Pregnant and anxious after previous miscarriage

Hi ladies,

A lot of you already know my story - 1 CP in July last year and a mc at 6 and a half weeks 8 weeks ago. Anyway I got my BFP this week which is amazing as it was the first time I ovulated since mc, but I just don't feel the same this time around. I feel robbed of being naively pregnant and happy, instead I'm v detached from this pregnancy, not wanting to look at anything baby related, and v v anxious that it may all come crashing down again. I took the mc pretty bad in January and still haven't really got over it (even cried this week about it, although I think being over emotional May have been a sign of this pregnancy).

Anyway, I'm just looking for how others in this situation have coped? And maybe some success stories? I just hate that this isn't in my control, and if it's going to happen it will happen. I also worry that if everything goes well whether I will be a bit detached from this baby as I'm not as excited this time around - if that makes sense?!

xxx

Posts

  • VicNVicN Posts: 1,352

    I'm not TTC though I do often lurk on the TTC thread and love to see when people 'graduate' from the thread - I haven't personally experienced what you've gone through but one of my very good friends at work has had 4 MCs - one about 6 years ago, then had a little boy who is 5 next week. In the past 18 months she has had 3, all fairly early at about 6 weeks ish, but the doctors didn't seem to be able to come up with any reason why it kept happening to her - she was just incredibly unlucky. She had pretty much decided to give up as she didn't want to put herself through it any more, and just focus on the one she had. She did end up getting pregnant again and once more, started bleeding at around 8 weeks. Rushed to the hospital fearing the worst but found that her baby was hanging on. Baby Eleanor was born exactly on her due date, yesterday morning. Because of all the heartbreak that went before her, she is even more special. 

    I can't offer anything practical to you but I think that is a success story to make you smile, of someone who has gone through it and come out the other side with the one thing she wanted more than anything. image 

    I'm sure that even though you are tentative now, as your pregnancy progresses you will be able to relax and enjoy it, and I'm sure you won't feel detached from your baby.

    Will be sending my good vibes your way! Take care of yourself x

  • Futuremrsm3Futuremrsm3 Posts: 124

    Hi Funky, sorry to hear you are feeling anxious, I totally understand why and am in the same situation myself. I had a mmc in December, found out at my 12 week scan which just happened to be 5 days before my wedding. I'm also now pregnant again, 7 weeks so far, and feeling so many different things. I've been trying not to get my hopes up too much, in the back of my mind I feel like I'm waiting for something to go wrong again. i have a great GP who has a scanning machine and did my first scan last week at 6+2, Can you go for an early scan in your area? If not, perhaps go privately, I felt so relieved last week to hear everything looked good and that there was a heartbeat. It helped to reassure and calm me down. I am sure, like me, you've read everything there is to read about miscarriage, and the fact is that ultimately it is out of our control, though statistically it is unlikely to happen again and the chances are you will have a successful pregnancy. Sorry, I know it doesn't help much. The hardest thing for me is not being in control.

    I am avoiding all baby related things until the 12 week milestone, feels like a lifetime away. But just try to focus on one week at a time and going easy on yourself. I've been eating lots of my favourite foods, having nice baths, and generally just trying to be as stress free as I can. I'm slowly getting there so I'm sure you will too, if you want to chat anymore I am here xxx

  • ButtonmoonButtonmoon Posts: 924

    Hi funky

    first of all congratulations!

    secondly I completely understand how you feel. After our mc in January we hae both looked at this pregnancy completely differently and have kept our emotions in check . We have oue first scan on Thursday and are both excited and petrified at the sane time. There isn't much advise to give in my opinion just take things easy and day by day. The worry never goes away and I still knicker watch now. I don't think it'll ever go away entirely but in hoping that if all well at scan this week we can start looking forward rather than trying to stay in the now.

     

    its terribly hard to swollow what will happen will happen but you will be ok. just take every day as it comes. Try not to worry about symptoms. I didn't have hardly any till 7 weeks and tbh haven't had much in the way of ms which has made me have some concerns but just have to remember you cannot be symptomatic ever second of ever day so try to be rational and take things as they come.

    we are not a success story yet but despite my fears am hopeful that come October  we  will be able to say we are.

     

    big hugs. Talk to your husband about your concerns , confide in a friend so you have a neutral party to talk with. And most of all try and enjoy it as much as you can. xx

  • RedVelvetRedVelvet Posts: 1,297 New bride

    I haven't been in your shoes, but I too have a friend who is a success story. She somehow managed through 11 mcs before having two children close in age (15 months between). How she coped through 11 mcs I'll never know.

