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I need some advice please

OK, this is kind of strange, but I feel like some advice from those of you who are pregnant or TTC might be useful (bear with me, this could take a while!)



I got married last September and am only 27. My hubby wants children, but it really has never appealed to me. Before the wedding we had a sit down proper discussion because (despite being together for over 10 years!) I needed to be sure that he would be OK with marrying me and potentially never having kids.



Anyway, since the wedding (and to be honest during most of the planning), people keep going ON AND ON about when are we going to have children!! It's driving me crazy, but my main problem is I've now started thinking, yeah, OK, we'll have a baby. I'm looking at children, checking out maternity clothes and reading posts in this forum!



The thing is, I can't decide whether I actually WANT a baby right now, or whether the pressure of it all has just worn me down and I'm kindof admitting defeat and giving in?! How did you guys decide you wanted children and when is the right time?



So confused! Please help me!!!



; S

[Modified by: emmabusy2be on 10 February 2008 22:05:50 ]

Posts

  • MrsJooMrsJoo Posts: 2,196
    Hiya... not too sure I can help but wanted to say I sort of feel in a similar position to you.



    When hubby and I first got married we had no intention of having kids for at least 2-3 years. We want to go travelling together, hopefully buy a bigger house and 'do it up' how we want it, and take lots of holiday together.



    But then my Sister went and had her baby the month after we got married and now we are both REALLY broody.



    (I suppose I'm different to you in that I've always known I'd like to have kids???...)



    We just can't decide what to do. Should we wait a year (at the most) and try and do a short bit of travelling together? Or should we just go for it now? We just feel very torn!



    I think both of us would say that if it happened as an accident, it'd be great as the decision would be made for us, but there's not really any way we could have an accident without planning it! (we use our little rubber friends) sorry too much info. but hope you see what I'm getting at!!!



    Hubby even dragged me in to Mamas and Papas at the weekend - honest it was HIM who said lets look, not me! I think we reached a decision yesterday... we're definitely going to start trying on our summer holiday. That was a plan we thought up a couple of months back but then we changed our minds again.



    So I have probably not helped you at all but I guess what I'm trying to say is, you should talk to your hubby! Write down seperately what your GUT feelings are and see what they both say? Do you have a GUT feeling? Me and hubby spend hours chatting about it now, we just want someone else to make the decision for us!!!



    Good luck and sorry again for not really helping at all!!!



    xxx
  • Hello honey image



    I see you spending more and more time on here you knowimage



    Now then, I can't answer your question as I've always wanted children, as has hubby. You know we're trying now - this is our second proper month and yesterday I found out one of our friends is pregnant. I congratulated her but had to really stop the tears, as from what was said I know it wasn't planned, and was the result of a drunken "oops, we forgot to use a condom" over Christmas. The idea that they're having an accidental baby, when they both have temp jobs, rent their house etc when we're trying and aren't pregnant yet killed me yesterday image



    But that's like Mrs Joo is saying *waves at Mrs Joo* if you don't have a gut feeling about it, I'm thinking you're maybe not yet ready?



    Email me if you like hon x x
  • JannelleCJannelleC Posts: 1,113
    Mrs Petunia--I know how you feel. It's hard but hang in there. God is just waiting to put a very special soul in your arms because you sound like a special soul too. I know that doesn't stop the pain...and I've been there many times. But just like they say you have to wait until you find the right man to marry, it sometimes takes longer for some of us to have that baby we so desparately want. I tried with an ex hubby when I was 28 until I was 30...now I'm 34 and only had 1 unsuccessful month so far of trying but it really hit me hard. Good luck!!!
  • im guessing from what has been said this is going to be one of them posts that dont go down as well as they could and dont even know if its going to be any help but never know and i really hope i dont affend anyone



    me and h2b had m/c just about 3 yrs ago(no planned) and after going through the difficult time desided that we were not going to ttc and that if we didnt have kids we were both fine with it as we had every intention of spending the next 20yrs at least travling to fun and probably not child frendly holidays,(althought i never wen back on he pill) ive never realy wanted children and h2b didnt think he did so everything fine, end of november im late so take a test and yes positive, and when i found out i wasnt over the moon but its suprising how things change, ive turned into he most broody gooy girly girl i ever thought was posible and h2b cant wait



    sorry if this hasnt really helped but i just thought it might, its suprising how easy you can change your plans so easy when you take a moment to look at the posibilitys, if you know anyone who has young children try babysiting and seeing how you feel
  • I kind of feel the same way - I dont think i want kids but the pressure and expectation sometimes gets to me - like society thinks im not complete wihtout a baby. i have no advice sorrt just sypathy
  • You shouldn't feel like you have to have kids just to look right in society!! If you are happy with it just being you and your OH then that's fine!



    One of my friends has been married 4 years tomorrow, turns 30 next month and has no plans for a baby still. Her family have stopped asking silly questions and she's just getting on with life.



    Jannelle, thankyou for your message. It is hard, but I hope we both get there image



    Em, you have time. At 27, whilst I knew I wanted babies, it wasn't too much of an issue. Now I've turned 30 it's a big thing!
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