Could be overdue - could have a new born - would you go to a wedding?

Hi ladies, just after people's opinions really. I'm currently 18 weeks pregnant and due 28th june we have just been sent a wedding invite for the 1st July. Now I could be super fat and swollen and overdue or the baby could have come early and so will only be days old. I am not sure if it comes on the due date I will be in the best state to go to a wedding 3 days later but I am seriously considering going if the baby is a week or so early. I was just wondering what people's thoughts are? And if any ladies who are heavily pregnant or went to weddings at a very late stage in pregnancy and how did they feel? Obviously everyone is different so some people may have suffered greatly or some people may have felt great that late on.. I'm just interested to see what your thoughts are? Sorry if this doesn't make a lot of sense.. I'm writing it on my iPhone and can't actually see what I've written very well!! Xx

Posts

  • Flossy17Flossy17 Posts: 289

    I was invited to a wedding which was 8 days after my due date. I declined. As it happened baby arrived that day. I certainly wouldn't have felt comfortable being overdue and wouldn't of had the confidence taking a newborn, especially as I found the first few weeks challenging in terms of breastfeeding / lacking sleep / recovering from a difficult birth. However I'm sure many ladies may feel differently. Just go with what feels best for you x

     

  • cebpickle1cebpickle1 Posts: 6,786
    Where is the wedding in relation to where you live and whose is it? I wouldnt travwl if overdue then and a whole wedding with a very new newborn could be too much. do they know you are pregnant? Would they be ok for you to let them kmow depending on how the pregnancy progresses
  • Personally, I wouldn't go. We have been invited to a wedding 2 weeks after our due date and I've declined. I'm not sure I'd be comfortable at that point to leave my baby with someone else, and I couldn't expect the bride and groom to just have a newborn baby there! Plus, I could be late and having the baby at that point, in which case that's two meals that they could have saved their money on.

    So yeah, that's just my opinion though!

  • MrsKW2011MrsKW2011 Posts: 1,592

    well they do say that first babies are unlikely (not impossible though) to come early, and most dont arrive on their due-date.

    I went to a wedding a couple of weeks prior to my due date and just wore a maxi dress which didnt look too bad.

    If I had been in your situation then I would have declined...however, once we got Zak home he would literally have a bottle followed by a nappy change then sleep - then the cycle repeated over and over with only short spells of him being awake, so looking back it wouldnt have been the end of the world to take him along to a wedding...However, when he did wake he would SCREAM for his bottle, so wouldnt have been great having him in a church etc...

    But it is entirely up to you.

    Could you take someone along to the wedding who keeps LO outside in a pram whilst you sit in on the service, then just stay at the reception for a little while so that you still get to go and share their day, but without committing to too much? xx

  • The wedding is over an hour away and it's my husbands best friend who he's known since he was 12 (now nearly 40) he was an usher at our wedding and hubby was originally asked to be best man but we had literally just found out we were expecting when we found out the date of the wedding so hubby turned the role down. They do know we are expecting due to this. I've said to hubby that he should definitely go to the ceremony and will just see what happens with me. Hubby is going to ring him at the weekend to explain the situation and I'm sure his friend will understand.

    I appreciate your comments ladies xx
  • Hi MrsK - posted at the same time! My hubby's parents will be going to the wedding due to the families being good friends so we will have them there to support us.. I think we will just explain and see what they say - maybe a good idea to decline the wedding breakfast so there isn't an extra cost for them and then if we can go to the ceremony it will be a bonus xx
  • ditzidancerditzidancer Posts: 1,145

    aww what a shame image I was two weeks over in June and it was really really hot and everything just ballooned up, full on duck waddle, no shoes fit and so tired all the time so i'm afraid to say i wouldn't have been comfortable at a wedding.  If its a couple of weeks after your lo here you might feel up to it so never say never i say. I'm sure when you explain they will understand xxx

     

  • JoeyClareJoeyClare Posts: 2,737

    My cousin was one of my bridesmaids when she fell pregnant and was due July 30th. She decided not to be a bridesmaid (as we didn't know if she'd be still pregnant, no longer pregnant or waters breaking on my wedding dress!), but she still hoped to be a guest. She was booked in to be induced on July 31st, nothing happened for a few days and she had the baby on August 2nd. It hadn't been the easiest labour and they kept her in till the morning of the wedding so she couldn't make it. I don't think she'd anticipated how she'd be feeling physically after the birth. 

  • LadyofThePerfectManor wrote (see)
    I definitely would not go - giving birth is a traumatic experience for the bbody you get stitches at best. If you get a C section you won't be able to even get up! You'll be having baby blues, baby will need feeding every 3 hours IF YOU ARE LUCKY!
    For me this is setting you up either for a nightmare or for letting people down at the last minute. Sorry if I'm very emphatic.

    wow... talk about scaring the poor girl.

