Just dont feel ready

Hi Ladies

We got married in August 2012 and have been enjoying married life since however recently hubby would really like a child but I just dont feel like im ready yet.

Do you think that some people will just never feel ready and just needs to take the step or do you think it will all come in time?

I tend to think alot about things mainly the negative things about it all, ie the labour, the expense, the sleepless nights and panic how I will cope. I know hubby will be great and will do what ever he can to help and make my life easier.

Thanks for listening x

Posts

  • I dont have much advice to give, but i thought id let you know i feel similar!

    i have never ever been broody, and dont really want kids but OH does eventually. i have taken the attitude of i guess i will have a kid someday coz that what u do, but i agree with panic about cost etc its a really big decision. people i know have not been baby orientated but once they get pregnant they have changed and become brill mums. x

  • BabyZebedeeBabyZebedee Posts: 2,421

    I wasn't going to comment but now I've read it I think I should. I never thought I wanted babies, was perfectly happy for 36 years. I didn't believe in the biological clock. How wrong I was, it all changed overnight. I had a dream about babies and that was it ( previously I would've woken and thought thank god that's not true, on this occasion I woke and knew I wanted babies). 

    The point of my story is, you will know when you're ready, dont force it.

  • welshgracewelshgrace Posts: 1,224

    Hi Clare, I was an August 2012 bride as well.  My husband is a few years older than me and has been desperate for a child for a long time.  I managed to put him off for a while but eventually he won me around.  It took 9 months of sort of TTC but I am now pregnant.  To be honest I still don't feel ready, but I don't think I ever will.  I feel very selfish, but the main reason I would have wanted to wait a bit longer is for financial reasons.  In our 8 years together we have mostly been in debt.  Then we were saving for the wedding, then paying off the honeymoon because hubby was made redundant a few months before it was all due to be paid.  Thankfully, after a crap start to married life, he now has stable job and is earning money again.  We are now very fortunate to be in the position where we could have holidays like our honeymoon most years (went to New York for our 1st anniversary), and still enjoy a comfortable lifestyle.  We have a decent disposable income and I just want to be able to do what I want with it (nice handbags etc image ) rather than having to hand it all over to a nursery so that someone else can raise my child while I look after other people's kids...

    Don't get me wrong, as selfish as that all sounds, I am delighted to be pregnant as I know how fortunate I am.  I just would have liked to have lived freely and carefree for a little while longer.

    I'm quite sure that a baby smiling at me will give me much greater joy than a designer purse and that holidays as a family will be more fun that 2 weeks on the beach.

    Everyone always says, you are never fully ready for the changes a baby will bring but I suppose it depends on what kind not ready you are.  If it is just about the fear of coping, don't worry - everyone assures me that you just will, because you have to!

    If it is more serious, then perhaps waiting might be better for you.  Just bear in mind that it might take a while xxx

  • Thanks for all your replies ladies, im worried about that then too, how long will it take to conceive! im just being selfish too as i feel not ready to give up my wee nights out and not having anyone else to worry about but as you say welshgrace when a baby is smiling up at you that will all change, congratultons on ur pregnancy xx 

  • Just to add, I would say that if you don't feel ready, don't try.

    We planned our LO, I thought I was ready, but nothing whatsoever prepares you for motherhood.

    If you get pregnant you do just have to deal with it, whether you were TTC or not that's just how life is going to be, but I really would say to wait until you do feel ready, because even now, 7 months post partum, I'm not sure that I really was at all.

    Plus it's all well and good for a bloke to want kids, because honestly their life doesn't really change afterwards, whereas for me it was like my world was turned upside down and some aspects were great but others not so much. I resented my husband for a long time for being able to just become a dad but stay exactly the same.

    x

  • ClareD2bClareD2b Posts: 88

    Did all yous ladies come off the pill alot earlier before trying to conceive? I would like to give my body time to get back to normal if that is possible but afraid in that time that I will get pregant!! Did you's just use condoms as protection before TTC?? 

  • MrsTwizbeMrsTwizbe Posts: 3,352 New bride

    I married in July 2011 and we had always said we would wait 3 years before having a baby. We are a bit ahead of ourselves and started to ttc in Jan. I came off the pill then.

    Before then we just were not ready. We were always in a position to be financiall OK with it, but we liked out young. London lives too much. Now - we are in our 30s and it just felt like the right time, and that we wont miss what went before....

    Not really explaining it well - but when you are ready, you will know.

  • Little-pickleLittle-pickle Posts: 1,136

    I came off the pill in June last year as it was completely ruining me! but we knew we wanted to TTC within a year so just seemed right and used condoms for couple of months but we got lazy and after our wedding in sept gave in and TTC. We got our bfp in the dec.

    i was one of the lucky ones and my body fell straight into a 28 day cycle so I'm surprised we didn't fall sooner tbh! 

    So I'd just say make sure your careful if you come off especially if your not ready as you never know what will happen. 

    Xx

  • ClareD2bClareD2b Posts: 88

    Mrs s what do you mean the pill was ruining you if you dont mind me asking? Im a mess on it!! One of the reasons im looking off it at the minute. I have completly lost my limbo and that alone is causing alot of tension between hubby and me. Plus always feeling down, im blaming the pill as i was the complete opposite before

  • BabyZebedeeBabyZebedee Posts: 2,421

    Oh Clare, I can assure you your libido will improve if you come off the pill

  • ClareD2bClareD2b Posts: 88

    Do you mean it baby zebefee?? I think its the only option to save my marriage at the minute just need to be extra careful as dont want to conceive at the moment, just as long as we get our life back! 

  • Little-pickleLittle-pickle Posts: 1,136

    I was a hormonal mess!! always up and down, short temper, very emotional, and lost my libido completely too!! It returned after coming off but went again after BFP and still waiting for it to return image Xx

  • lawveelawvee Posts: 1,378

    Hubby and I have been married almost six years and are now expecting our first. We have had a great life just the two of us and it was never the right time to try for a baby before. Some people do say you never feel entirely ready but I would disagree. Both hubby and I are absolutely ready. I do think about how we will cope with one salary for a year but that's just trying to plan and be organised rather than it being a major worry.

    I guess I would say if you don't feel ready then don't try for a baby. You may end up resenting hubby if you feel like you're trapped at home with a baby you weren't ready for.

    I got my bfp the first cycle so don't assume it will take ages and you might be ready by the time baby comes along as it may happen quicker than you.think!

  • BabyZebedeeBabyZebedee Posts: 2,421

    I do mean it, the pill didn't really make me grumpy or anything but we rarely dtd, it didn't matter much to either of us, we both seemed happy with cuddles. But when I came off it I found I would initiate sex a lot more, especially when fertile (here's where you need to be careful with a barrier method) because the cervix raises and the sensation of dtd is much more enjoyable (not that it's not enjoyable normally but it enables deeper penetration without that ouch there's my cervix sensation).

    however, I don't think you should rely on it to save your marriage. Intimacy helps but communication is more important in maintaining a good relationship in my experience. Try to discuss it with your hubby, see if you can get a better idea of what is going on for both of you x good luck

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