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Psychological Battle

With myself always about my weight, I lost 5.5lbs in January then put on 6lbs at the end in one week! for 2 bad days I expected a gain but no where near that!!

If I lose 1.5lbs I always bully myself that it could have been better I could have lost 2!

If I maintained I failed

If I gain I may as well crawl away and die. I failed.

Is this just me?

I have a star chart for my weight loss add a star per lb. If I gain I scratch off a star.

At the end of January I just ripped the chart up! image


  • I used to be like that until I realised it was self defeating, cos I was so unhappy I'd drown my sorrows in calories. I thought it was all pointless.

    Now I look at the bigger picture. For example, at my largest I was 19st 13lbs, and in Oct 2008 I finally hit 11stone (having lost the final stone during a week in hospital). Since then I've slowly crept til I was 13st 6.5 last week............. but I'm starting again. What's the point in beating myself up, when, OVERALL, I am still winning the battle.

    They always say the weight didn't go on overnight and it unfortunately comes off even slower.

    Mis Joanne if you are even half a pound less than you were when you started you've succeeded. If you're the same, you've succeeded too cos you've not let the situation get any worse. And if you've gained overall, well, you'll pick yourself up, you've lost weight before and you can blinking well do it again.

    Stop being so hard on yourself! Even taking the decision to start trying to lose weight is a positive step. Apparently only 20% of overweight people ever manage to get that far! (according to my doc.. could be a lie lol).

    5.5lbs in january was terrific! Strikes me a 6lb gain could well have been a lot of fluid, TOTM?

    Draw a line and start again. Reward yourself, NOT with food, with something for your wedding/even money in your wedding pot or just paint your toenails or something to give you a lift. Be positive. And focus on what you are achieving. Set yourself smaller goals maybe to guarentee success.

    2lbs a month is still 24lbs in a year! Be your own best friend not your own worst enemy.

    Sorry if the above sounds patronizing or lecturing.It's not meant to be. I can just see myself in you.

    lucy xxxxxxxxx
  • lodgerlodger Posts: 76
    Maybe you wanted to fail? Maybe you wanted to beat yourself up? It sounds like you've been through this cycle before.

    Like Lucy says, you can change your shape but for some people it takes extra hard work and to do that you have to believe in yourself.

    My H2B had to sit me down to take me to task with my diet. I was surviving on 450 cals a day, I'd let a cough develop into a chest infection becuase I couldn't stand the sugar in cough mixture and I was a pale, limp misery to live with! But all I could see was another 8 weeks on the diet to get to 10.5 stone. We had an argument and I jumped on the scales in anger to show him how fat I was and how I had to go to extremes because I was unhealthy (12.10) and how I was ashamed I weighed more than him. He didn't care though, he just said he loved me and that cooking and eating was part of our lives and I had to stop punishing myself for not being perfect. And I suppose I do set high standards for myself and I get very angry when I don't meet them.

    Yes, I want to look good on my wedding day but I don't want to jepodise my health or my relationship. I'm still dieting, but I know half the battle is in my head and I have to take them one day at a time. I can really understand the temptation to give in to a binge and to let it carry on and on BUT you do have a choice. You can choose to have a day off for treats or a posh meal out and you can choose to exercise more in preperation or you can choose less calorific foods or you can go mental on a whim but choose to get back on healthy happy eating the next day. Put bluntly you can do less damage in two days then ten.

    Sorry for the essay, but you sounded so low x
  • JWlovesWNJWlovesWN Posts: 1,548
    I have always been overweight and have always hated myself. I have tried diets before when I was younger and it was restricting myself to only fruit and veg and was always hungry so I would stuff my face.

    I feel as though I will fail, because that what I see a failure.
  • As a child I was always tall and skinny. But in my teens I thought I was MASSIVE, but looking back at 10 and half stone I was my ideal weight. The difference was I had boobs and hips before everyone else.

    I can always remember a physics lesson in my 3rd year senior school where I was the heaviest in the class. My issues stemmed from then, and the fact that I LOVE my food and had no idea of portion control. It was fine when I was exercising every day, it only crept quiety on, I was 12 stone by 18, then bang, I got injured, carried on consuming and by 19 was 16 stone plus.

    I spent the next decade believing that I wasthe fat one. Indeed I have a couple of "friends" for whom I was their "fat friend".

    Being tall I carried it well but I HATED myself. And nothing (apart from pregnancy when I puked for 9 months) made me lose weight.

    I resigned myself to the fact that I was always going to be big.............
  • Then just before my 30th I took a long hard look in the mirror, and at my life in general.

    I decided that if I hated what I saw I had to do something about it. No matter how hard it would be.

    And if I hated my life I had to change it.

