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Past eating issues, not happy with current body shape

Hi,



I'm now 23 but have always had a strange relationship with eating and my body weight. This culminated in me suffering from anorexia for 3 years while at university. I am now no longer anorexic, but I'm still on the small side and still have a strange relationship with food in general. I have gained about half a stone in the past year, and when I had my wedding dress fitting I wasn't happy with how I looked...it brought back all the old feelings of weight insecurity. I therefore decided to lose weight just before christmas, however I haven't been very successful so far. It's so difficult as I have to be so careful, but I find myself hideous atm and really don't want to feel like this on my wedding day.



I am not large, I am only about a size 6-8, but I'm only about 5 ft 2 inches and so im still LARGER than I want to be. I want to feel beautiful and i dont. H2B much prefers me at the larger size, but that makes me feel even worse as now whenever he compliments me all i think is 'this means im fat'. To make matter worse, when I went for my dress fitting just before xmas it was too small...and it made me want to break down in tears. I asked them not to alter it yet, as i have until july, and i would rather shrink to fit the dress than make the dress larger.



Can anyone else understand how i feel or have similar issues themselves? If i talk to H2B about this it makes him sad as he was the one that supported me through my anorexic years and so it was a very painful time for him as he loved me. That was over 4 years ago now, so we have moved on, but i just wish i could lose a few pounds in order to feel beautiful on the day we get married image



If you have any words of advice, or are facing similar issues yourself, please write back



Andie xxx

Posts

  • Angie, I've had eating problems for years. Are you in treatment? My local NHS provider has a Specialist Weight Management Service if yours runs something similar get referred it does help. Feeling good comes from inside - what other people have to say doesn't penetrate our self loathing.



    I don't mind chatting but in my experience it takes psychological treatment to effect change.

    Good luck and bless you

  • RapunzbelRapunzbel Posts: 402
    I think perhaps you need something like cognitive behavioural therapy befcause like the previous poster said feeling good comes from inside. CBT looks at breaking cycles of negative thought.



    I am currently having cbt because of crippling anxiety I have due to low self esteem/self worth from years of childhood abuse.



    Before cbt I have tried moving away from home, going to uni, different friends, different looks, travelling, volunteering and whilst they might have helped and briefly made me feel better they have never sorted out the core of my problem and it hasn't been long til i've ended up back at square 1.



    Also I am 23 5ft2 and 8st3, size 8. Wii Fit says I have an ideal BMI and could benefit from being 8st7 so whilst you probably won't believe it, you are not fat.
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