I'm going to be a fat bride :(

Argh!!! I'm a size 16/18 and I weight 17 stone!!! I desperately want to lose weight before our wedding at the end of August, I'd love to lose 6 stone but being realistic 3 stone would be amazing.

 

I go to Slimming World and I count calories but I struggle so much!  I get really downhearted if I don't lose straight away, I feel like as I'm so heavy I should lose pretty fast.  So then I go back to eating badly.  Plus there's so much going on right now with my family and at work I'm super stressed.

 

I can't bear the thought of being a fat bride but at this rate I'm going to be :( help!

Posts

  • lola3lola3 Posts: 350 New bride

    Hi, I am in exactly the same situation as you I'm 14st and want to be 11st at least and don't want to be a fat bride.

    im doing slimming word but really struggling I just like food far to much. X 

  • MrsTwizbeMrsTwizbe Posts: 3,352 New bride

    I understand how you feel.

    Once upon a time I weighed 15 st and because I am also 6ft tall I would say I could get away with it. I lost 3 stone before my July 2011 wedding and since then put 2 back on. I have just really started working to lose that again and get back to a skinner me.

    Here are a couple of tips I found from my journey that might help you.

    First step is to properly work out your eating habits. Keep a food diary for a week without trying to lose weight and just see what you are eating. My big problem was trying to eat the same amount as my 6'7 hubby....not a good idea. Also note down how you feel after certain foods. I found out that I have a mild lactose intolerance recently and not eating something that disagreed with me helped a lot (not saying you do and you might not have an intolerance, but just notice if like me you feel a bit sick after a latte)

    Two - get the right help for you. It is great you are doing slimming world and I know a lot of people it has worked wonders for. It never worked for me, I preferred weight watchers as I found it easier to do alone and easier to lose weight. Perhaps try the other plan for a few months and see if you find that easier.

    Three - get to the gym. I hired a personal trainer and yes it is expensive but the best thing I have ever done. I am so lazy when I try to train by myself, but having an appointment to go and see my trainer or go to a class makes me go. The trainer has also helped me to find exercise that I enjoy. I love boxing and just started getting into proper weight training which I adore!

    Four - set realistic goals, you shouldn't lose more than 2lbs a week on average. If you are averaging more, then it is too fast and wont stay off

    five - don't just go by your weight. My weight seems to have stopped at around the 13st 5 mark at the moment, but with the weight training I have toned up loads and am feeling thinner all round. Muscle weighs more than fat, so if you build it up you weigh more.

    Six - don't put too much pressure on yourself. Your hubby is marrying you and loves you for you. By all means lose a bit if you feel you need to, but you don't need to be a size 6.

    I hope this helps somewhat, and good luck

  • Reading this really upset me - the main response I have is, so what? I understand that wedding magazines/ blogs etc. only tend to feature slim model-looking brides, but there is not a 'standard' bride.

    Your fiance loves you, and is marrying you the way you are. You sound like you're putting a huge amount of pressure on yourself and it's backfiring. You need to take some time and think about what's really important. Does it really matter how much you weigh? When you get to the end of the aisle is someone going to put some scales out and weigh you and if you're 'too heavy' won't let you get married??

    Stop being so hard on yourself, and focus on marrying the love of your life! If you would truly feel better then by all means lose a few pounds but don't make it your sole focus. MrsTwizbe's idea is good - what about excersing? That'll help you be less stressed and tone up. 

    Sorry if I sound harsh, but as someone who's been there myself it's just not worth beating yourself up over. My favourite quote from a great article on this is: 'You are all beautiful. Whether you’re a size 4 or a size 24 you’re marrying someone who loves you. Every last inch of you. So let’s not ignore this anymore. Let’s ruffle some feathers and get the debate going. Let’s remember what weddings, and marriages, should be all about and what they most certainly should not.'