    No, you will not have stitches as standard. . and it won't be a traumatic expierence, Yes babies do need feeding often as they are clever little things establishing your supply if you should wish to feed yourself, Baby blues are common but mostly, you'll be bursting into tears overwhelmed with how much you love them, and you'll be running on adrenaline though tired image Honestly- Giving birth is an incredible thing- you'll be amazed at what you and your body have acheived.. as for heading to a wedding- if your overdue (and remember, due dates are guess dates- 2 weeks before or over is perfectly safe and you needn't be induced at 14 days over either, your baby is safe and you can request more care and monitering.. you don't need to evict them if you'd prefer them to come by themselves..) Going 'over' can be dissapointing so having a little outing to the wedding for a few hours might cheer you up, equally you might be really tired and prefer to rest, honestly you need to take each day as it comes image .... BUT, i think staying at home with baby if they have arrived pre-wedding is best. You need time to soak it up, and get used to your new lives .. getting out of the house is a bit of a mission and you might not even want to consider it.. I'd phone them and ask when they'd need your reply back latest, and see if you can just play it by ear on the day image Good luck mama. xx

  • HRoper2bHRoper2b Posts: 563

    We were invited to a wedding a few weeks after our due date!  Sam was two weeks late and we didnt make it!  Partially as I just wanted to spend time and absorb my little man as much as possible, however if we had had support at the wedding like you have then we probably would have gone to be honest!

    We did got to a christening on the 1st/2nd May in Sunderland (from Manchester) when I was due on the 15th!  We took my hospital bag and the car seat and researched where the hospitals were!  It was lovely to get away and enjoy ourselves.  The only thing I would say is that I naivly thought there would be no prob getting back if I went into labour as I would have hours!  Ummm, Sam was so quick we wouldnt have made it back so I would say if you are still pregnant just make sure you do a bit of research first!

    Hx

  • If it were my wedding & you and your hubby were that close I'd hope that you'd talk to me and I'd be happy for you to not RSVP and just see how you feel at the time. It's absolutely your call but you have no idea how you'll be feeling etc. Speak to the couple & see what they say.

  • MrsKW2011MrsKW2011 Posts: 1,592

    Obviously everyone's experience of childbirth is COMPLETELY different, and everyone responds to actually having a baby differently so I cant speak for anyone else ... but, me personally, I had contractions for 35 hrs and was in "active" labour for 19hrs before Zak finally arrived (I did have an epidural for quite a lot of it though so it wasnt nearly as bad as it sounds), and ended up with 2x 2 1/2cms external tears, a tear on the cervix and a prolapsed cervix which all needed to be stitched back up and put back into place, so I was kept in hospital for 2 days but honestly I could have bounced off the walls because I was so happy to have my baby here!

    Dont get me wrong, there was a little bit of discomfort if I sat down a certain way, but the only thing that kept us indoors were visitors, and when my inlaws came up a few days later, hubby and I were ushered out of the house so that we could get used to leaving him (we only went for 30mins as I didnt want to be away long).

    I definately didnt have even a hint of baby blues - just pure, unconditional love (...I was prepared for baby blues, even gave hubby info on it so he could pick up on it quickly if I did have it)

    - So you could be absolutely fine and want to go, or you might feel like its the last thing in the world that you want to do.

     

    When I went to the wedding a few weeks before my due date, it was roasting hot and my feet were SERIOUSLY swollen but I had a great time, even managed to get up on the dance floor every now and then, and stayed right until the end of the night...so again, you just dont know how you'll feel.

     

    here is a normal and swollen pic of my feetimage

    image

     - I just wore my dolly shoes/ballet pumps which I had been wearing throughout the pregnancy so they were nice an loose by this point x

  • We were invited to a wedding 2 days before my due date & one 6 days after. We just went to the ceremony of the first one as like you said, didn't want them paying for meals just in case. Second one was my cousin & I was determined to go either way. Turned out I was 6 days overdue so I was able to go & was really glad of getting out & doing something! However, I literally could see the hospital from the reception venue plus they just had a buffet so I wouldn't have felt so bad if we'd missed it. I will say though that even though I was sure I would have taken baby if she'd been here, once she arrived it all changed! I had an emergency c-section so was in hospital for a couple of days and then didn't leave the house for at least a week after. Plus I still looked about 8 months pregnant because of the surgery so definitely wouldn't have wanted to find a dress to wear, haha! x
  • MrsDunksMrsDunks Posts: 1,027
    Hi! I went to a wedding 2 weeks before my due date, but was only 15 mins from home, and halfway in the direction of my hospital! I was fine but it was end of may and HOT, my feet resembled hot hair balloons like Katie's did after 5 mins in some very old and comfy sandals!



