Father of the bride might not be able to attend

Hi ladies,

Just need to see what peoples views are???

Here's the background first....

I got engaged to my fiancé back in sept just gone in Turkey, as soon as H2B proposed we were both talking about where we wanted to get married straight away, We both wanted to get married abroad and its something ive always dreamed of doing. So we have looked around and made a decision that Italy was the perfect place for us ( ive never been but H2B has when he was younger), I love how romatic and rustic it is and we both have a love of Italian food! So we decided on Sorrento as our guests can also enjoy as a holiday too. We have been in touch with a wedding planner and she has submitted our dates to the registrar and she has made arrangements for when we go over in March with the MIL and FIL to view numerous venues within our budget. Im so excited about it all and I love being organised and have already got my wedding dress and veil sorted!

So here's the issue, my dad a quite a bad stroke around 20 months ago and he hasn't recovered well at all and he said feels like giving up. He lives 3 hours away from me so I only see him every couple of months due to work commitments, he has my sisters and other family near by though. I was hoping the news of the wedding and a holiday would motivate him to get better but he just doesn't seam that bothered. He has carers in 3 times a day and is refusing physio. He has told me he will be there to walk me down the aisle and he will be running by then but I just don't see it in him at all....this worries me that my only remaining parent (my mum passed away when I was 14) will not be able to walk me down the aisle. I'm dead set on getting married in Sorrento but im afraid my dad wont make it or if he does come in his current state he will need a lot of caring for. I don't know if im being selfish still getting married abroad and potentially my dad missing his first daughters wedding.

Am I being selfish?



  • MrsS85MrsS85 Posts: 688 New bride

    Sorry to hear about your Dad, its a tricky one, the recovery from strokes are unpredictable, Could you arrange the legal wedding over here so it would be easier for your Dad to be involved? Sometime you have to be realistic, maybe if your Dad does go to Italy, he might feel awkward and it might be easier for everyone if he doesn't go, sorry if that sounds harsh. All the best for whatever you decide.


  • I tried to PM you, but it looks like maybe that function isn't working...not sure.

    My OH had a stroke in Nov 2016, and I can tell you that everyone recovers very differently. My OH is young and was otherwise healthy, so he was pretty fortunate, but his recovery still took about a year - and he still has some small residual issues.  He was actually not medically cleared to fly for quite some time.

    Destination weddings prevent many guests from attending, for a wide range of reasons (illness, age, pregnancy, money, work schedules, etc.) Being perfectly honest with you, I would doubt that he will be able to attend. You may want to consider changing plans. If you can't do that, maybe consider having a small church or registry ceremony near him, so that he can be there with you. Sian91 is writing her wedding report on this forum right now, and they did just that, for her grandad I believe. Maybe have a nosey at her report.

  • SadieeeSadieee Posts: 1,781 New bride

    Not going to go into a long post because obviously you should have the wedding you want, however if my dad couldn't attend my destination wedding due to health then I wouldn't be having one, I would marry in the UK. I wanted to marry in Cyprus and this ended up being a no no due our choice of family being there being more important to us 

  • MrsCToBeeMrsCToBee Posts: 2,954 New bride

    My grandad had a severe stroke and never really recovered and can't walk - or fly. My mum has had a series of TIAs and required major surgery and she has never been the same. My FIL also can't fly for medical reasons. My dad and stepmum wouldn't have attended a destination wedding for personal reasons. 

    It was my absolute dream to get married abroad, but it was essential to my fiance that his family were present so it wasn't an option for us. You really need to decide of it's more important to you to get married abroad or have a parent present, and it does sound like this trip would be a huge undertaking for your dad. Having a small legal ceremony here then a symbolic wedding abroad may be an option as suggested above 

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