    Full article here: https://www.rocknrollbride.com/2012/06/weight-loss-and-weddings/ 

    Good luck & be kind to yourself x

  • MissNdMissNd Posts: 122 New bride

    I feel upset about my weight too and I have no excuse, I'm 13.4 stone and 5"7. I wear a size 14/16. My arms and hips are my biggest worries, luckily my dress compliments my figure but my arms will be out. I booked  my wedding in March last year and I have not lost a pound of weight. I cant mentally prepare myself to do it and now I have until June. I need to lose atleast a stone, I just cant kick my self up the bottom:( 

  • I found that I did loose weight with slimming world but felt I was missing out! A year before that, I tried to loose weight on my own and lost the same amount as I did using slimming world. All I did was eat what I normally would but on a smaller plate and I cut out snacks and just drank water and herbal teas when I thought I was hungry! Xx

  • I've always been a big girl, I was a size 18 when I got married last April. I'm now a 14 and the biggest change for me was exercise. We were given 3 month's free membership of the wedding hotel's gym so hubby and I were given the kick start we both so desperately needed. We downloaded My Fitness Pal which is an app where you log everything you eat and any exercise you do, I also have mine linked to my Fitbit. I've never exercised and my body screamed at me for quite a while but I'm now at the stage where I enjoy doing what I do. I have a core circuit training, weights circuit training and running programme that I do 2 nights a week and on a weekend I run a 10k. It's very easy to get hung up on what the scales say, but my arms and shoulders have definition I've never had before and my core is gradually getting there so I try not to worry if a stagnate for a while.

    One thing I will say which might sound harsh, but only you can do this. You can be given all the advice in the world but there's only you that eats what you do and exercises the way you do/don't. I learnt that the hard way by wasting far too many years being overweight and ignoring what I needed to do to change that. Thank goodness for a wedding package that gave me the motivation I'd needed for years.

    Good luck honey xx

     

  • I can completely relate to you! I'm a size 14/16 - a year ago I was a size 16/18 but my weight loss has stalled and sometimes I wonder why I'm not as motivated as all other brides seem to be!

    The ladies above have posted some excellent advice so I'll be taking their tips on board too, thank you!

    I think you have to consider whether you're losing weight for the right reasons. For ages, I felt that I had to lose weight because I'd look ridiculous in a wedding dress but I've changed my mindset and now I think about how I want to FEEL on my wedding day, rather than how I want to LOOK. I was a bridesmaid last year at my heaviest weight and I was so miserable in the lead up to the wedding, I felt self conscious on the day and then I cried for hours when I saw the photos afterwards. I try to remember those emotions when I want to pig out and it usually helps.

    We're in this together and I wish you loads of success xxx

  • Thanks everyone, I just feel rubbish about myself but I guess losing weight might not fix that!! 

  • I also get anxiety and panic attacks and exercise helps me so much with that but I am finding it hard to drive myself to exercise at the minute. Going to the gym tonight though. Maybe I need to get the exercise in place first.

  • I get terrible PMT and can be a complete bitch in the run up to my period. The feeling I get after a workout is 10 times better that any tablets that can be given and I often say that if you're feeling down then a good run will soon smash it out of you!

  • sonia9sonia9 Posts: 243

    First of all, breathe. There is so much pressure on us to be 'perfect' for the big day. Your future husband already thinks you are perfect so stuff everyone else. Do it for yourself if you will feel better but don't panic. Take it a day at a time. xxxx

     

  • Kitten2014Kitten2014 Posts: 1,489

    Oh hun, please don't feel badly about yourself/ your weight. Take a look down at your hand, and see that beautiful ring? There's a guy out there that gave that to you because he thought you were the cat's meow AS IS. He didn't give you that beautiful sparkler thinking, "She's great now, but boy, she'd be an even better wife x pounds lighter."  Your OH wants to marry you for YOU.

    Most days, I'm under 100 pounds.  Guess what?  I've been divorced twice. Being skinny doesn't make for happiness. It certainly didn't make either of my husbands love me more, it didn't make for a happier marriage, and I wasn't a "more beautiful" bride because I'm typically underweight. (And yes, I have health issues too, being at the opposite end of the spectrum.)

    If you are interested in losing weight, congrats, I hope you do choose to pursue a healthy lifestyle with proper portions, lots of whole grains and veggies, and regular exercise. But do it as part of a healthy lifestyle shift, not because you think it will make you a more beautiful bride or that you will have a "better" wedding day. With all of the stress associated with planning a wedding (and whatever else you have going on in your life right now, which seems a lot), why not make it your after-wedding goal? Maybe the two of you can commit to a healthy lifestyle plan together!

