Nightmare first night home

Hi everyone, I'm looking for some advice. I had baby Noah last Sunday at 35 +5. We came out of hospital today after 6 days of antibiotics in case of a strep b infection (negative) and 3 days under a uv light for jaundice. Through all that Noah was calm, settled and we finally managed to establish exclusive breast feeding a couple of days ago after a difficult start as he wouldn't sickle from me and then had to be bottle fed formula to flush jaundice out. He started waking every 3 hours for feeds 48 hours ago but getting home this evening seems to have completely thrown him off kilter. As soon as we put him in his Moses basket he screams and I haven't the heart to leave him as he is so tiny and doesn't understand yet. He wants to constantly feed if we try to put him down rooting around but if we hold him he will sleep. Dad and I are taking shifts but are really struggling especially as I am already so sleep deprived doing all if the looking after from 8pm-9am for the last week. Does anyone have any advice on how to get him down successfully as can't do many more of these nights Especially as dad will be going back to work and is a tree surgeon so I will need to do all the getting up at night as I don't want him sleep deprived and having an accident with a chainsaw! Xxx
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  • Wow awful typos and grammar, sorry! Xxx
  • cebpickle1cebpickle1 Posts: 6,786
    Hi

    So what type of feeding are you now doing. We had a comforter that we had in out bed to get our smelll that we then put in the moses basket and that helped. Try putting lo down in it awake as the put down action can wake them. To have such an established routine in the first week is inusual ssorry and baby must be a bit stressed from the hospital so wants your comfort and cuddles. Was it light or noisy ib hospital? Have you wrapped him as he was in hospital crib? Home at the moment is the strange environment. we had to take the hood off the moses basket

    Babies do try and feed a lot at night initially it natural and they are quite nocturnal. You need to try and get sleep in the day while you can. Can hubby or someone have Noah for a couple of hours while you sleep?
  • Hi cebpickle, thanks for your reply. I am now exclusively breast feeding - didnt realise he would want more at night so that's interesting. For the first four days I was waking him for feeds but in the last couple of days he has been demanding them every 3 hours. It's just tonight it's been constant. It was a LOT hotter in hospital so he is in a grobag with blankets as just the vest and sleepsuit and blankets as in the hospital was not enough and he was cold. It was also quite noisy with a very vocal baby next door. Maybe I'll try some music.



    Yes hubby can have him tomorrow. He has already done one night shift tonight so letting him get some rest now xxx
  • MrsDunksMrsDunks Posts: 1,027
    Hello, and congratulations on your new arrival! I hate to say it but what you are going through is totally normal, especially if exclusively bf'ing as Noah will be digesting the breast milk quickly leaving him hungry again! I used to dread the evenings as Chloe would feed hourly from about 6 until 3am and scream when put down.



    The good news is it doesn't last long, soon you will both find a little routine that suits you both and Noah will get used to his surroundings. I found the soothe and glow seahorse to be a miracle worker at settling Chloe, along with a dummy (which I'd always sworn I'd never give!). It's also never too early to establish a bedtime routine so he gets to learn the difference between daytime nap and bedtime (like cebpickle says he will be nocturnal at mo from being in your tummy). Try a little bath and play at 6pm ish then a nice massage with baby lotion, pjs, cuddle and then milk in a dim room.



    Good luck and try to get hubby to help where you can, having a new baby is exhausting for everyone but bf'ing can reaaaally drain you - my hubby def took it for granted that I had to get up for every feed and took a step back, and I felt too guilty to ask for help. When he did help, even just if he sat up with me during yet another feed at 2am holding my hand it did wonders for my sanity! Make sure you eat and drink plenty too as you need the extra cals - don't worry about losing baby weight just yet! Enjoy cake for at least 6 more weeks - I still am 7 months later! Feel free to pm me if you need any bf'ing help or advice, it can be pretty tough at times. Enjoy this wonderful time with your newborn! xxx
  • cebpickle1cebpickle1 Posts: 6,786
    Unfortunately no one really tells you how nocturnal a new breast feeding baby is but as Georgi says things do get easier. I am still bf now and my daughter is 1 next week.

    My other tip is just be careful Noah doesn't overheat. if the room is 16 to 20 degrees at night all they need is a long sleeve vest, sleepsuit and 2.5 tog gro bag as this goes round them it is more insulating.
  • picklepickpicklepick Posts: 1,141
    Sorry you're having a tough time hon. Have you got family near by that can help you out?



    It was exactly the same for us and I know it's not much help now but it really does get better. We were in hosp for a week too.



    Try to teach him the diff from night and day early on. Keep night feeds quiet, in a dark room, no talking. Day ones, make sure you are in daylight, lots of noise, talking, TV on, etc.



    In the end I had to set up for the night on the sofa, be resigned to the fact that night times are no longer for you to sleep, you just catch some sleep when he does no matter what time of day it is. I used to watch TV with subtitles at 4 in the morn!



