help no children.

Hi guys 

Me and my partner are really struggling with how to tell my family about how we don't want kids under the age of 5. We have told his family and best man and they are fine with it and understand. But my sister who son will be just over a 1 year old we don't want there and as we don't have the best relationship anyway I feel like she might not understand even tho she never had any children other than our other sister kids who are 8 and 11 and are very mature. Any help would be great


  • Lou85Lou85 Posts: 1,850 New bride

    The important thing is that this is your wedding, so you should be entitled to decide. Most people are happy to leave kids at home - we had a no child policy and no one cared: having said that we did invite children who were in the wedding party. That's includes my 5 year old brother (Paige boy) and three 2-year old flower girls. That was it. Most parents like the night off!

    If you decline your sisters child, realistically who is going to be able to look after him? He is only 1...she might not come. If youre ok with that then go ahead but tell her in person rather than letting her find out when she gets the invite. 

    Good luck x

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  • vicky58vicky58 Posts: 2

    Thanks for that feel a bit better now. As for who can have him over night I no that my sister partners part ts have him quite often that why I no she can find someone to have him. I keep trying to get her face to face but she don't want to for whatever reason so unless I can it will have to be on the invites. 

    Thank for the help.

  • MC98MC98 Posts: 211

    I would definitely try and speak to her beforehand if you can.. We are in exactly the same position (it affects H2B's brother). We told him beforehand, but it still hasn't gone down very well, you may have to prepare for her to decline the invite altogether. If you're not that close to her this may not bother you? We're thinking about having to make an exception just so his brother will be there, but I definitely would echo the other brides in that it's no ones day apart from you and your OH's, so it's 100% your decision!

  • Polly27Polly27 Posts: 680 New bride

    I wish my brother and sister in law had banned children from their wedding then I might have actually been able to enjoy the day, I think most parents of young children prefer to go to weddings without them. That being said one of my husbands closest friends it's getting married in September and no children are invited which is fine by me, but I'll have a newborn (could be as little as 4 weeks old) and if I'm breastfeeding I doubt I'll be at the stage of being able to express  so I won't be able to go. A few people have said just ask if you can bring the baby and I've said absolutely not. I don't want them to change their plans because of me and have a baby there when they didn't want children there. My husband can still go and I'll try go to the church with him (leave my mum outside with the baby) but it's absolutely not a problem from my point of view. The only thing I feel bad about is not being able to give them a definite answer until nearer the time. It annoys me that people feel they have the right to dictate to you who should be at your wedding. As long as you make it clear from the beginning I don't see why people have a problem x

  • EllieKate83EllieKate83 Posts: 1,431

    I've got to be honest & day I probably wouldn't go to a wedding that banned children, but at the end of the day its your wedding & you are completely right to make that choice. The last thing you want is to feel that you didn't get a choice in the matter.

    If it was my brother or sisters' wedding I would be massively offended but we are all close & my children are a big part of their lives so I wouldn't really understand, but if it was my husband's siblings I wouldn't care so much but would probably give the whole thing a miss.    

    The other ladies are right, stick to your guns & if she decides not to come then don't be upset or offended.  Xx

  • Sarah398Sarah398 Posts: 266

    Good Luck!  

    I am having a 'child free wedding', & so far ive got a 6 month old, 3 year old & handful of teenagers coming due to family protests.

    I really hope you have a different experience, but I was suprised by the amount of people it was a problem for x

  • MC98MC98 Posts: 211
    Sarah398 wrote (see post):

    Good Luck!  

    I am having a 'child free wedding', & so far ive got a 6 month old, 3 year old & handful of teenagers coming due to family protests.

    I really hope you have a different experience, but I was suprised by the amount of people it was a problem for x

    Could have written this myself! How many times have you heard "we respect your wishes but...." hmm!!

  • Sarah398Sarah398 Posts: 266

    Glad its not just me MC98.  

    Ive heard all sorts of reasons like;

    "I cant leave my 16 year old all day" (really, they would prbably like it & you only live 5 miles down the road anyway),

    "I cant get a babysitter" (really, like youve got 4 months to find 1),

    "Im worried with such a small family you will be under represented" (really, I havent seen your children in about 10 years & they wouldnt recognise me if they walked past me in the street),

    "Obvisouly the baby will have to come" (will they??)

    Thanks for listening - lol x


  • Emma236Emma236 Posts: 215

    I just put a line on my invitation info card insert which said:

    "Please note that children are not invited to the ceremony and evening reception".    

    Simple, to the point and there was no scope for people "misinterpret" as I couldn't be bothered sugar coating it so as not to offend some people.  It's your day and you should be able to call the shots and have exactly the type of day you want and envisage.

    Hope it all works out.

    E x

  • p1ngup1ngu Posts: 18

    I would let the invite do the talking if you are not so close that you see her often enough to tell her in person sometime soon. If she does say anything then you can say that you assumed it wouldn't be a problem for her since her partners parents should be able to look after her child overnight. 

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