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I feel so depressed - will it ever be my turn?!

I know a lot of you will probably think 'If you don't try, it won't happen' or 'Selfish b*tch', but I really need to write my feelings down, and hopefully get some advice/support from you ladies.

Basically, me and Hubby got married in June (about 6 weeks ago) and we'd decided that, because I have PCOS and have been told that there is a 90% chance I'm infertile, we'd start trying to conceive straight away. 6 weeks on - NOTHING. And I don't mean no pregnancy, I mean no sex. We didn't have sex before we got married and so I, possibly stupidly, thought that once we got married he'd be insatiable and it'd be passion and romance 24/7 (especially on honeymoon) but I couldn't have been further from the truth. We have had sex twice since the wedding.

We have discussed it and he insists that he is attracted to me and does want to try for kids etc, so I just can't work out what the problem is. This is causing major issues because 1) I feel very rejected and unattractive, and 2) because no sex = no baby. I've suggested going, either in person or online, to Ann Summers etc to see if we can get something to help us but he isn't interested.

I've tried not to make the 'baby' thing an issue because I don't want to put added pressure on him/us but it is really starting to get to me. I think about it 24/7 and keep breaking down in tears at work etc. I keep feeling pains and bloatedness etc and fantasising that I might be pregnant but I know it's not likely. I've even had to stop myself from doing pregnancy tests because I know that I'll risk being even more depressed when they come back negative (even though I know that that is inevitable).

To make matters worse (and this is where I'll probably sound like a complete heinous b*tch), I think SIL might be pregnant again (she has an 18 month old daughter). They came round our house last night and after they had left I was completely inconsolable. I am panicing that she is going to announce that she is pregnant and I'm going to have to pretend I'm happy for them (when I just can't be (and they are not the sort of family who would consider how it affected me/Hubby) - sorry if that sounds selfish/awful).

I love their daughter to pieces but can't help feeling resentful. She gave birth less than 1 week after I'd found out I was infertile and the first thing she said to me when I went to visit the baby was 'Oh well, you're infertile so I'll just have to have all the babies instead'. Since then she's also said to her friend (in earshot of me and other people) - "I wouldn't let her (meaning me) babysit my daughter - she can't have kids so she'd probably try to kidnap mine" (and she's never let me/H2B look after their daughter (even when she was rushed into hospital they left their daughter with a neighbour rather than me & H2B)). I don't know why this is - I would never harm a child, absolutely dote on her daughter, and I'm also a qualified childminder and first aider so have a good idea of what I'm doing.

My best friend also gave birth 3 weeks before our wedding to her 3rd child so I seem to be surrounded by babies but nobody who understands what I'm going through or how I'm feeling. I'm hoping that someone on this forum may be able to give me some advice - either about a) how I can get me and Hubby more sexual; b) can take my mind off having a baby; or c) deal with other peoples' pregnancies better etc.

Thanks for reading


  • HowExcitedHowExcited Posts: 537
    Hi there

    I don't know what to say to be honest. I can see why you are so upset with hubbie. Have you explained how you are feeling to him? does he know how upset you are?

    Is there any chance that he doesn't really feel ready to be a dad and this is how he might be avoiding it?

    I'd suggest getting on Baby Expert - the sister site to this one. There are forums there for planning a baby and problems with fertility. I'm sure the ladies on there will be able to give you some good advice x
  • StikkioStikkio Posts: 69
    Aww im so sorry and i know how you feel with everyone around you getting pregnant and having kids and its totally unfair.

    Also if anyone is a bitch it is your sister in law honey thats bang out of order!!!
  • Get some nice undies and tempt him back into the sac lol i find the more I'm gettig the more I want
  • Hi sorry to hear about your problem. I can sympathise as we are in a similar situation and got married 30th May. We never said we would try straight away but agreed I would come off the pill. We did have quite a bit of nookie on honeymoon but since I came off the pill we have hardly had any sex life. I think hubby is terrified we get caught out.

    I too am obsessing am pregnant, get upset when other people announce they are pregnant. Our good friends got married yesterday and they will start trying next month and I just think why cant that be us! whens it going to be my turn lol!

    Anyway we have decided to take the focus away from babies by having a romantic weekend away in York end Aug for hubbys birthday. We cant really afford it but we are going to go and have a nice weekend together. I am hoping hubby will warm to the idea of trying before xmas but I wont hold my breath. I just think it could take a few years and I havent got time to waste as am nearly 30 and would like to have our family complete by 35!

    Anyway hun, sorry to ramble on maybe try a weekend away and pack some saucy undies, try not to talk about babies all the time and give hubby a breather from the conversation, men dont think like us and plan like we do.

    Come over to all us broodies are over on there. Its great xx

    [Modified by: Mrs Brown 30.05.09 on July 19, 2009 06:55 PM]

  • It's a big change going from having no sex to trying for a baby. Maybe you need to spend some time enjoying sex, finding out what you both like etc without so much focus on ttc... you hubby could be trying to get his head round the whole thing which is why he's being a bit hesitant.

    Hope things get better for you x
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