got married in France, as soon as we got engaged we were excited about an abroad wedding. We considered Italy too but opted for France as we wanted to drive there and it was closer for people to travel. 

    Things you need to consider and prioritise are if you were to do it abroad who would be able to come- we asked our closest friends and family before booking to see if they would be up for the idea. Everyone was really excited so that really helped. We wanted longer with a smaller group of people so had a long weekend. Other people prefer one massive party which is more suited to a wedding at home. Is there anyone who wouldn't be able to come that would be a deal breaker for you for going abroad?

    We were stung by the exchange rate after the brexit vote so you have a bit of cost risk. We also paid for our families and wedding party to ensure there was no risk of any of them not being able to come due to finances, this increased our costs too. 

    As we drove we had an entire car full of decorations etc, but going abroad can potentially limit how much stuff you can take and therefore how personal it can be. 

    We had around 65 guests for our wedding which was perfect for us, some people couldn't make it who would probably have rent able to come if in the UK but we knew that at the start and asking people to spend that much money and take time off work is a big ask. 

  • Thank you for your replies everyone! It's so hard because I don't want to upset anyone by them not being able to come. But I know my other half really wants something small. 

    gill17 I do like the idea of wearing my dress again :) 

  • Charlotte246 wrote (see post):

    We got married in France, as soon as we got engaged we were excited about an abroad wedding. We considered Italy too but opted for France as we wanted to drive there and it was closer for people to travel. 

    Things you need to consider and prioritise are if you were to do it abroad who would be able to come- we asked our closest friends and family before booking to see if they would be up for the idea. Everyone was really excited so that really helped. We wanted longer with a smaller group of people so had a long weekend. Other people prefer one massive party which is more suited to a wedding at home. Is there anyone who wouldn't be able to come that would be a deal breaker for you for going abroad?

    We were stung by the exchange rate after the brexit vote so you have a bit of cost risk. We also paid for our families and wedding party to ensure there was no risk of any of them not being able to come due to finances, this increased our costs too. 

    As we drove we had an entire car full of decorations etc, but going abroad can potentially limit how much stuff you can take and therefore how personal it can be. 

    We had around 65 guests for our wedding which was perfect for us, some people couldn't make it who would probably have rent able to come if in the UK but we knew that at the start and asking people to spend that much money and take time off work is a big ask. 

    Charlotte246: thank you for your response. The only person that probably wouldn't be able to make an abroad wedding isn't grandmother. She would be 90 when we get married so there is no guarantee she would make a UK wedding either due to health issues. That upsets me but I guess I can't build a wedding around one person. Who may or may not come. Even if it is my grandmother. 

    France looks beautiful but I read you can't have a civil ceremony is that true? 

  • Kimberley58 wrote (see post):

    Hi, we are getting married in Sorrento next year. We both knew we wanted a small wedding abroad. You need to make a decision that you know you wont regret. 

    It's making that decision that's so hard :( I never dreamt about my wedding as a child so really have no idea what a I want. Has anyone else had this problem? Everyone I speak to know what they wanted for a wedding. It's making me so stressed. 

  • Ashley72Ashley72 Posts: 1,136 New bride

    It's such a hard decision if you don't have a fixed idea of what you want, or if your idea is different to your partners!

    I always had it in my mind that I wanted to get married abroad, I just can't picture a day here and I love a holiday! My fiance thought it was asking a lot of our friends and family but he's already done the white barn type wedding here so I had a bit more sway and he's agreed that an overseas wedding would be nice, especially after going to my best friend's earlier this year and we had such a great week and it gave everyone the chance to relax and get to know eachother, and spend time with the bride and groom either side of the wedding day.

    I had my heart set on Italy but did briefly look at some other places. A few things we took in to consideration

    - legalities - only some countries offer the option of a legally binding civil ceremony abroad - Portugal, Croatia, Greece and Italy are the most popular in Europe I think. This was a deal breaker for us as we didn't want to have to have a registry office in the UK.

    - flight time - we wanted to keep flight time to a minimum. Flights to some parts of Europe are cheap and there are plenty of budget carriers, other places, such as some Greek islands, there are only a few direct options which might make it more expensive / difficult for people to get there.

    - We wanted to choose somewhere that was accessible and could be done "on the cheap" so are only looking at venues that are near the city or a big town that has a lot of accommodation options so that people have the choice of a 5* week long holiday, a two night cheap and cheerful B&B, or somewhere in the middle. We didn't want cost or difficulty to put many people off (although it is inevitable that it will some people). Greece looked more expensive to get to than Italy as well as being a longer flight so we decided against even looking as we didn't want people to feel obliged to make it their holiday if they didn't want to and could just fly out for a weekend.

