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What to do

Hi all,

Hubby and I were thinking of TTC around April/May time but having thought about it a little more, I wonder whether we should wait a little longer. I am the only one of my group of friends who is married (Im 23) and only one of my friends has had a baby and I can see how it has probably isolated her from the group. In addition to that, there's things that I would like to do, like go skiing which we are trying to arrange with some friends for either the end of the year or beginning of next year. It would be sod's law that if we did just go for it and booked the holiday now, that we would get pregnant but if we backed out of the holiday then it would take us ages!!!! imageI just really don't know what to do, I dont want to isolate myself from my friends by having a baby and I certainly wouldn't want that to be a regret in years to come (as other people have told me had been to them).

Any thoughts on this would be much appreciated.


  • ariel_vampariel_vamp Posts: 2,415
    I was 23 when i had my third and i can say it definitely does isolate you from your friends. At uni, i didnt go out half as much as my friends and i regret that now. But i'd do it all again.

    There is never a perfect time to have a baby but if you feel the life you will miss out on will be too great then it may not be the right time just yet.

    Don't be worried about it taking you ages- you are still young and the chances arethat you won't have too much trouble (i have fallen 1st month for all 4 of my pregnancies!).

    Obviously nobody can tell you what to do but if i were you, i would be married for a year or so before you start trying- i would love to have time with my h2b before having kids (but we wanted them young) just to enjoy married life a bit first.

    Once a baby comes along it changes everything and they are there forever.

    Don't feel rushed into it- there's plenty of time xx

  • Hi i have a 2 year old son. Gave birth a few months before my 23rd birthday. He was sort of planned as me and h2b always wanted a family and decided to let nature take its course! As much as i love my son, i really wish i waited at least 5 or even 10 years before trying for children. All my friends have been travelling and done things im never really going to get the chance to do. I miss not being to out go out when i want or go shopping and feel not guilty about buying something for myself. I have lost quite a few friends since having to leave work and not being able to go out as much.

    Like lisa lou said a baby really does change everything.You are young so you have plenty of time.

    Cat xxx

  • mrsS1258mrsS1258 Posts: 459
    Thanks for your thoughts ladies, have to say though, I have already done uni and travelling has never appealed to me - went to Oz last year and loved it though! Have some friends at the mo who are travelling. I kinda feel like I'm waiting but not entirely sure what for - other than maybe for some of my friends to start settling so we can do it together maybe?!?

  • Hiya,

    I think the fact that you're writing this suggests you're not 100% ready. Why not spend some time with you hubby as newlyweds, book that holiday and go skiing, and then see how you both feel then.

    I've been broody since i was about 15! And when i was 23, i was dead set on wanting to have a baby. But i decided i wanted to be married first (was already engaged then), and to do a few things with h2b like you say, holidays etc.

    I'm now about to turn 26 and have just started TTC with h2b (we're hoping for a honeymoon baby but chances are that won't happen!) and i am so glad i waited. Obviously this is just my circumstances and my opinion, but to me it just doesn't sound like you're quite there yet.

    On the other hand, life doesn't end when you have a baby! Priorities change though, and you'll probably make a new set of friends through mums groups and so forth, but life will change. It's a whole new chapter, that's how i see it. But i'm ready now and looking forward to this. Really think about what you want, and if you're not quite ready yet, enjoy your freedom and time with your hubby.

    Lottie x
  • devlinukdevlinuk Posts: 547

    I agree with MauritiusBride. Im 31 and getting married next year, but I have a 8 yr old son from a previous relationship.

    I think it depends on how long you and your hubby have been together. My h2b and I have been togther for 5 years, so feel we have had plenty of alone time, and he wants to try for a baby straight after the wedding!

    Your age is for you and you can hopefully afford to wait for a few years, if that is your choice.

    Unfortunatly, friends are one of the things that are bound to change as you get older and have children, but you will make different groups of friends. You may also find that some of the old friends come back to your 'group' when they start having children themselves.

    Good luck with whatever you chose. Just remember you have to do what is best for you, your hubbie and any children you have. :\)

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