    So I did. I got out of an abusive and unhappy marriage. Spent some time finding myself. Luckily found Mr Right (totally not in my plan). And found a "new me" that had been hiding under a huge pile of tea, tears and chocolate digestives!........
  • I'm not saying this to lecture Miss Joanne or show you how absolutely amazing I am.......God I wish!!!

    But to show you that ANYONE can change!

    I still don't really like what's in the mirror. But it's slowly getting to what I want and I'm also slowly learning to love myself.

    I really feel for you Miss Joanne. Being so negative about yourself is, as you say, a hugh psychological battle. But I think you need to start looking for the positives, no matter how minute they may seem.

    I found a fantastic inspiration thread on a website. The before and after shots were amazing. It gave me hope I could do it too.
  • The website is

    Have a look at their slideshow.

    Sometimes it's also good to just sound off and let it all out to someone who can understand. And I feel I can. So feel free to email me if you'd like. Or feel free to tell me to get stuffedimage

    This is me.

    Miss Joanne you can do anything you put your mind to, I'm sure. You have 5 weeks to the most wonderful day of your life! Make them count. Even if you don't lose a single pound, learn to just give yourself a break!

    I'll shurrup now!!!! xxxxxxxx
  • katie40ukkatie40uk Posts: 1,264
    i know exaclty how you feel hun, im hate myself everyday for what i look like, hate myself even more if i put on weight and then if i loose a bit i think well so what your still a fat cow, so whats the point? doesnt even help when i think i have a h2b who lves me, i pity him that he's ended up with me. i have no social life, i refuse to go out because im too fat, i feel at risk of loosing all my friends.

    but i do like the idea above that you have to be your best friend not your worst enemy. i think its about having a positive mental attitude, mabey? i dont know!

    not even sure if my post will make you feel better, but i suppose i found somewhere i could get my upset out?! katie xx
  • Big hugs to you Katie.

    I expect your H2B thinks he's the luckiest chap in the world to have you!

    My H2B says if I could see through his eyes I'd see things so differently. Think about that. What does your H2B see when HE looks at you. In his head not yours! He sees his beautiful fiancee and I'm sure his heart bleeds that he can't make you see how lovely you are, whether you're 10, 20 or 30 stone!

  • katie40ukkatie40uk Posts: 1,264
    2ndllucy thanks for that, i wish i could see what he sees, but youve put a little smile on my face - thank you xxx
  • i know how you feel, i think i have an eating disorder! but because im not skinny if i said that to someone they would laugh at me.

    i let food and weight rule my whole world. If im having a bad day at work i blame it on my weight. If im stressed i blame it on me being fat etc.

    its like a never ending battle.
  • You don't have to be skinny to have an eating disorder. I always joke that I'm an amnesic bulimic. I binge but forget to be sick!

    There is so much pressure on us to look right, dress right etc. And our images of what is "normal" are coloured by media full of size zeros.

    I don't actually want to be skinny. I want to be a healthy weight. If I look better then, Brilliant! But my goal is to be around for as long as possible for my not so little ones.

  • Quoted:
    The website is

    Have a look at their slideshow.

    Sometimes it's also good to just sound off and let it all out to someone who can understand. And I feel I can. So feel free to email me if you'd like. Or feel free to tell me to get stuffedimage

    What a great website, thanks for sharing x
  • JWlovesWNJWlovesWN Posts: 1,548
    I lost 2 lbs image
  • That's blooming brilliant!

    And to be honest 2lb a week is at the top of what you should be aiming for anyway, so you've done fantastically!

    Reward yourself with something nice even if it's a bubble bath or painting your nails, or just an hour of completely guilt free looking at wedding p*rn or whatever takes your fancy! Just never reward with food!

    You've done great!!!! xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
  • JWlovesWNJWlovesWN Posts: 1,548
    We had pancakes yesterday instead of Tuesday.

    Thank you for all the advice ladies. I think I was possibly a bit pre menstrual and emotional on the 15th. AF arrived today (possiblt TMI) sorry xx
  • LMAO! xxxxx
  • I feel your pain!!

    I am the same! Im sitting here now feeling shite! was meant to be my first week of eating healthy and exercising, i have done the half hour on exercise bike a day (i have a sore bum now!) but the food is out of control!! It is the time of month which i am really suffering with this week, just want to cry and feel like a whale and just want to eat!!

    I lost 10 pounds end of last year on slim fast, i really stuck to it and felt great! 10 pounds makes so much difference! but i went off it and put weight back on! i havent gone back up to my biggest yet tho of 14st 7, i am 14st at mo, but feel so horrible i just want to wear big sack clothes and everything else i feel my flab is on display!!

    I want to go back on SF as it worked for me and i only have 98 days till my wedding! but i jus cant get back into it!!

    I just really really hate myself, and feel like a failure!! image xx
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