One or two?

My LO has just turned 18 months and we're starting to have the conversation about whether or not to have another one. I don't think I can picture us with another one but is that really selfish? I don't know anybody who is an only child to ask how they felt about their childhood. She's really close with her cousin so I don't think she would be lonely but I'd hate to think of her missing out on that bond as I'm really close with my sister. On the other hand, financially we could provide her with a lot more if there was just her and I know it sounds stupid but I don't know whether I could love another one as much. I know it's a decision nobody else can make for us but would love other people's experience/opinions.

Posts

  • MrsPar13MrsPar13 Posts: 821

    Believe me you will love another one just as much as your 1st.

    You can look at things logically, having one child will more often then not have more pro's than con's but you need to make a heart felt decision on this. 

    You won't regret having a 2nd child but you may regret not having one but if you don't think you will then that tells you what you want to know surely.

  • DrBridezillaDrBridezilla Posts: 1,018

     

    Hi,

    This popped up on my you and your wedding page but I wanted to comment! Hope you don't mind!

    I am an only child and I don't think it's selfish at all! I have really enjoyed being an only child and have definately benefited from not having to share attention and financial resources. I'm also really close to both of my parents - but that could have nothing to do with it, who can tell?

    Remember that just as you can't imagine not having a sister, I can't imagine having one! (I find my friend's siblings a total mystery!) I'm sure whatever you decide your child will feel the same. 

    My H2B is an only child too - I think it's partly why we get on so well! I do worry that our children wont have even one aunt or uncle but I'm from a big family with lots of cousins so I'm sure someone will step in... My parents have made sure I'm close with the extended family and also made a lot of effort to help me have close friends. They also chose to send me to a mixed school as I didn't have a brother!

    I'm sure it'll be great, whatever you decided image xx

  • PinkafroPinkafro Posts: 1,211

    I haven't had any children but I'm an only child and I was happy image my parents wanted more but it took them a long time to have me and after spending lots more on IVF they decided to stick with the one they had! My mum was paranoid about spoilt only child behaviour so made sure I was often with other kids my own age so that I got used to sharing my things. I am quite close with my cousin too (shes my bridesmaid now image ) and though we didnt live very close I did see her like a sister. My dad was great at playing with me but I definitely learnt how to play alone and developed a huge imagination! It has stuck with me really as I do cope well just spending time with myself and enjoy alone time. But I'd like to think I'm fairly well adjusted and good with people as well! I work in customer service role at the moment (poor me!) so I need to be image

    You would definitely love a second one just as much image but I know what you mean from a financial point of view!

  • Hi, I don't have any children so I probably shouldn't say anything but I just had to say I hated being an only child. It's something I feel really passionately about and I know my hubby would prefer one but I have always said 2 or none. It probably depends very much on the individual circumstances though and you have to do what is right for you. Friends are all very well but families are complicated and I felt that if I'd had a sibling they would have been able to share an understanding and that it would have been a more enjoyable childhood. Only children have all their parents hopes and beliefs all on their shoulders. My autie once told me that she felt older chilren change the way younger children get brought up as parental attitude changes and of course parents usually mellow as they have been through it all before and I thought that is probably true. I have found that other only children I have spoken to say the same as me, that the parents tend to be more strict and that there is more pressure. My parents arn't that bad but grrowing up is tough for everyone in someway so it would be nice to share that. Also means can share burdens in later years like looking after elderly parents and helping each other out when the parents pass on. My Mum's sisters were a huge help to her when my Gran passed away.

  • lccarrinlccarrin Posts: 201

    I'm an only child and for the most part I like it that way. As Drbridezilla says I can't imagine having a sibling and don't know any different. I spent a huge chunk of my chilhood training as a competitive swimmer and now work teaching swimming which I adore. There's no way mum and dad would've been able to tka eme to all the training sessions and competitions if they'd had to look after a sibling and help them persue their interests too as it took up so many hours of the week. On the other hand mym mum's an only child and I saw her go through a really tough tim when my grandma, her mum, went into a home as my mum had to deal with it all by herself and in the back of my mind I do dread hhaving to cope with potentially aging parents on my own (morbid, I know, but the experience left a reall impressio on me). My husband has an older sister who he does not get on with at all, and perhaps because of this we've decided to stick at one child (although our daughter is only 6 weeks old so we could still change our minds!) Mostly the practical and financial elements helped us make our decision

  • mrslewis12mrslewis12 Posts: 121
    I'm not an only child, quite the opposite I'm the eldest of 11! I loved every bit of being part of a large family and never ever felt like mum couldn't afford for me to do/pursue different things. I disagree with iccarrin mum and dad have always made sure we have pursued our talents, and work very hard to make sure they can afford to do so. For example my sister who is talented at dance goes to every single tap/modern/ballet/jazz lesson, every show and mum and dad are there supporting her the whole time. We have never felt left out or unable to do anything because of our family size and it's lovely to always have someone to talk too.



    However I have a 5 year old and though don't want as many as my mum I definitely want her to have a sibling. I can't imagine her missing out on all that I had and the relationship/bond me and my siblings have. She is also getting to that age where she is constantly asking for a brother or sister which you may have to deal with too in a few years time. When Ella was 18months I couldn't imagine having another but now I've enjoyed my time with her, watching her grown into the little person she is, I feel ready for another and to do it all again.



    At the end of the day it's you and your hubby's decision but there is no rush, just take your time think about it logically and I'm sure you will make your decision image
  • cebpickle1cebpickle1 Posts: 6,786
    We are in disagreement about this. My husband says 1 and I want 2. Though our lo is 6 months old and I have said I won't try for another til she is at least 2 as a bit more independent. I have several friends who have just had their second when yheir first turned 2. And they found it really difficult the two year old constantly wanted their attention too. For friends where their lo has been nearly 3 it has been easier and the older one has been more involved.

    Others may disagree.

    We will only have 2 though as wouldnt be able to afford days out with more.

    Our sil has 4 and the children miss out on treats from us as we see something for one we know they will love but cannot multiply it by 4. Might be different if they lived locally

    My want for another child comes from lo only having mil as her grandparent and sll of her aunts and uncles living abroad. My cousins children are similar age and see each other often but not the same
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