First Midwife Appointment - a little deflated

Hi there, I had my first midwife appointment this afternoon but came away feeling a little deflated - I'm six weeks pregnant and she made me feel like I'm not "properly" pregnant. My GP last week said that the midwife would take bloods, urine sample etc today but when I asked about that she said "it's a little early for all that!" and then went on to giving me an emergency phone number for if I started to bleed. She mentioned miscarriage quite a lot actually come to think of it. I then asked her about scans and testing etc and she was fairly dismissive saying all in good time and lets get to the next appointment at 11 weeks first. I don't know if I'm being too sensitive but I'd got all excited for this first official appointment to acknowledge that this is all really happening to me, but now just feel like it was an anti-climax. I'm also upset as I thought that the first scan would be at 12 weeks but she said it would be at 14 weeks - time is going so slowly! I've only known I'm pregnant for 2 weeks now but it feels more like two months - another 8 weeks to have to wait for the first scan seems like such a long time to not be able to tell anyone. I feel really deceiptful with my mum and friends for not telling them for so long. I'm also not feeling great - morning sickness should not be called that - it goes on the whole day and into the night as well - I haven't actually vomited but just have waves of nausea come over me. I also have flu like aches and pains and shivers all over and so so tired. I know I shouldn't be complaining about all of this but it would just be easier if I could let people know how I was feeling - so far it's only me and hubbie that know. I have to go out tonight to take my mum to a show that I booked before Christmas when all I really want to do is go to bed! When did everyone else tell their friends and family? Now I have to wait another 8 weeks, I think I'll explode!


  • aww, sorry you feel this way hun, I can understand your midwife though as there really is no point going through it all now, not incase of misscarriage but because she'll probably find herself repeating it when the time comes. to be honest i think 6 weeks is a little early for a booking appointment, mine wasn't untill 9 weeks. she probably didn't do your bloods etc as you might not have been pregnant long enough for things to start changing in your body.

    we told everyone at 6 weeks as i'd had to go into hospital and i think they were all wondering, my dad asked my so i couldn't lie to him. maybe you could just tell parents now and then wait to tell friends etc?

    I know how you feel though, im only 17 1/2 and i keep thinking about the labour, i've got a scan to find out the sex in a few weeks and that date just never seems to come.

    Also i went into a&e with heart palpitations (i'd had them for about 3 hours whilst i was just sat down) they monitored me but then it started to get busy and they wanted my bed, we could hear the doctors talking and no lie this is what we heard:

    'bed 10 can go home now shes had her ecg'

    'shall we phone pontefract or cardio?'

    'no she'll be fine'

    'but shes pregnant'

    'shes only a little bit pregnant'

    and that was it and i was sent home, if i hadn't been so tired i'd have argued, how can you be a little bit pregnant? you either are pregnant or your not, i wasn't aware of this hidden stage when your a little bit pregnant!

    try to concentrate on other things so your not 'date watching' it feels like forever before you get to your due date and then all of a sudden you find yourself with 2 weeks to go and a million things you still haven't done because all the way through it feels like you've got ages! x x x

  • libbylou85libbylou85 Posts: 779
    lol, sorry ive never heard anyone say or refer to it as being " a little bit pregnant" surley you are or your not lol, silly ppl.
  • doctors as well!
  • Pootle26Pootle26 Posts: 1,021
    Aww hun I do sympathise with you, it's horrible feeling knackered and sick all the time.

    I'm 9 weeks, went to see my GP when I was 7 weeks, got my midwife appt on Monday, they will be taking bloods, urine an will also give me the appt for the first scan.

    I can kind've understand seeing the midwife at this stage is probably a bit too early as the tests they do don't start til your 10 weeks. The scan should be between 11 and 14 weeks too.

    For us we told my family straight away, I've told my closest friends and hubby's family live quite far away from us but we are telling them this weekend.

    I think if you tell your nearest and dearest then they can support you through this tough time and it is tough. But also (and God forbid) if something were to happen then you still have that very important network there for you.

  • Thanks everyone for your replies - yes it all makes sense when I see it written down - I think I'm just over-emotional! When I get home tonight I'm going to talk to hubbie about telling our parents and also my best friend - she's had two babies and I know she'll be a fountain of knowledge for me at this worrying time. It seems crazy that the part of the pregnancy that we feel the worst in, is the part that we can't tell everyone how we're feeling! I think I'll also talk to hubbie about a private scan before 14 weeks - apparently they cost around £100 and at this point I would pay 2-3 times that for piece of mind! If I book it for 10 weeks then that's just a 4 week wait which seems much more manageable - I'll see what he says. Thanks again xxx
  • DragonMummyDragonMummy Posts: 449
    yeah I had my dating scan at 9 1/2 weeks as we got the dates wrong - all you see is a little bean but it waa a bean with a tiny visible heartbeat.
  • betsygrubbetsygrub Posts: 145
    Sorry to hear that it sounds like you had a similar first experience with the midwife to me. I came away feeling she wasn't interested at all in me or my pregnancy, at least you got a phone number, I got recycled notes that she pulled a page out of and put my name on with a sticker!