      I read somewhere a nicer way of seeing repeat mcs, as most women who suffer several mcs will feel something is wrong with them as they can't complete a pregnancy. Instead this one woman had read an article with a different view. Their wombs are just too welcoming - they're super fertile. Fertilised eggs that would normally not lead to a pregnancy at all due to errors will be allowed to implant. As if their womb is saying "everyone gets a chance here, come on in!". This will lead to an early mc as the embryo simply isn't fit for life. But they'll often fall pregnant again quickly, hopefully with a different outcome. It may not make it any easier for you, but I thought it was a touching way to see it.
  • LadyLamLadyLam Posts: 369

    Hi Funky. I still nosey on here now and again so hope I can help. I got pregnant in dec 12 and didnt feel pregnant from the start. Had a bleed at 5 weeks but didnt get scanned until 7 weeks as too early. Scan put me a few days behind but saw the heart beating. 2 weeks later   I bled again but much worse and scan showed my little one was no more. It was awfulas you well know. We took their advice and waited one cycle before trying again and we were lucky enough to get our bfp 2 cycles later. You cant help but worry but I just kept telling myself it was a different pregnancy and my stressing would not help anything so I took oneday at a time. Allow yourself to enjoy it and get excited as what will be will be. I am delighted to say my son is now 11 weeks old and the light of our lives. It sounds harsh but had we not had the MC he wouldnt be here brightening our days. I really hope your bean is sticky butjust go with it. X

  • FunkyBride2BFunkyBride2B Posts: 1,183

    Thank you all for your replies image it is nice to know what I'm feeling seems normal given the circumstances and lovely to hear some success stories. I know statistically I have more chance of having a healthy baby than another mc so the odds are in our favour. I'm only 4 weeks (tested early) so obviously it is very early days. When I had the mc the nurse told me to request an early scan so I will definitely do that, my poor hubby has only ever seen bad news on a scan so it would be lovely to actually see a little heart beat.

    RedVelvet I too read that article about being "super fertile" and that is how we are looking at it. To be honest although we have been TTC for 19 months we weren't DTD at the right time (false gearing ups) so we have only timed it right 3 times and we have gotten our BFP all of those times, I know we are so lucky in that respect because a lot of lovely ladies struggle with the initial conceiving.

    I don't know anyone who's had a mc i.e friends so this is the only place I feel I can relate to people.

    Thank you all again, I may take you up on the offer of having a message chat every now and again. For now I will try to take each day as it comes and whatever will be will be xxx

  • LadyLamLadyLam Posts: 369

     My little Munchkin! X

  • FunkyBride2BFunkyBride2B Posts: 1,183

    Aww LadyLam he is gorgeous!! 

  • MrsCNW2MrsCNW2 Posts: 14

    I've been exactly where you are, i had a CP and then a normal cycle and then a mc and then conceived when I ovulated after my mc. I now have a very lively healthy 15 month old. I won't lie,I did really worry over most of the pregnancy and always felt like I wasn't allowing myself to get too excited..but it did get better. I had a private early uss scan at 7/40 which helped a little and then as soon as I started to feel movements the anxiety did decrease. Try as much as you can to enjoy it but what you're feeling right now is normal and you will feel better soon as things progress. Take care and get lots of rest. Xxx

  • nestypienestypie Posts: 651

    Hello funky, as you know I've also had a mc, and I did the exact same thing as all these ladies, the first few weeks we didn't talk about it and didn't look at anything, didn't want to think about being pregnant, as you probably know too I also bleed and had two early scans, the second time it actually looked like a baby and we thought we need to let go and try and enjoy being pregnant. It is really hard but you will get to that point, I think I'm going to be a knicker watcher until they are born! 

    I got myself a Doppler and listened to the heartbeat everyday from ten weeks, I've stopped now as I can feel movement but it helped me to keep positive and calm. 

    make sure your gp sorts out an early scan for you and in sure you will feel much better once you get further along image 

    one of my friends has miscarried and two people I work with and still I feel very alone, but that's why I love this forum, it's fantastic for support and I couldn't have got the ought ttc and the mc without it. So everyone here is here to support you and get you through! image xx

  • ButtonmoonButtonmoon Posts: 924

    Just playing devils advocate regarding early scans but my gp didn't want me to have one due to the miss dating factor which would of worried me but more so she didn't want to make it real for us and make any potential problem later down the line harder. As she says nothing is garenteed and as a gp and my friend disn't want to risk it.

    its been a very long wait for this Thursday scan but I must say it has helped not seeing button yet. I am in the dark on whaya happening in there and My worry is still there but it isn't all consuming anymore and I think I'd of worried more if I'd of had a chance to see them already as another loss would of been even harder after that personally. 

