Intimate cyprus wedding. Family not happy!

So me and my fiancé have been together 5 years have one 3 year old little girl and baby no 2 on the way! We got engaged on christmas morning, and immediately started wedding planning in the new year, we initially wanted a fair sized wedding with around 50 - 60 guests.

We we're ready to book finally 2 months ago, provisionally confirmed a date, had a week to sort things out before putting down the deposit and securing the date. During that week I found out I was expecting! Which was a huge surprise! But a lovely surprise, even if the timing wasn't ideal if I'm honest.

Anyway I'll get to the point .. a new baby will without a doubt affect our finances massively! There is no way we can still afford to save enough for the wedding we were planning before. I tried to find a cheaper venue but for under 3k for all food drink and hire it was a challenge and I just couldn't find anywhere I even remotely liked. So I looked into weddings abroad particularly cyprus, it's gorgeous! And much much cheaper! We want to go as low key as possible, we aren't particularly close with any of our siblings so we thought we'd keep it to just parents and our 2 babies, we considered eloping, but we just couldn't imagine it without them. Anyway when we talked to our family certain people went absolutely mental about not being invited. Fiancé is one of 6 children and I am one of 4. 9 of or siblings are married or in a relationship and have 6 children between them. Inviting everybody would increase costs massively. A guest list of 8 would increase to 24! And it's not just food and drink, we'd have to put on transport, some kind of entertainment as low key dinner would be out of the question, plus most have school aged children so we'd have to book it during the school holidays.

We simply cannot afford this! They don't seem to get that this is nothing personal, we have been called selfish/nasty/inconsiderate everything! It feels like we're being expected to do the impossible, just to please them. When we were looking into planning our UK wedding it was feeling increasingly Iike everything we were planning was to please everyone else, and in retrospect we're glad we're planning to go abroad and pleasing ourselves! It is coming out of our pockets after all. Shall I just book it? Will they ever get over it. Is it selfish?

Posts

  • Julia82Julia82 Posts: 123

    Isn’t it funny that people think your wedding is somehow something to do with them. 

    If the question is should you have the wedding you want or the one your family want, then the answer is a no brainier. This is your wedding, your money, your choice! 

    If there’s room in the budget for a family party when you get back then I’d do that anyway but if not - Well of course they will get over it! I hope eventually they will just be happy for you.

    Good luck! 

    Jx

  • Michelle330Michelle330 Posts: 119

    Book it, it’s the wedding you want the day is about you and your fiancé, selfishness is allowed for yo, they are the ones being unreasonable demanding you have a wedding they want not what you want.

    may I suggest a compromis, how about you have the wedding you want and then have a bigger celebration at home for your first anniversary then all your family can celebrate that with you instead?

  • Ashley72Ashley72 Posts: 1,137 New bride

    Would you consider doing a registry office in the UK followed by a meal / BBQ etc? Not suggesting you should change what to you want to appease family but just saying you don’t have to have the grand big affair costing thousands if you don’t really want to. 

    I understand family are disappointed they won’t share your day but why do so many people lose sight of the fact that a wedding is about what you both want. And unless they’re paying for it, even more reason for them to butt out!

    The other option is you tell people your plans - married in Cyprus, very low key dinner after, no reception as such - tell them you’ll be paying for a few drinks and cake but otherwise people will need to pay for their own dinner if you go out to celebrate afterwards. If all they care about is seeing you get married and they’re prepared to fly to Cyprus to watch you do it how you want (without it costing you loads more), then I dont think there’d be an issue.... as long as you’re clear about what you will or won’t provide, anyone willing and able to fly out will be a nice bonus. 

  • MrsCToBeeMrsCToBee Posts: 2,760 New bride

    As above - no one has the right to dictate the wedding you have. 

    You either need to stick to your guns or get a quote to include all those people who want to come and tell them they have to pay for themselves as you have a baby on the way and can't afford it.

  • Lyndsey-4Lyndsey-4 Posts: 46

    I totally get this my OH wanted a wedding in the UK and it was getting out of hand he is a people pleaser and was doing everything to suit other people so i said no as it was causing arguments and stress and now we are getting married in Cyprus just a small group of us and then a party when we return as I no longer care about upsetting people its not their day its ours! If people really care about you they will be happy for you if not stuff em!

  • MrsT2017MrsT2017 Posts: 224 New bride

    Life is too short to be anything but happy, if a small intimate wedding in Cyprus is what makes you happiest go and do that and balls to anyone else!! We did, a small wedding of 15 in Lake Como and if I’d have won the lottery I still wouldn’t change what we did, you have to be able to look back with no regrets and your never going to please everybody so I wouldn’t even try. It’s your day, your wedding, your future, your finances and nobody else has a right to demand anything from you. Go with your heart and  have no regrets xx

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