Is it the right time?

Hi, got married recently and we would love to start trying for a baby. It is something we have wanted for a long time but I have some reservations.

- The house isn't finished, we bught it five years ago and have renovated a lot but still have the garden and what would be the baby's room to do. Also kitchen but parents paying for that as wedding present.

- Family issues, I think there might be some issues with my immediate family as I know their feelings about children

- Neither of us earn much, we manage and don't rely on handouts but I would hate for us to get into a position where we would need to ask for help.

- Also my hubby says we would need to give away our pet as he feels house is too small for baby and pet and I can't help feeling that is wrong, we have had him for 4 years.

We both really want a child but my hubby feels we should do it and not worry about the above issues but I'm just not sure. My hubby is older than me and feels he wants to be able to enjoy his children and we would ideally like 2 before he turns 40 but that is only 4 years away.

 

What do you ladies think? Feel free to be brutally honest.

Thanks x

 

Posts

  • blenkibooblenkiboo Posts: 761
    Personally I would say just go for it, there will always be reasons not to...will there ever be a 'perfect' time to start trying.



    Remember it might take a few months for you to fall too, so you've got time to sit and look at finances etc.



    With regards to family, it's your decision, nothing to do with them so sod what they think!!



    If you feel ready apart from little niggeley things like this then I think you would be able to deal with them when you become pregnant.



    Good luck whatever you decide xx
  • cebpickle1cebpickle1 Posts: 6,786
    Hi

    We are in the same position with the house and our daughter is 6 months old. You have time it takes to conceive, 9 months of pregnancy and up to 6 months of baby being in your room. Also they will be a baby then so time to do the garden.

    If immediate family have issues that is their problem you need to make this decision you and hubby.

    Look into your work maternity package and on the direct gov website to see what financial help you may get. if you wait until you can afford it you can keep potponing. And what type of pet is it?
  • nats2013nats2013 Posts: 6,253
    I would say go for it, its all minor things.... except the pet-i think your man is being really irresponsible for a life with that attitude. how much space does it really take up??



    Trying for the baby will spur you to get the baby's room done, child tax credit is not scrounging, its what you pay your taxes for and your family issues probably won't ever go away, you wouldn't let that stop you having children forever will you?



    Good luck and get busy!
  • MRMRS2014MRMRS2014 Posts: 1,279

    I agree you should go for it if you feel ready. These issues are little things really and like nats said it will spur you on to get baby's room done. There is never a 'right' time to have children. Our daughter wasnt planned and we moved into our house the day before my due date, luckily she was 3 days late which was just enough time to get everything unpacked and sorted. We had to decorate her room but she was in our room untill 5 months old so that was plenty of time for us to do it. Don't worry about anything, it will all work out alright.

    Have fun trying and good luck image

  • Do it, theres always a reason you cant!

    p.s dont get rid of your pet unless its a horse and lives in the babies room - how can you not have room?

  • There's no such thing as a good time to have a child.  The issues you mention are relatively minor and can be sorting whilst you're trying and pregnant.

    We've just had the TTC discussion and I wanted to try soon after our wedding, but H2B wants to wait until our first wedding anniversary.  I have agreed to this on the promise he won't put it back again!  It will give us time to finish the big work to the house and save up some money so I can try and have my 6 months mat leave (I'm the bread winner and might not afford to go to half pay after 2 months!)

  • Thanks everyone for taking the time to read my longwinded messgae and give your opinions, it has really helped. Lilymou - your comment really made me laugh, no horse, only a house rabbit. He's a very small rabbit but his cage isn't and I'd be willing to compromise that he becomes an outside rabbit as much as I'm not keen on the idea but not sure if hubby is willing to compromise at all on the subject.  I guess none of the issues are huge on their own was just feeling that maybe with them altogether I was being a bit irresposible.  I think my biggest issue is that my parents will think it's the wrong time and they will use all these reasons to justify that position. I know I shouldn't worry what they think but I would like them to be happy and not disappointed in me. x

  • picklepickpicklepick Posts: 1,141

    You said we could be brutally honest so here goes.......