    Its an rnajorly personal  matter though so everyone feels different just wanted to say my ppint of view

  • nestypienestypie Posts: 651

    Hope you have a fab scan buttons image 

    a scan was important for me because I didn't know why I was bleeding and I just want to know they were ok in there but yes as you say everyone is different, something might calm me down but not you, although they were able to date me at 6 +3 when I had the first and the last 3 scans I've had have also agreed bang on the date. 

    It shows you that there can be some happiness after a loss tho, everyone here has a much happier story to tell image xx

  • ButtonmoonButtonmoon Posts: 924

    Luckily nesty I haven't had any reason to needs Scan early this time so yes very personally in requirements.

    thank you. Thursday can't come quick enough but no am very scared at the same time as being excited.

  • FunkyBride2BFunkyBride2B Posts: 1,183

    Good luck at your scan buttons.

    Had some twinges/light cramping in my stomach today, is that normal? I just think I'm over analysing every twinge....

    Today at work dragged, I just wish it would fly by to at least 12 weeks then maybe I can relax x

  • Polly27Polly27 Posts: 680 New bride

    Hi funky, sorry to hear about your previous miscarriage and cp. I too had a cp in nov 12, got pregnant again December 12 and went for a scan at 8 weeks and there was no heartbeat and I miscarried naturally around 12 weeks. I left it a cycle after my miscarriage then got another bfp in March 13. Like you I was anxious not wanting to get excited after what had already happened, I even convinced myself in the first week that it was another chemical pregnancy and made a doctors appointment about it ( was obsessing with the lines on my pregnancy tests and convinced they were getting fainter). Anyway turns out wasn't a chemical and I now have my perfect little boy who was born on 16th December. i know it's so hard not to worry, I did but as time goes on you'll feel more relaxed andso many of us have had miscarriages and then gone on to have perfectly healthy pregnancies so hopefully that gives you some reassurance. I got twinges/ cramps with my pregnancy all totally normal. Xx

  • FunkyBride2BFunkyBride2B Posts: 1,183

    Thanks for replying Polly, reading your success story has made me realise that maybe it will happen for us image  I just need to relax (although easier said than done). Both my cp and mc started when I was at work (and both on a Wednesday coincidentally) and I think being there today just reminded me of what happened previously. 

    I don't feel so alone as so many of you have replied and have been/are in a similar situation to me, so it's lovely to have ladies to talk to who understand how I'm feeling x

  • nestypienestypie Posts: 651

    Buttons everything will be fine and you will see a little baby this time, it's amazing, I burst into tears! Hehe

     

    funky - period type pains are normal, it's the uterus stretching already. I still get them now and when I concentrate on what the pain really is, I can feel it's a stretch or pulling sensation rather then classic period type pain. It's lovely to read stories like Polly's, gives us all hope image xx

  • MrsCNW2MrsCNW2 Posts: 14

    Polly-our stories are so similar and my baby boy was born on the 17th December (but the year before your little one)! 

    glad you don't feel so alone funky. It's scary but will be totally worth it in the end image xxx

  • FunkyBride2BFunkyBride2B Posts: 1,183

    Nesty - yeah I'm sure the period type pains are totally normal! I'm just noticing every twinge hoping it doesn't get worse, although I'm trying not to think like that.

    MrsCN - I think because no one I know has gone through this it makes you feel like it's only you that have had these problems, that's why I love this forum, it just shows me what I've been through is actually v similar to lots of ladies xxx

  • coco1981coco1981 Posts: 246

    I don't know whether you already know a little of what happened to me Funky but I guess so far I'm a hopeful story. It took us 12 months to conceive our son who was born in April 2012. When we started trying for no. 2 I fell pregnant straight away (much to our amazement!) but had a miscarriage at 8 weeks. I was able to be quite philosophical about it but I'm sure having our beautiful boy helped with that no end. I was determined to try again straight away and amazingly fell pregnant on my next ovulation. I'm now 38 weeks pregnant and everything has so far been pretty textbook. 

    I'm naturally a very cautious person so still can't relax until baby is here, safe and healthy but I don't think the miscarriage has changed me, that's just the way I am. One thing I have made a concerted effort to do is talk about the MC and not allow it to be a secret. I didn't want my friends to go through the same thing and think they were the only one so I talk about it a lot, which I'm hoping in some small way will help to stop it being such a taboo subject.

     

  • coco1981coco1981 Posts: 246

    I'll be keeping everything crossed for you and your rainbow baby x

  • EllieKate83EllieKate83 Posts: 1,431

    I just wanted to wish you congratulations & lots of luck for the next few weeks.