     

     

  • BekhaGBekhaG Posts: 584 New bride

    I feel your pain. I was a size 22, joined SW 2 months before my wedding and lost 2 stone, went down to an 18. I lasted another 3 months doing SW post wedding but then had to slack off- I stuck to it 100% prior to my wedding and those 3 months after but I found it soooo hard and boring. I just love choc and butter and bread and cheese etc. I've put a stone back on and hope to keep that off by doing SW mon- thurs and relaxing on the weekends but I'm finding it hard even just doing that!!

    I also went to the gym 3 times a week in the run up to the wedding (I usually go twice a week) but I don't think this helped with losing weight- I've always worked out, but it did help tone me up a bit more than normal.

    Good luck- and try not to pressurise yourself as that won't help. Just do the best you can xx Good luck xx

     

     

  • Sam60Sam60 Posts: 249

    Snap!!! I don't know what is the matter with us! I know our h2bs don't care, but it's the one day in our lives we will look amazing...and I would feel so much prettier if I could drop a couple of stone!

    I hope my light bulb moment happened last week - I ordered my wedding dress and had to get a 20W!!!! 20W mind! I'm supposed to be a large 16!!! It didn't help when I asked H2B what W was for and he said 'whopper' ha ha. The dress comes in 9 weeks, I would love to have lost a stone by then so I have to get it adjusted by tons :-) xx

  • Hi lovely,

    iam in exactly the same boat! Im a size 18 & although i would love to loose 6 stone b4 my wedding, realistically id like to loose 2-2 1/2stone b4 October.

    I am a very short girl, only 4ft 11, so every pound shows, plus I suffer with fibromyalgia so exercise is difficult when just functioning some days is a mamouth task! Ive set myself the task of being supergood after valentines, ( out for yummy dinner with H2B ), but sometimes i seriously lack will power!

    I think us ladies need to stick together & give each other support & encouragement.

    xx

  • Kim90Kim90 Posts: 183

    Oh dear ladies!  It's hard isn't it! ... 

    Here's how I see it..most of you want to loose weight! Brilliant! 

    Everyone is different..we all have different lifestyles and vices!

    so first I guess you need to write down how much and what you put in your mouth...and how much exercise you take to work it off! Then make a plan!,

    For me it's changing portion sizes and changing to veg or salad with a smaller portion of meat,instead of the chips potatoes etc...I'm not really a chocoholic or desperate for crisps or fast food...but I do enjoy a glass of wine! 

    I hate the gym! So I try to walk more ..or put music on at home and have a dance around! I'm also hoping to loose a bit before my wedding in August...Hopefully some good weather and lighter nights will help!

    try not to start tomorrow! Start right now, even if you have just finished a huge bar of chocolate and a tub of ice cream!..and don't write it off if you slip for a day or two!

    good luck ladies, be realistic too... not many of us should be size 6.. ;-)

  • Thanks everyone you've made me feel lots better *hugs* and you are right h2b loves me as I am I sometimes worry though that he'd like me to be thinner.  Sam - wedding dress sizes are crazy, mine is a size 22 sample and although it is a bit big on me it's not massive!  

     

    I have accepted I'll never be "skinny" but I would love even to be a size 14, I do like having curves and I look at photos of myself from a couple of years ago (ironically when I was with a bf who constantly called me fat and abused me over my weight!) and I was a size 14/16, weighed 13 1/2 stone and hated the way I looked at the time, but actually I looked fine! Even if I could get back to that I would be happy.

  • Hindsight can be wonderful hey?! But think - when you were at 13 1/2 you still felt unhappy with your weight, so it's all about accepting yourself and boosting your self esteem :) I'm guilty of the same thing, of looking back at old photos and saying oh didn't I look good then?! But then I think about how I felt at the time and it was probably about the same as I do now even though I'm 5st heavier and was 7st heavier at one point! 

    Easier said than done I know - one suggestion someone said to me was to have someone else (your fiance probably) write down all the things they love about your looks. It can be a real confidence boost! x

  • I am in the same boat as you ladies, I've struggled with my self esteem over being over weight on the run up to the wedding. I even went so far as to set up a fitness group on here and then never did it myself! It's like I had a mental block against it. The one thing I've done that made a difference was watch the Katie Hopkins experiment where she gained and lost 3 stone. I know she's a controversial figure and not for everyone, but I joined her Fat Club on Facebook and have now brought Fitbit. Suddenly it all feels like small enough chunks for me to process and not be intimidated by. Today is my first Fitbit day and I am adamant I will get to 10,000 steps!