    - When do you want to get married? We are looking at May-June 2019 and have already told people that it will be in Tuscany, so they have plenty (probably too much!) time to factor this in to their plans and finances. If you wanted to marry sooner, you might need to accept that some people have already worked out holidays etc for next year and might not be able to factor a wedding abroad in to their budget. 

    - Can you make space in your budget for a planner and potentially one or two (or more) trips to your destination? We don't speak the language and I'm sure it's not going to be that easy to arrange a wedding and deal with suppliers in another country so we have enlisted the help of a planner who can do a lot of the negotiations and paperwork for us. This is £2400 as a flat rate, so not cheap but we are hopeful it will save us money in the overall scheme of things. We will also be going out once to look at venues and then I imagine once or twice more after that so need to factor in costs of flights and accom. each time. None of that is probably necessary if you marry in the UK closer to home. 

    Speak to your friends and family and get a feel whether they're generally up for it or if any you can't imagine not being there have strong reasons against.

    Good luck! It's a hard decision but at the end of the day, go with what your heart says is right for the both of you. You can have small weddings in the UK or a fairly big wedding overseas with the right planning. If you give people plenty of notice, whoever wants to be there will be there wherever it is! You can always celebrate at home with people who can't make it, w

  • Amanda193 wrote (see post):
    Charlotte246 wrote (see post):

    We got married in France, as soon as we got engaged we were excited about an abroad wedding. We considered Italy too but opted for France as we wanted to drive there and it was closer for people to travel. 

    Things you need to consider and prioritise are if you were to do it abroad who would be able to come- we asked our closest friends and family before booking to see if they would be up for the idea. Everyone was really excited so that really helped. We wanted longer with a smaller group of people so had a long weekend. Other people prefer one massive party which is more suited to a wedding at home. Is there anyone who wouldn't be able to come that would be a deal breaker for you for going abroad?

    We were stung by the exchange rate after the brexit vote so you have a bit of cost risk. We also paid for our families and wedding party to ensure there was no risk of any of them not being able to come due to finances, this increased our costs too. 

    As we drove we had an entire car full of decorations etc, but going abroad can potentially limit how much stuff you can take and therefore how personal it can be. 

    We had around 65 guests for our wedding which was perfect for us, some people couldn't make it who would probably have rent able to come if in the UK but we knew that at the start and asking people to spend that much money and take time off work is a big ask. 

    Charlotte246: thank you for your response. The only person that probably wouldn't be able to make an abroad wedding isn't grandmother. She would be 90 when we get married so there is no guarantee she would make a UK wedding either due to health issues. That upsets me but I guess I can't build a wedding around one person. Who may or may not come. Even if it is my grandmother. 

    France looks beautiful but I read you can't have a civil ceremony is that true? 

     

     

    That's a shame about your grandmother - you could always see if she could Skype in whether it's in this country or abroad. 

    There are restrictions on getting married in France- you have to live there for 30 consecutive days beforehand. We wanted our ceremony outside so had a non-legal ceremony outside which was beautiful. My mother in law was sceptical as she wanted us to have a church wedding but she has since said how much she loved it because it was so personal. We had a legal ceremony the week before with just family and went for a meal afterwards, setting off for France the next day.

    I think it will also depend on the type of abroad wedding you want. We have friends who had a very small abroad wedding and spent less than 5k- I think it was a package type holiday with the wedding as part of it.

    We essentially invited everyone we would invite to the day of a UK wedding and planned a lot of it ourselves. our main motivation was having more time with our closest friends and family so we designed our wedding around that. 

    I didnt have an image of our wedding before we got engaged but as soon as we starting talking about it we prioritised what was important i.e. Less people more time, free bar (my husband used to manage Bars!), good food. w

  • lali2lali2 Posts: 11

    Hi 

    Please visit our website to get some ideas 

    www.oceanweddingsspain.com

    Thanks 

    Lali Prada

  • EriVinEriVin Posts: 11 New bride

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  • Cazz13Cazz13 Posts: 67 New bride

    I'm thinking about having a UK wedding as some of my family (my dad's side) and my fiance's family are in the UK. I have family in Japan and Hawaii so am toying with the idea of having a blessing in Hawaii and hop over to another island for the honeymoon :) 

  • Apologies if I've missed something, but from your first post it seems like the decision is already made.....

    If you never wanted a wedding out of the country, your family aren't keen on the idea and now your fiance has changed his mind, why are you still even considering it.....?

    Have you gone back to your first UK venue to see what's available?

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