    I have been very lucky so far with both ttc & pregnancy, but my mum miscarried her first baby & was always very open about it.  She had 4 more successful pregnancies subsequently.

    When I was pregnant with my first, we didn't really believe it or get excited until after the 20 week scan (We both knew too many people who had suffered losses, or struggled to conceive) & we couldn't love our 22 month old more now she's here image

  • FunkyBride2BFunkyBride2B Posts: 1,183

    Thanks EllieKate, it's always nice to hear success stories image I'm just trying to take each day as it comes and maybe to plan little weekly things to keep my mind off everything. I'm hoping that will make the time pass quicker! Just really hoping and praying that it's our time this time x

  • FunkyBride2BFunkyBride2B Posts: 1,183

    It's good that you have talked about miscarriage with your friends coco, I haven't actually told anyone about ours, I do think this has probably made things worse in hindsight because keeping things all to yourself and never letting it out isn't good for you, and like you say if you're friends ever suffered a mc they wouldn't feel so alone x

  • MrsChompMrsChomp Posts: 490

    Congratulations Funky! As you may remember, I had an early m/c at 6 weeks back in June (which was possibly ectopic), and then got my bfp on my third cycle post-m/c. This time around, I'm not going to lie, I was a crazy woman for most of the first trimester! I had terrible cramping up until 10 weeks or so, and spotting at 7 weeks (I think it was) which did nothing to help my fears. I tried not to get emotionally attached, I had my GP pretty much on speed dial at one point, and I cried most days out of pure anxiety. For me, an early private scan at 8 weeks helped a lot.

    As you can see from the number of comments you've had, you are definitely not alone, and previous m/cs does not mean that it will happen to you again. I've no easy answers as to how to cope with these horribly anxious first few weeks, (and the way I dealt with it is probably not the most rational way!) but I can promise you that it does get easier as you reach each milestone. I have everything crossed for you that this one is your sticky bean. Try to stay sane, but don't worry if you have moments where you fall apart. It's all completely normal. xxx

  • FunkyBride2BFunkyBride2B Posts: 1,183

    Thank you MrsChomp image I have to keep telling myself that this is a whole new pregnancy and what happened in the past won't necessarily happen again, although it's hard! I'm most anxious and worried in the mornings I've found, and every time I go to the loo it's like I'm on constant knicker watch. I hope to have a scan in a couple of weeks, and pray that this time we will actually see our little bean there. I'm hoping that if we get past 6 and a half weeks maybe I'll de-stress a little as I've never got further than that. I'm glad everything is going well in your pregnancy x

  • Hi Funky, I had a very early mc in jan, i was maybe about 4 weeks and had bleeding constantly i just knew it wasn't right. I then fell pregnant the next cycle of trying and I'm 10 weeks now, I'm still on constant knicker watch i don't think that will every go, once i got to 6 weeks i did start to relax more and see every week now as a major milestone, i still find myself googling mmc etc but I'm trying to stop as its no good for me.  This time around has felt completely different to last time I've not had one bit of blood and also had quite a few pregnancy symptoms which started around 5 weeks, the vomitting started around 7.5 weeks  and i was over the moon lol, it eased off around 9 weeks and i was really worried but it seems to come and go.

    I didn't go for an early scan, hubby wanted me to but i felt it would make me worry more, just my personal feeling, I will probably have my 12 week scan in the next 2-3 weeks and I'm just hoping everything is going ok this time, i honestly believe i would know if something was wrong.

    The weeks are dragging for me too and i can't wait to get the first trimester over, even tho i probably will still be worried until baby is here, its natural.

    I never told anyone about my mc either as i didn't want to upset anyone else, i have however just told hubbys parents and my mum when i told them i was pregnant and they both wondered why i didn't tell them

    FC crossed this is meant to be this time xx

  • FunkyBride2BFunkyBride2B Posts: 1,183

    Hi MrsBrown - I'm glad things seem to be going well for you this time image I find myself googling mc all of the time, it's really not healthy and I need to make myself stop. Part of me wants an early scan because we've never seen a nice scan.....but part of me is scared in case I get too attached and then something happens later on down the line. I wish I could just wave a magic wand and not worry but hey wouldn't we all! I just hope things work out as I'm worried about the emotional fallout if not. But then I have to think of what the nurse told me after our mc - that the odds are in our favour that the next pregnancy would be fine x

  • FunkyBride2BFunkyBride2B Posts: 1,183

    I'm not sure how to stop obsessing over every little twinge and cramp, especially when I'm at work. I'm more scared if the worst happens of it happening there...

    Oh well nearly the weekend. I am a POAS addict and am doing it everyday, luckily the line is getting darker everyday for now x

Sign In or Register to comment.