    I would probably decline in your situation but like others say maybe go to ceremony if still pregnant. Or let hubby go on his own? But I def wouldn't go with a newborn. I hated seeing my baby passed round like a parcel and it was two weeks before hub and I had a day with her on our own... Next baby, grandparents can meet her but then our door is staying firmly closed for a week!



    My baby girl was due on 8th June, I went into labour on 8th and had her on 10th, so babies can come on time! Xxx
  • roo10roo10 Posts: 722
    Hiya,



    Weddings are always a tricky one.



    We had a wedding beg of June, 6 wks after my due date so we knew at best we'd have a 4 wk old. I was induced a few days after due date due to high bp, & we went to the wedding (hubby's cousin) & Chloe was 5 wks old. It didn't really occur to us not to go but looking back we didn't realise how life changing a baby would be. Chloe did sleep alit of the time & we had hubby's family helping out to give us a break, but on hindsight I wouldn't do it again. An earlier post said you can expect stitches at best - not strictly true, I do know a couple of friends who had no stitches but the majority have done, whether its a tear or episiotomy. At the time ypur just want the baby out safely & its only when the pain killers/epidural has worn off that the pain comes - & its very painful! And worst case you could have c section.



    Also, post birth experiences are very different, pain, mixed with trying to bond, trying to breastfeed, lack of sleep etc is very hard to cope with.



    Maybe say you'll try fir the service but in reality would you really want to travel an hour for a ceremony & (assuming) further away than your hospital?
  • EllieKate83EllieKate83 Posts: 1,431
    We actually had the exact same situation at our wedding with one of the ushers. His wife was due on 29th March & we got married on April 9th. They planned that she'd go to the ceremony with or without the baby, but then go to a friends house rather than to the reception. He planned to attend the while thing. As the bride I honestly didn't mind what they did & was happy to have a place/mall for her that she might not be able to have but also happy to let them decide, so talk to your friends, they may have strong feelings or not at all. In the end the baby was still on hospital with a chest infection on our wedding day, but as it was no longer serious, just observations, the dad did attend the wedding & did actually carry out his usher role!



    From my perspective, I was 11 days over due & would have loved the distraction of a wedding. I didn't feel in much discomfort, just fed up of waiting. I had a very long latent stage of labour & it took me 4 days to go from 0-4cm si during that time I was just at home, or on the beach, or out walking trying to speed things up.

    The day after our baby was born we went shopping in town & out for lunch (this was my first baby but apart from a tiny tear that needed a single stitch I had no real collateral damage so it's not all doom & gloom). Anyway i'm rambling. I hope this sort of helps.
  • Morning..

    Thank you all so much for your opinions, experiences and photos i really appreciate it all. I guess anything can happen and i know that im just going to have to wait and see as like you all say i wont know how im feeling or what the situation will be until the day comes.

    Hubby will talk to his friend and explain the situation and im sure that they will understanding our predicament.

    Ladyofthemanor - i appreciate your honesty and i know that births can be a very trumatic experience.

    EllieKate - ive got everything crossed that i feel the way you did and baby is over due. ha ha!

    Only time will tell though

    Thanks again xx

     

     

  • picklepickpicklepick Posts: 1,141

    I went to a Christening when I was 4 days overdue, but I was the Godparent, so I made an extra special effort! I don't think I could have coped with a whole wedding. The ceremony or just the evening do might have been ok, though. Only because you do a lot of standing around waiting at a whole wedding and I could barely shift my weight by that point. I couldn't have stood around waiting for photos, having a drinks reception, etc.

    And if it was for after she was born I wouldn't have been able to go. I had a section and we were in hospital for a week because of infections to both of us.Then when you finally get home, you have to stay in the house waiting for the midwife. Plus, after a section, you're allowed to do nothing! Ha can you tell I'm bitter about that?! image

    I think you're doing the right thing by playing it by ear. If you were my friend I'd totally understand the need for you to let me know at the time!

  • mrspodmrspod Posts: 219

    my 1st was 2 days early, and although i had a reasonable labour i did have some stitches, i was out the house shopping 2 days later but only for short periods of time, it felt like my cervix might fall out, not sore but my muscles hadnt returned, also my bladder had a bit of a mind of its own for the 1st week, also midwifes are in and out for 1st 2 weeks, and if its anything like my area your just told a day and we had to stay in until they arrived, including weekends. I would decline also i think.

  • Just wanted to give you all an update. The wedding has actually answered my question for me... I didn't read the address and just assumed it would be where the couple live - its actually a lot further away than than, about 4 hours ! Oops! There is no way we will be able to go and the grandparents to be wont be going either due to the distance problem.



    Thanks again for all your input xx
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