    My doctor had told me it would take up to an hour, I was out within 20 mins, and she had spent 10 on the phone discussing her tea and night out. She did book me in for my scan though at this point and I went at exactly twelve weeks. She even wrote my dates down wrong on my notes, so I had a scribble session!!!

    At the time it left me really deflated, like you say, and I felt she just wanted to get me out of there and get home. I haven't seen her since, but did voice my concerns to the next midwife I saw, and she was miles nicer. The I have seen since have all been lovely, and I can only assume that Sid was having a bad day, and I was the last patient!

    As for telling folk, we told our parents straight away, and the rest of the family a couple of weeks later when I was just 6 weeks. I would rather have them know if anything went wrong so they could give us their support. I did have a bleed and an early scan that we kept quiet until after we knew what was happening. Tell people whenever you feel happy to do, my hubby's cousin didn't tell a soul for 22 weeks and is bitterly jealous that everyone knows about our baby.

    I am now 18 weeks, and still being sick whenever the fancy takes me, I seem better if I avoid sweet stuff!!

    Love Bets XxX
  • betsygrubbetsygrub Posts: 145
    is it usual for so little to happen in your first appointment?

    I went for mine today with hubby and we were both quite excited yet it was such a damp squib it was untrue.

    She did no tests, (apart from wee stick and BP, both fine, but she didn't say this, I have read my notes) asked no Q's apart from my maiden name and sent me home with a questionnaire to fill in and I assume to take to my scan, but this wasn't made clear.

    Also she wrote my dates down wrong on my form, I know it was only 3 days out, but it is inaccurate on my file now, should I change it underneath!

    It was all over in 20 mins, (including wee time,) when the receptionist had said we would be around an hour?!

    I didn't ask any Q's as she just wasn't very approachable. My next appointment is at home in a fortnight, so maybe that will be better? I really want a home birth but she has disappointed me somewhat

    That is what I wrote back in January think it's on p24 if you fancy a trip backwards.

    Sorry my posts are so long!!!
  • KazhugKazhug Posts: 191
    It was probably just really to organise your first proper appt. Some midwives do this over phone Next appt will be longer prob about 45-60mins. Your first appt should be between 8-12wks so your first proper appt should be better. Scans can be between 12-14wks but yes you can pay for a private scan before then. She can't take bloods with giving u time to think about them. Hope next one is better for you!

    [Modified by: Kaz79 on March 25, 2009 11:14 PM]

  • jojoberriesjojoberries Posts: 1,037
    i dont want to get shot down by saying this, but i have found alot of midwifes can be really insensitive..... I think coz you are so happy to be pregnant and they see ladies all day everyday in your position they just cant feel the same happiness as you do!

    And in return your left feeling sad! dont worry tho, i think because the first 12 weeks are a little touch and go, she wants to get you to at least 12 weeks.... I'm suprised your gp didnt tell you to wait till then to see your midwife...

    I can promis you when you go again it will be amazing, you'll get to hear baby's heart beat and she will do all the nessacary test. But at this stage you kinda have to let baby do its own thing.

    Try not to feel upset about it all, i have had a few scares during my pregnancy but i know all is well and i'm sure you will be fine. just keep eating well and drinking lots of water and stay healthy for yuo and your new little life. And pleased dont think about what could Oh and make yourseld busy coz the next 6 weeks will probably drag on now!
  • ladyblueukladyblueuk Posts: 1,227
    jojoberries- i agree when i had my son i came across a few midwifes who were so disinterested!

    i'm 19 weeks now and haven't even seen a mw at my gps! i'm not going to either until i'm 28 weeks as its my 2nd baby.

    i have found when you have your first scan you have the booking in appointment where they do give you lots of info- books etc and blood tests. they also ask about family health x
  • Fecking NHS. I remember comming away from all my midwife appointments in tears because I didn't feel like they were actually listening to me or giving me any support/care.

    They just don't, that's how it is.

    That said, I went into A&E for two of my pregnancies complaining of pain and got early u/s for each mwhahahaha. Ahem. First time was just me being paranoid but did net a 10 week scan which would be the only scan i'd get till 22weeks. Second time I had a damned good reason, I was in a lot of pain and they feared ectopic. It was a poor implant and I lost it at about 7 weeks.

    Third one, I didn't get any scans.. I lost it too early.

    Anyway, at this point unfortunately there is nothing you can do but still! They should be a little more compassionate toward their patients! Being dismissive like that is just unacceptable, they should be being reassuring, not planting the fear of miscarriage into your head when it's already there in all pregnant women!

    Anyway, hope everything goes fine and well for you. H&H 9 months to you! Here's hoping your next midwife appointment is a little less crappy.
  • EJoyukEJoyuk Posts: 224
    I really think it depends on the midwife, I am 6 weeks and had my 1st midwife appointment on Tuesday. The appointment took 55min and she took bloods, urine test and talked through everything. I have heard loads of other people say that they have had issues though, maybe I got one on a good day!!

    I am exhausted, never felt this tired in my life and to be honest, not coping with it very well. I also have 'All day sickness'...

    I don't want to complain about it either as soooo happy to be pregnant, so I have tried to keep it all to myself, this is a great way of sharing what is going on. Helps to know that I'm not alone!!

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