  • TheLegacyofMrsM wrote (see post):

    I am in the same boat as you ladies, I've struggled with my self esteem over being over weight on the run up to the wedding. I even went so far as to set up a fitness group on here and then never did it myself! It's like I had a mental block against it. The one thing I've done that made a difference was watch the Katie Hopkins experiment where she gained and lost 3 stone. I know she's a controversial figure and not for everyone, but I joined her Fat Club on Facebook and have now brought Fitbit. Suddenly it all feels like small enough chunks for me to process and not be intimidated by. Today is my first Fitbit day and I am adamant I will get to 10,000 steps!

    When I first started at the gym I was terrified. I wouldn't even go on the machines and hid in the swimming pool for the first few weeks! 13 months later and I'm signed up to do the Hull 10k (it's a really flat course lol) and I'm fitter than I've ever been. It's so hard not to look at others around you and wish that you could look like that or do what they do, but you have to remember that Rome wasn't built in a day and as long as you keep slogging away, you will soon see and feel the changes! I love my Fitbit, enjoy!!

  • Hi Nicola, 

    Please don't let this worry you, as many of the ladies on here have said; your h2b loves you for you. If you're anything like me, the more I worry the more I eat! 

    My tips to get you started are:

    Look at what you eat. - I always thought I had a pretty good diet, but I started recording everything I ate in an app on my phone (Samsung s health) this was a real eye opener for me. I could instantly see that I ate a lot more than I thought!

    Look at portion sizes - again i was eating way too much

    Stop eating when you feel 80% full. (I always struggle with this one)

    Drink lots of water - at least 1.5-2 litres a day. It helps with retained water and bloating.

    Look at what you're eating, is it the right fuel for your body, or are you just eating empty calories. Whilst you might be able to have somethings on slimming world that are treats, you might find you feel more satisfied with different kind of treats.

    The one I found that really helped me though, planning ahead. - On a Sunday I plan my meals for the next few days. I'll cut my veg and prepare my snacks for lunch. I also plan what I'm having for dinner and I aim to have 4 small meals a day rather than 3 big ones. Having all there ready to go meant I didn't need to think about food, it was just ready to go.

    I've got a portion guide that I found really useful. PM me if you want a copy.

    Putting all that to one side, remember the day is about you and your h2b getting married. So try not to stress and allow yourself to be excited. You'll look amazing no matter what your size if you allow yourself to enjoy it

    x x

     

     

     

     

  • imageimageimage

    Hi Nicola, I read you heart felt post and instantly decided to message you. I am a mobile personal trainer based in east London, I have worked with   many people in your shoes and delivered results, I would love to speak to you to possible offer my services And getting you ready for your big day.

    Please take a look at my website.

    www.silverbacktraining.wordpress.com

    I look forward to hearing from you. Have a great weekend.

  • Thank you so much everyone you've made me feel loads better.  Sometimes I can't help thinking my h2b would like me to be smaller as he talks a lot about eating healthy etc but I know he loves me no matter what.  I've asked him to make a list of the things he likes about me to make me feel better.

  • I suspect what he wants Nicola is for you to be happy  - and thats why he talks about eating healthy because he wants to help you achieve something that will help you to be happier.  Exercise is working for me  . . v e r y sl o o o w l y   but it is working.  I've learned not to put too much pressure on myself by setting myself targets as my fear of failure kicks in and I self sabotage.  Every week i try to do better - that might be making sure I hit all my steps every day, or getting my five a day, or drinking my water, or doing all my gym classes . . .sometimes it comes through in actual weight loss too!  Good luck with whatever you decide to do and bookmark that article from rock and roll bride.  Love My Dress did something at weekend in a similar vein too.

  • Hey

    Amazing article on Love my Dress that Becky33 mentioned- http://www.lovemydress.net/blog/2016/02/from-the-heart-dieting-has-no-place-within-a-wedding.html#more-407418 

    My favourite line is the end again 'Oh, and to the many ‘get wedding ready’ messages out there – bore off.  You have no place in my happy wedding world.' 

    Please don't spam us with your 'wedding personal training' or 'wedding diet' - if people want to they could find you! 

  • awwww no ur not if you would like im doing this myself for my wedding let me know if you would like to join me.image

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