    Your husband wants to get rid of the rabbit because he doesn't think it will fit in with having a baby?! Are you serious?? It's a living creature. That's so irresponsible. Rabbits can live for 7/8 years, maybe even up to 12 dependent on breed.  I'm quite disgusted at your husband's attitude tbh. And as for not being willing to compromise, what's is that about? Is it his rabbit, or yours? He sounds very controlling.

  • BeckylouukBeckylouuk Posts: 151

    I agree with Nat, Lily and Pickle - if my husband ever suggested that we get rid of our dog or rat before having a child he would be the one out of the door. An animal is a responsibility - in my opinion you are ready for a child when you are secure, financially and emotionally, and are ready to take responsibility for another living thing and put their needs before yours. You also need to do this when you get a pet.

    It's also cruel to put a hosue rabbit outside when they have lived in the house for most of their life.

    I apologise if this sounds harsh, I think your husband is putting you in a difficult position and acting immaturely. If you want a baby you will make it work and an unfinished house isn't the end of the world. If you can afford maternity leave and then childcare then go for it but don't let your pet be put aside for this.

  •  I think from his point of view he is trying to be pragmatic. We live in a small two bedroom house and the cage is huge. I totally agree it would be wrong to have the baby sleeping in the same room as my rabbit so it does leave a bit of an issue at to where to put him.  I am not good at being sensible when it comes to animals, my house would be like a menagerie if I had my way, so I have suggested we keep him in the utility room but as we keep food there it would be unhygenic, so thats out.  I'm really not sure what the answer is.  He is my rabbit so I guess I'm a little more emotionally attatched but that doesn't mean my hubby doesn't like him or wouldn't miss him. I don't think he is controlling, I think he just doesn't let his emotions get in the way of decisions. I will talk to him again about this though.

    Thanks x

  • PinkafroPinkafro Posts: 1,211
    If the rabbit is out most of the time then it doesn't need a large cage. Is it trained to only pee and poop where it's meant to? If it is you can rabbit proof your wires and let it hop about when you're home, and put in a small bunny or dog cage when you're out. You could keep it in living room or hallway? But I do agree get rid of the pet isn't the best attitude when deciding if you are ready for a child.
  • PinkafroPinkafro Posts: 1,211
    P.s. we have (outdoor) rabbits going on 12 or something ridiculous. They can't see or hear anything bless them but they're still going!
  • He does have his  litter tray and uses it most of the time.  I'm going to try and bring my hubby round to the idea. It seems like out of my list of issues the rabbit is the only one that people feel is really a problem so I guess if I can work on that we might be ready to go.

    Thanks

  • Maybe he doesnt like ickle Wabbit image sounds like it! 

    Dont get rid of it, throw the hubby out and have a baby anyway hehehehe

    p.s glad you liked my horse comment image

     

  • Here's what I think...



    House being finished isn't an issue as long as it is warm and clean it doesn't matter...when Harry was born ours was mainly unfinished but he didn't really care about the paint colour image



    Screw your family...it's your life! And I'm sure once baby is here they won't be able to stat away.



    I'm sure there are people out there worse off money wise, there are ways round this...claiming benefits etc. You can do cloth nappies, if you breastfeed you save on formula. There are rear second hand baby things around and I'm sure people you know with kids will be willing to lend/give you items.



    Irony really see why your husband wants to get rid of your rabbit? you get emotionally attached to pets and I can't see how anybody could just let one go. Sure the cage might be big but a rabbit in itself is annice creature that will bring no harm to a child. In fact I think having a pet is beneficial to a child. Keep the rabbit, it's nit an issue!



    I don't think at all you will be irresponsible bringing a child in tithe world and it mass me sad when people say that...all a baby wants is love and if you can tie that then what else matters. Good luck!x
  • Ps sorry for spelling mistakes my phone does what it wants sometimes!x
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