    Gracie went through a stage of only sleeping on us. Remember that he's spent nine months in your womb, being alone is scary and unusual for him. My tips are to swaddle. You sound like you're putting too many layers on him now. They really over do it in hospital. Follow normal guidelines now you're home. When you say he's child, how are you checking? You should touch the back of your hand to his chest. Babys always have cold hands and feet. We warmed the basket mattress with a hot water bottle but take it out when you put him in. The biggest tip I have is shushpatting. Google it. It really worked for us. Gracie goes off now most of the time really easily



    I hope it gets easier for you quickly. I honestly thought id be sleeping on the sofa for the rest of my life but by week 4 Gracie learnt that night time was for sleeping, she would settle with a shush pat within a minute, and we moved back into the bedroom. My hubby now does one feed a night and he usually sleeps through the rest.
  • Thank you ladies, you are superstars. Finally got him off at 5.30am in Moses basket in his warm nursery with birth music playing and soft light. I slept on the floor next to him for 3 hours.



    Mrs dunks you sound like me with dummy thoughts. I have also got soothe and glow seahorse on my to buy list but hadn't got round to it when he arrived!



    Cebpickle makes perfect sense about them being nocturnal - I hadn't thought of it like that!



    Pickle pick in going to look into shush patting now. Will also try less layers tonight and your advice re noisy/quiet feeding sessions.



    Lots of proactive things to do - thank you all so much! Xxxxxx
  • cebpickle1cebpickle1 Posts: 6,786
    No problem is there someone you could ask for the seahorse? Lots of family members asked what we wanted.

    Just a thought have you tried the moses basket by your bed?

    Picklepick very generous of you to move to the sofa for 4 weeks.
  • Well my baby shower was supposed to be yesterday but postponed as he arrived so early! So maybe we should wait til after that though we do have a years worth of 20ps to use for bits like that. Also looking at getting cuskiboo comforter. Moses basket is right next to our bed, he just didnt like it! Xxx
  • cebpickle1cebpickle1 Posts: 6,786
    Stick with it it is new that is why had comforter
  • Stay strong Hun these first couple of weeks are so hard. Just be prepared to be stuck to the sofa for a while. I ended up sleeping in bed with my little girl as its the only way she'd settle. You'll find out what works for you soon. He's trying to establish the milk supply so that's why he's feeding often. That and he has a tiny stomach so its always small and often. Make sure you sleep when he sleeps and don't stress about it. Do what you feel is best & don't listen to people being negative. Mostly enjoy it. The closeness is amazing. X
  • EllieKate83EllieKate83 Posts: 1,431
    I Co slept at first too & was lovely, after 2 terrible nights where she wouldn't settle until 4 or 5 in the basket, a midwife suggested Co sleeping & e all got way more sleep. I think its totally normal & like the others said, you just have to ride it out. I was actually advised to go to bed all day & all night with baby, mars bars & TV remote. I didn't, but looking back maybe I should have done!



    My lo has been in her own room since 3 months ish.We have good nights & bad nights but she can sleep through. I still shush her to calm her down sometimes. You'll find something that works for you all & things will definitely improve soon.
  • Thank you so much all of you. Will let you know how tonight goes xxx
  • cebpickle1cebpickle1 Posts: 6,786
    Good guidance on co sleeping on isis infant sleep info source website
  • RRrr2011RRrr2011 Posts: 1,262

    Stay strong hun - it will get better. We were actually the absolute opposite and Esmé was horrendous in hospital (to the point where the midwife took her away to settle as I had been up for 3 days with labobur and then she was still crying at 5am! Even they struggled to settle her (she had fed off me for 3 hours so solid to the point where I was in tears and then they bottle fed her to top her up!) We were told by the midwfie that she needed a dummy to soothe as there was no way she actually wanted that much food. 

    We also had a noctornal baby!! We had to teach the difference between day and night - things we did were night feeds in the dark - always dress the baby in the morning and don;t just leave in sleepsuit so they recognise a change in the day - bathtime routine from as early as possible - dont take during feeds in the night and don't make eye contact. Took us a few weeks but we got there. 

    SEriously though - as hard as it is just make sure you enjoy each moment. I remember looking forward to the 'magic 12weeks' when sleep apparently gets better and now I just wish for those first few weeks! 

     

  • MiaLeaceyMiaLeacey Posts: 1,184
    I definitely recommend co sleeping. There are ways to do it more safely. It gets easier. Good luck x
  • oh2bmrsjoh2bmrsj Posts: 569

    it will get easier - everything is new to him - different noises - different smells .

     

    you are exhausted too , you will soon develope a routine suitable for your family .

     

    my ds had a cuski - it was a fabric type thing that i slept with first and then gave to him - and believe me he is nine now and still asks for it,  !!!!! usually if hes not feeling well .

     

    good luck and congratulations - enjoy every minute it goes too fast

     

     

  • Thank you again. We are having quiet bedtime feed in the near dark with some very quiet music playing so hopefully he will go off successfully. Have put a cuski on my present list if anyone asks, that and the fisher price soothe and glow seahorse and a moby sling now we are bfing successfully. I'll let you know tomorrow (or maybe in the early hours!) how we got/are getting on. Xxx
  • oh2bmrsjoh2bmrsj Posts: 569

    good luck hun , and i promise life will get easier - and well done on th bf - i couldnt get on with it and kicked myself over it , but you know what - you have to do what is right for you xxx night .

