About to come off the pill and feeling down (Sorry long one)

Hi all,

Just need to vent really. I'm 2 weeks away from finishing my pill pack and will then be 'having fun and seeing what happens' with plan to start actively TTC in January if no luck prior.

My problem is that after wanting to start trying for a baby for 3 years, we are finally in a position to do so and instead of feeling excited, I feel that it’s overshadowed by my mum and my sister, basically over a holiday…

My mum, sister and I originally planned to go away in Feb 2013.  I hadn’t told them that I was planning on TTC but knew that because of when we were due to start trying, I would be at most 6 months (if I got pregnant straight away which is unlikely) and I thopught that would be ok.

Anyway, the start of this year my sister told us that she had been TTC for 8 months, with no luck and was going for tests, which then showed a low egg count, and she was given Clomid and put on the list for IVF.  Knowing how long these things can take and that hubbie and I were TTC later in the year I confided in her that we would be trying from this September.

A few weeks later, and without even taking the Clomid, my sis discovered she was pregnant image.  She’s due in November and this is where the trouble starts.

She felt our holiday in Feb 2013 would be too soon after the birth and said she wanted to put it back to May.  We hadn’t booked anything yet, so it was fine.  It would mean that if I did get pregnant as soon as I came off the pill I wouldn’t be able to go, but I’m fine with this as it’s so unlikely we’ll be that lucky and after 3 years of waiting I don’t want to put it off any longer!  I explained this to my sis (not my mum as don’t want everyone knowing we’re TTC) and she also seemed fine, however, she’s obviously said something to my mum about me TTC…

The day sis said she was pregnant and we discussed moving the holiday, my mum turned round and said ‘You’d better not get pregnant too, we don’t want to have to cancel the holiday’.  A few weeks later it was ‘We’re going at the most expensive time because of you (I’m a teacher, so during school holidays) and we won’t be impressed if you cancel as we could have gone when it’s cheaper’.  She then also told me that her friend had asked what if I got pregnant too, as ‘No one wants to be dragging a pregnant woman around with them’.  I’ve lost count of the amount of times that both my mum and my sister have asked me (and my husband!) whether I’m definitely going to go on the trip, though neither will give me a straight answer as to why I wouldn’t be!  And the latest is that as my hubbie works sessional hours, he’s not in full work at the minute.  The flights needed to be paid in full upon booking and as we’ve only got my wage over the summer I said it would be better for me to wait until September to book as we’d have two wages and wouldn’t have to dip into our savings (which, due to the account, would mean we lost money on interest).  Both of them started badgering me about the cost of flights going up and that it needed to be booked now,  so I booked theirs and decided I’d book my flight separately in September…which has just made the whole, you’re not going to come thing worse!!

I just feel like what should be an exciting time is now completely overshadowed by this whole thing.  Firstly, now that my sis is having their first grandchild, my mum has gone from making comments about when I have kids, to practically ordering me not to get pregnant; I feel like if I was lucky enough to get pregnant she w


  • maybe it would be best to be honest and say you may not be able to go then so it may be best that you don't book a flight in sept? or wait until sept n decide then depending on if pregnant or not.  my mums answer to my news was oh that means you can't go with me on spa days now, first your sister gets pregnant and couldnt and now she won't cos of baby and now your pregnant! said to hubby most mums say congrats! it is very selfish of her to say you shouldn't get pregnant! 

  • cebpickle1cebpickle1 Posts: 6,786

    Is your sister planning on going abroad and leaving a 6 month old baby at home? You have to work out priorities for you here, is it baby or holiday.  TBH I would have not booked anything had a time in mind and booked last minute if you were all able to go

  • I would let THEM book their holiday and keep out of it, If you can book last minute then go! Its hard to please everyone! Stick to your plan!

  • Foz140607Foz140607 Posts: 419

    They have booked, but I feel pressured to book in September.  I'd rather book later, as if it's a toss up between baby and holiday baby definitely wins!  If I was pregnant, I prob wouldn't want to go anyway as money could be better sent on the millions of things we'd need to buy but I'm not holding my breath that I will be pregnant, who knows how long it could take?!

    It's not that I don't want to go with them, it's just that it keeps being implied that going away with them should be more important than anything else.  It seems hyporcritical when my sis obviously didn't feel that way when she decided to TTC when we were planning on going away, and I feel hurt that now that my mum is getting a grandchild off my sis, she seems to think me having one is less important/should be put off to accomodate them! 

  • Think of yourself and not them and tell them to do one, if ythey cant understand then they arent very supportive are they and you dont need them

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