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Can someone help me sort out my head?

Ok so this is possibly going to be long so credit to you if you start reading and even more kudos if you finish and reply.

Here we go:

Background to us:

So Hubby and I got married last year and have been together 4 years, we have a three bed home in a alright area although we don't want to stay here forever.

Husband went self employed as a coach a few months after the wedding as his job was making him depressed - he is in a much better place now and doesn't want to go back to being an employee on the 9-5. He has a few 'options' in mind as he doesn't want to dothe coaching forever. One is a consultant option along with some friends that could potentially be quite good as although the pay wont be much better than what he's on now, it will be guaranteed for the length of the contract and the hours will be better. The other is a model business that will essentially be the same as the coaching i.e. potential of irregular / no money and funny hours.

I love my job but it is only a career development till about April next year with pretty much no chance of it becoming permanent, if it ends I will go back to my old job which i dont like (hate the work and shift pattern), plus its about £4,000 less in pay. Therefore, I have no idea what I will end up doing after April and although I don't want to leave my employer (great benefits e.g. maternity) I don't want to go back to my old job but I'm not sure what else may be available at the time.

Baby issues:

So background, over here is where I am in a bit of a mess....

I have become very broody of late although I cannot figure out if I just like the idea of a baby or if it is genuine as everyone around me seems to be having children. I get a mixture of 'When are kids happening now you're married?' and 'You're still young, wait a bit' so I don't know what on earth to think.

I'm 23 this year and hubby is 29 in a few days - he would rather wait till he's 30+, I just don't want to wait too long.

He also has financial concerns which is understandable but if he goes with any of his career options, those concerns will always be somewhere in our minds. He also says he likes how life is at the moment but I can't help feeling that something is missing.

I'm not sure what his real opinion on if / when we have kids but I don't want to talk to much about it as I don't want to wind him up or pressure him.

We've talked about it and even have names but he wont agree to a date when we can make firmer plans or even start trying - he just keeps using the over 30 and financial cards to delay it.


I'm just feeling really stuck at the moment and have no idea what is going on in my head.

Trying for a baby tomorrow is not an option, but I would happily be open to a discussion on stopping the pill on Jan 1st 2011 and leaving it then to fate pending anything major happening before then.

Can anyone offer any help at all to help me get my thoughts straight?


  • AnnaNicole1AnnaNicole1 Posts: 2,435
    I would wait until ur both in stable jobs an u know what ur income and future is going to be like. I really wouldnt try for a baby with not knowing if ur goin to have jobs in the near future for definate.

    Im sure it making u worse because ur seeing everyone get pregnant and have babies i was exactly the same as you a few years ago, it does get better honestly image Just enjoy time with hubby an make some hoklidays and things to keep u busy image x
  • RhubarbulousRhubarbulous Posts: 1,989
    I agree with Anna. You've got so much going on at the moment that I don't think now is the time to add to that pressure by starting a family. Your hubby is clearly not keen - yet. But that's not to say he won't change his mind once your working lives are a bit clearer. Just give it time.
  • char2609ukchar2609uk Posts: 1,539
    Thanks for your replies I really do appreciate it.

    I know this year isn't a good a idea (logically) and I'm happy to wait a bit longer but I just would like some commitment I guess as to when.

    If hubby stays in self employed or contracted work our financial worries wont technically go away. Although I have a job to go to once my career development ends, the industry I work in will be making jobs cuts in the near future (not other way to manage budget constraints unfortunately) so there is still a question mark there.

    I guess I'm just really confused because everyone always says there is never a right time and I can't see us being in a complete financially stable position any time in the next few years.

    I'm also feeling a bit miffed as I'm doing all the 'rainy day' saving which would technically become a baby fund one day.

    Hubby just spends money here and there and has no savings - but he wants to consider moving house next year (v.unrealistic) and he wants to change his car, finish his hobby layout etc etc etc. It sort of seems like we're running on his agenda with him having all the fun and me becoming the banker, the cleaner, the cook etc.

    I just feel that if we had some loose agreement on when we might start trying he might take saving a little more seriously.

    Just want to empty my head of all thoughts at the moment but I guess that wont happen.
  • AnnaNicole1AnnaNicole1 Posts: 2,435
    I think u really need to sit down and have a serious chat with ur hubby. It seems to me that hes doing what men can sometimes do an that go back to when they were younger and be what they really wanted to be! Kind of like a midlife crisis thing lol.

    I think u need to tell him how u really feel and how you picture ur future and yes it might be different to his but there is room for compromise i'm sure??

    I really hope u get it all sorted out hun xx
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