     

    p.s cuski ( not expensive ) and our best firend still - although he wont tell his mates that lol x

     

  • MrsDunksMrsDunks Posts: 1,027
    Hope you have a better night image Best thing I did was just accept that I was in for a rough night and relax about it instead of fretting and over thinking things. It sucks now but in a few months you will be longing for Noah to curl up on you and sleep! I had a lovely 2 hour snuggle with my girl while she napped today as she wouldn't go down in cot and I enjoyed every second... Though she is a lot bigger than she used to be! Sleep tight both of you xxx
  • cebpickle1cebpickle1 Posts: 6,786
    I had never heard of a cuski before we just have several of the cuddly toy attached to a fleece ones and my loves snuggling them
  • This sounds exactly like Harry was when he arrived home! They are establishing your milk supply I think? No1 seems to tell you that babies don't like Moses baskets and sleeping away from

    You!! Or I was just naive!! It does get better but please sleep in the day and accept all help offered to you! And make the most of the gorgeous cuddles and special bonding time you two are having together so so precious! Congratulations and gorgeous name! I hope you had a batter night last night xx
  • Thank you. He wouldn't settle at all in Moses last night. Actually, I tell a lie, he did a whole 10 mins. I woke hubby up at 3am to take him before I passed out so have had 3 hours sleep. Just hope we get him down for a bit before hubby goes back to work as I'll be doing the whole night then as he is a tree surgeon so far too dangerous for him to be wielding a chainsaw while sleep deprived. Well onwards a upwards I guess!



    Cebpickle, the only reason I am looking at cuskis is because I am terrified of Noah suffocating on a normal comforter which we do have. The cuskis are breatheable and used in special care baby units so I figure they must be safe! They also hold your scent much more effectively so apparently excellent at soothing babies to sleep. Might have to order those today rather than waiting for someone to buy them! Xxx
  • oh2bmrsj and any others who can help, whereabouts in the Moses basket do you put a cuski or comforter? Is it below their armpit or do you put the ball next to their face and tuck the rest under their arm? I know they are breatheable but I have an irrational fear of Noah suffocating. And I said I'd never be a fussy mother!image
  • cebpickle1cebpickle1 Posts: 6,786
    We placed the comforter next to Caitlin. Didn't tuck it in. Have you tried the moses basket in the day? To get him used to it.
  • Hi cebpickle. He is in it now - has been for 45 mins! Why does he not go down at night????? Think it's nap time for me now while I can! Xxx
  • cebpickle1cebpickle1 Posts: 6,786
    Yes do. it is because he doesn't understand day and night. He will just sleep and wake when he wants for a little while and he must want to be awake then
  • Yes it takes them a while to get used to day and night! Harry used to have a really long nap between 12 and 3 usually when we were waiting for midwife or had visiters ha! I just use a normal comforter slept by him? Keep it on our bed in the day? X
  • mol1977mol1977 Posts: 307
    Hi there, I had my baby early too. He only weighed 3lbs 15oz and was about 5lbs or so when we brought him home. We had problems with him sleeping in his moses basket too. The neonatal midwife who came to the house used a couple of rolled up blankets and put them inside the basket, almost like a nest. It made the basket smaller which helped him to feel more secure. She also suggested a hot water bottle, obviously only to lightly take the chill off. The health visitor wasn't too impressed with the nest but I figured the nurse who actually worked in special baby care knew more than she did! It's really hard, we were feeding every 3 hours but it was taking nearly an hour to feed therefore it was in theory every 2 hours. It really does get lots easier but also I do think you get used to functioning on less sleep eventually. Good luck xx
  • Hi



    I just wanted to second what everyone has said really. I guess repeating is a bit pointless but just wanted to add to the numbers who say it will get better. As mentioned earlier make night time feeds very different to say time, by things like a bath/bed routine, nighttime feeds in the dark etc. is the Moses basket downstairs in the day and upstairs at night? Chloe wasn't early but we did make the mistake of having the Moses basket downstairs with us right up until we went to bed. In hindsight I would have had the Moses basket downstairs snd then after the bath time feed I'd have put her upstairs in it with a monitor. I think the upstairs/downstairs thing makes a massive difference.



    Also as mol said, you do get used to functioning on less sleep; as much as you probably don't want that to be what happens! Chloe is 9 months and teething at the mo do last night she was up crying from 1.30-3.45 so i was up with Her. I'm currently five months pregnant and was remarkably perky today; she doesn't nap in the dsg until lunchtime so I didn't get to catch up, but still managed a 1 1/2 hour walk before lunch. You honestly will get there, whether it be Noah getting better or you getting used to it; probably a bit of bothimage



    Lots of love and fingers crossed for tonight xxx
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